I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future
I went on facebook today after not going on for a month. My worst nightmare came true. The guy I’ve been really liking since the summer, apparently had a girlfriend and broke up or something within that month. I don’t even know how these things happen. I’m just numb now, it hurt a little to see that. I’m just numb, I’m the one who chose to stop talking to him and to just focus completely in bettering myself. So I can’t blame him. I’d probably do the same.
I have too many problems right now, to focus on anyone else.
I’ve had AvPD my whole life but a string of new problems and mental and emotional issues came, when I got raped two years ago. I got depression and developed anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad, I have physical pains from it. I have shooting or throbbing pains, and all the pain just comes from the anxiety. The only way for it to stop is to calm myself down and take deep breaths for a while. I gained weight and failed all my classes. I’m still trying to get up and recuperate from all the set backs, that I went through after I got raped. I’m super sensitive. I wouldn’t say I’m resilient, so being violated in that way, really shattered me into complete pieces. I felt gross and empty. I felt worthless. I wanted to give up. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My drive and my hunger for life just went away. I felt dead inside.
I just hope that one day, I’ll love myself more than I do now and more than I used to.
And as cheesy as it may sound, I hope that one day someone that I love can love me back, just as much or more.
I have too many problems right now, to focus on anyone else.
I’ve had AvPD my whole life but a string of new problems and mental and emotional issues came, when I got raped two years ago. I got depression and developed anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad, I have physical pains from it. I have shooting or throbbing pains, and all the pain just comes from the anxiety. The only way for it to stop is to calm myself down and take deep breaths for a while. I gained weight and failed all my classes. I’m still trying to get up and recuperate from all the set backs, that I went through after I got raped. I’m super sensitive. I wouldn’t say I’m resilient, so being violated in that way, really shattered me into complete pieces. I felt gross and empty. I felt worthless. I wanted to give up. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My drive and my hunger for life just went away. I felt dead inside.
I just hope that one day, I’ll love myself more than I do now and more than I used to.
And as cheesy as it may sound, I hope that one day someone that I love can love me back, just as much or more.
By:
Gemma8
Age:
18-21
,
Female
