Leading By Example

Jasper Faolan experienced sexual violence starting at the age of 7, dealt with addiction, eating disorders and, as she puts it, unadulterated self-loathing. You might think that this is an impossible place to start living a purposeful life. Most of us with our day to day obstacles have a hard enough time giving importance to the big picture of our lives. For Jasper her trauma brought her into her passion.

Now Jasper is a published author, holds a MBA, is on her way to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner and is the founder of a nonprofit that provides free mental health care for adolescent girls. Her experience of healing gave her the desire and the experience necessary to help young girls like her. I wanted to share her story because whether you have trauma or not, the lesson in her story is relevant to anyone seeking purpose.

Events in our childhood can can numb us, make us shut down and keep us from developing a purposeful life. If we have to focus on surviving our childhood no attention goes into developing our potential. That development then has to happen in adulthood.

The amazing thing is that when you do begin to defrost and learn yourself, the events that made you shut down become experiences that give you wisdom and depth. They bring a focus to your life’s mission.

When I asked Jasper how she transformed her traumas into a life purpose this is what she said.

“Life purpose comes from finding a safe space to love yourself, inside of yourself. The purpose of life is to love yourself. You pick your own life every day, don’t you? Instead of looking for the answers outside of yourself, trust that you have great wisdom. When you love yourself and are willing to nurture your desires in the way a loving parent nurtures a cherished child, everything falls into place.”

Learning to Love yourself:

- Creative expression

Pick up a guitar, a paintbrush, a pen or dance. Creative expression gives you a way to learn about yourself outside the confines of judgement and analysis. This is a time to let go of  your inner critic! It’s only through expression and exploration that you can come to find your truth – and this process of discovering your life’s purpose truly begins with starting to express.

- Time and Space

You can’t define how your Voice will be in the world if it is always being drown by others’ voices and demands. You have to find a quiet space. Even if that’s a bathroom stall in your office at 8:35am every morning.

- Love Letters

Write LOVE LETTERS to yourself every week. Here’s the clue: a love letter doesn’t have one bit of criticism in it. Then read how kind you can be to yourself, and realize that you will never “leave” yourself, and you have the opportunity to love yourself unconditionally, warts and all. That kind of self love will give you the safety necessary to live the life of your dreams.

Love yourself. Then watch your potential erupt in you like a thunder storm.

Jasper’s nonprofit, Journal to Save Your Life is a totally free online service for teen girls to overcome trauma and discover themselves. Watch this video to learn