I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future
Sexual abuse, neglect, rejection, verbal bashing, discrimination, drug abuse, alcoholism....u name it ive probably been there and done that. My latest episode had to have been my strongest and most significant. I was 17 years old, leavin on the streets, selling drugs and addicted to them all the same....i was living the fast life...i knew i would stop one day i just didnt think that day would happen so soon. You know how u ride n a car an du aklways see sum jerk going thirty over the speed limit and u think to yourself that ******* is gonna have an accident....in life i was that *******. Not by choice at first but out of necessity...thrown to the streets at 14, it was all i knew. I was addicted to cocaine, alcohol, extacy, and lcd....marijuana was my new cigarette....every two hours i needed another blunt. One night i was trappin n a local area i wasnt too faamiliar wit but i went where the money went...i had 56 grams of cocaine and needed to get rid of it fast...that night i was so wasted, gone off 6 grams of pure columbian cocaine, smoked an oz of sour diesel by myself and drunk a pint of hennesy....i had a few ppl wit me htat were there to protect me. Around 330 that morning my cuzzin said she needed sum blunt wrapps and snacks so she went to the store, the ppl who were are protection left wit her, theyd said theyd onli be gone 4 a second and theyd be right back...fourty five minutes later the door got kicked in and three masked men raped me and stole everything i had. I was bleeding and in massive pain. Noone would give me aride so i walked 17 miles at five thirty n the morning to the other side of town to my moms house.....i had to literally beg her to take me to the hospital....i sat in the waiting room for 4 hours b4 i went to the back jus to get my blood pressure took. Finally after 6 hours of waiting the doctor came in to see me...when he opened my legz my mother looked and saw the damage. She cried. The smell of infection and blood filled the room and th edoctor almost gagged....seven stitches and three shots later they sent me on my way. Two weeks later i recieved my diagnosis. I had trechanomis, ghonorreah, chlamydia, and bacterium vaginosis....the final diagnosis took my breath away....litrally....i was diagnosed with genital herpes.../hsv2 (herpes simplex virus 2). In an instant i saw all my dreams of being a wife and a mother shattered before my eyes. I screamed, i cried, i died. When arose from my sorrow and recollected my thougths i decided, theres nothing i can do, this will never go away. I have to get out of this lifestyle...forever. by any means necessary. I was admitted into Brynn Marr behavioral hospital in Jacksonville NC after a failed suicide attempt. I detoxed from all the drugz in my system and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It has been almost two years since this experience and i am proud to say...it changed me for the better. I have a greater appriciation for the small things in life....a cool autumn breeze, a leaf blowing in the wind....the rain on a humid summers night. You know that movie American Beauty....i understand. There is so much wrong with the world but htere is so much beauty u jus have to stop and observe it. No matter how bad u got it sum1 has it worse than you....im not that person....ive had hard things happen to me and ive been n tough situations but i am one of the happiest peacful ppl i kno. At time i wanna be left alone...but its not that im angry, im sad at how many ppl take for granted the one thing that really matters....the one thing that onli matters......life. It is wut we make it. Im learning everyday. I am proud to say that my dreams are not shattered. Suppressive therapy has left me outbreak free for over a year and i dont have to take medicine anymore, i can live a normal life and whomever god brings in my life as my companoion will be safe as well. I have a veri supportive boifriend that cares veri much about me. He teaches me everyday to love myself and reminds me constantly that at the end of the day i am a slave onli if i choose to be, the ultimate decision is mine. I choose life, i choose love. I hope you will do the same.
i appriciate you for reading this and i hope it inspired sum of you. Unfortunatley the majority will read this and be disgusted, they will miss the point of the story and bash me for my illness....they will never understand the joy and peace i have. I pray for those ppl. I pray they will know true love, true life and true experience. no longer am i a victim.........I AM A SURVIOR!! 
please comment...wether they be good or bad please take a second to write sumthin...also recommend to others...im new and this is my first story
