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I Am A Survivor

Sexual abuse, neglect, rejection, verbal bashing, discrimination, drug abuse, alcoholism....u name it ive probably been there and done that. My latest episode had to have been my strongest and most significant. I was 17 years old, leavin on the streets, selling drugs and addicted to them all the same....i was living the fast life...i knew i would stop one day i just didnt think that day would happen so soon. You know how u ride n a car an du aklways see sum jerk going thirty over the speed limit and u think to yourself that ******* is gonna have an life i was that *******. Not by choice at first but out of necessity...thrown to the streets at 14, it was all i knew. I was addicted to cocaine, alcohol, extacy, and lcd....marijuana was my new cigarette....every two hours i needed another blunt. One night i was trappin n a local area i wasnt too faamiliar wit but i went where the money went...i had 56 grams of cocaine and needed to get rid of it fast...that night i was so wasted, gone off 6 grams of pure columbian cocaine, smoked an oz of sour diesel by myself and drunk a pint of hennesy....i had a few ppl wit me htat were there to protect me. Around 330 that morning my cuzzin said she needed sum blunt wrapps and snacks so she went to the store, the ppl who were are protection left wit her, theyd said theyd onli be gone 4 a second and theyd be right back...fourty five minutes later the door got kicked in and three masked men raped me and stole everything i had. I was bleeding and in massive pain. Noone would give me aride so i walked 17 miles at five thirty n the morning to the other side of town to my moms house.....i had to literally beg her to take me to the hospital....i sat in the waiting room for 4 hours b4 i went to the back jus to get my blood pressure took. Finally after 6 hours of waiting the doctor came in to see me...when he opened my legz my mother looked and saw the damage. She cried. The smell of infection and blood filled the room and th edoctor almost stitches and three shots later they sent me on my way. Two weeks later i recieved my diagnosis. I had trechanomis, ghonorreah, chlamydia, and bacterium vaginosis....the final diagnosis took my breath away....litrally....i was diagnosed with genital herpes.../hsv2 (herpes simplex virus 2). In an instant i saw all my dreams of being a wife and a mother shattered before my eyes. I screamed, i cried, i died. When arose from my sorrow and recollected my thougths i decided, theres nothing i can do, this will never go away. I have to get out of this lifestyle...forever. by any means necessary. I was admitted into Brynn Marr behavioral hospital in Jacksonville NC after a failed suicide attempt. I detoxed from all the drugz in my system and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It has been almost two years since this experience and i am proud to changed me for the better. I have a greater appriciation for the small things in life....a cool autumn breeze, a leaf blowing in the wind....the rain on a humid summers night. You know that movie American Beauty....i understand. There is so much wrong with the world but htere is so much beauty u jus have to stop and observe it. No matter how bad u got it sum1 has it worse than not that person....ive had hard things happen to me and ive been n tough situations but i am one of the happiest peacful ppl i kno. At time i wanna be left alone...but its not that im angry, im sad at how many ppl take for granted the one thing that really matters....the one thing that onli It is wut we make it. Im learning everyday. I am proud to say that my dreams are not shattered. Suppressive therapy has left me outbreak free for over a year and i dont have to take medicine anymore, i can live a normal life and whomever god brings in my life as my companoion will be safe as well. I have a veri supportive boifriend that cares veri much about me. He teaches me everyday to love myself and reminds me constantly that at the end of the day i am a slave onli if i choose to be, the ultimate decision is mine. I choose life, i choose love. I hope you will do the same.

i appriciate you for reading this and i hope it inspired sum of you. Unfortunatley the majority will read this and be disgusted, they will miss the point of the story and bash me for my illness....they will never understand the joy and peace i have. I pray for those ppl. I pray they will know true love, true life and true experience. no longer am i a victim.........I AM A SURVIOR!!   


please comment...wether they be good or bad please take a second to write sumthin...also recommend to new and this is my first story

Wanascream813 Wanascream813 18-21, F 103 Responses Nov 6, 2009

Your Response


So proud of you amazing & strong girl

Well done for staying clean.

mother nature has show you one side of her self now with your understanding of that side she ready to show you another side of her self just keep going mother nature is a fine lady with lots to show you be good

You are an advanced soul, who's spirit is exploring a wide range of experiences that run counter to your true higher loving nature. As the saying goes - you cannot know what you do want, until you experience what you don't want!

I too, have had many difficult setbacks in life - so many that most people would say - "damn - I sure wouldn't want to live that guy's life!"

But it was indeed for a purpose - a purpose which has now become clear to me, even if I might find it difficult, if not impossible to explain that purpose to others.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

What an awesome story I admire the fact that you decided on your own to change it took five years in prison for me to decide to change my ways and appreciate life I admire your courage and will to survive you are an inspiration keep on moving forward.

Very inspirational. You have been through so much and have triumphed.

All the best to you, Ms. Wanascream813!

Really needed to hear helps when you have people to support you! I never have. Just one person and I even insist on pushing him away.

God bless and I hope I can appreciate life as you have come to one day xxx

u r the bravest person i know...thank u for ur story...i wish u da very best ahead

what a beautiful story...these are the type of stories i enjoy reading,the story keeps me on the edge of my seat,keeps me wanting more !!!

Wow - you're amazing xxx

u really tear me up...u r really tough person.....u lucky coz u know how to treasure ur own life after go through really2 hard life...may god bless u.i should not keep regret about my past anymore........

WOW....what a life you have lived & alot you have survived. It is truly incredible that you have come out of so much misery and sorrow with such a bright and positive outlook on life. For anyone who judges you negatively for what you have been were just a child and the things that happened TO YOU cannot be things for which you are responsible for. Besides, it isn't what you do to survive all the mean and harsh things that have been thrown at you and done to you,but it is what you choose to do with your life and how you choose to use what you have learned from it that matter the most. We can't change what happened to us when we were innocent and helpless children who were at the mercy of the cruel injustices in life (that NO child should EVER have to be victim of) but it is what we choose to do with the knowledge and insight we have gained when we come out the other side of it that matters the most! As the product of a very sick,abusive,manic depressive & bipolar mother, I chose to BREAK the cycle of abuse and instead of doing to my children what was done to me....I chose to give to my children all the love,guidance,affection & protection that I never had the priviledge of experiencing. Because of this, I was able to experience what life can be like through the eyes of a child who is loved,supported,encouraged & respected. That is how i was able to heal and find it in my heart to understand,forgive & love my own mom. I truly wish the best for you and if there is one piece of advice I can give you (from someone who has lived a lifetime of hurt,pain and sorrow), the most important and powerful gift you can give to forgive those who have hurt you the most. It is true what they say....when you choose to forgive, it doesn't mean you forget or excuse what that person has done to you...but by forgiving them, you are releasing an incredible amount of pain and sorrow that only weighs you down and holds you back. It took me a long time to realize that by forgiving my mom....I was letting go of alot of anger and sorrow that kept me from being the best of me that my kids needed from me. I also came to terms with the fact that my mom was truly a very sick lady who went undiagnosed for a very long time and she didn't choose to be this way and was actually a kind,loving and caring person and I do get to see a glimpse of that person once in a while. Best of luck to you in your life. Thankfully, you are young and have so much of a beautiful life ahead of you. Grab a hold of all the best life can offer you and hold onto it with all the love,passion and compassion you have within you. I truly believe that we are here to learn & grown from our experiences in our lifetime. I truly feel sad for those who leave this life never having had their 'ah hah' moment. You are already way ahead of many others who have lived many years more than you. Wisdom isn't determined by how old a person is,but by the life lessons a person has learned.

Oh Lord, this really made me tear up. What you've gone through is horrible and I can't even begin to imagine what I would have done in such a situation. Keep being optimistic, never lose hope of a better tomorrow. Stay blessed

I'm so sorry you endured all you have, but you're still here and moving forward with your life. That's most important. The best to you!

I understand a lot of what you went through, I am dealing with my granddaughter with a through a way child feeling that she is not wanted by anyone. I have showed her that she is Loved and wanted. She has made some mistakes, one that will never go away, I still love her and show her that. It is great that you were able to turn your life around, good job.

That is very sad. I'm sorry.

YOu are a true survivor! Thx for sharing this inspiring story! Live ur life to the fullest!! good luck

You are amazing, and you are very lucky since you have a good boyfriend who love and look after to you every time.

I have complete admiration for your blunt honesty.

Take care, young lady!

I find your story very inspiring and think it is wonderful you bounced back from something so tragic. I only wish more people who have been down similar paths could see the silver lining and do the same instead of believing thier lives can be no different and continuing to live such a sad lifestyle. I believe there is so much to learn and take from life and too many miss out and let it pass them by.

**** yu, yu out here fooln everybody. What abt da ppl yu hurt, the hearts yu broke . Yu bought to ruin dis nigga life. ***** yu not a victim. Yu sold dat white boy to somebody mom. Im not fckn dumb out here ***** yu dirty yu not clean.

I commend you for your strength to get better, and to put yourself in a better place! Made me cry.

Very inspiring. Stay with that positivity, no matter what. Love you for it.

really heart touching and somethings should be understood by the life of others <br />
because people who learn from their own mistakes are good and the people who learn from others mistakes are great.

I loved your story too i am going through such a difficult time right now in my life and i feel there's no way out. i wanna live i do but right now i wish god would just take me because living without my babies just isnt something i can deal with. But listening to you and hearing your story i can relate to some i have went through it too! your a very strong woman and i wish i could be half as strong as u

You are an inspiration! After reading your story, I couldn't help but smile. A lot of people who have horrible upbringings or experiences let those things take away their happiness and ruin the rest of their lives. Life is full of choices..We can choose to live it happy or miserable! I too have experienced some bad things in life and I always say I am thankful for all that I have been through. It has made me the strong woman I am today! I am happy to see that you have chose to be happy after all that you have endured. Keep living & Keep sharing your story! I'm sure you can change lives & turn your negative experiences into a positive! Take care :)

Muaaah ..Baby Doll..u r an Angel..I have tears in my eyes while I am writing u all this. Every one here has all the love and blessings for u. I am so so Happy to know that u fail the failure and emerge out as more beautiful u, more stronger u, more compassionate u. I must be ur Mom's age. Anytime, u feel to connect sweetheart u R more than welcome and believe me pleasure would be mine baby. Here, I would also like to appreciate ur BF who is actually A REAL MAN & A REAL HERO. GOD BLESS U BOTH...HAVE FANTASTIC LIFE AHEAD. My Blessings always with u matter where I am u will be in my prayers..xxxx

I got tears in my eyes because of your story. You trully inspired me. My head down for your strength and determination to change your life.. I wish you have a happy life. you deserve the very best.

I got tears in my eyes because of your story. You trully inspired me. My head down for your strength and determination to change your life.. I wish you have a happy life. you deserve the very best.