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My Past Doesn't Define Who I Am,

I can tell you for one, I would never let my past define myself.  I know for a fact that my past isn't anything close to innocent but I am not going to sit there and let the world judge me based on what my past actions were.  Yes they do have some part of you, but not enough to give someone a full description of your being.

IF you think that I'd be rightfully defined as "The Troubled Girl Who Lost Her Parent In A Fire"?

NOPE. It doesn't begin to even scratch the surface of who Sharon Henry really is.

Does the fact my cousin got murdered? The fact that I was an abused child? My parents alcoholism?

No.

I am defined by what I am doing, now. Not what surrounded me in my past. I have overcome a lot of obstacles, ranging from family to friend, money to safety, to get where I am today in my life. I am someone who has the strength to endure, to fight, to persevere. I will not be categorized or labeled by events that took place over a decade ago.  If you have a problem with who I am and the way I live then please do not make anymore effort to stay in contact with me.  I do not want friendships based on pity.  I want friends who will respect me and love me, at my worst or at my best. 

I wasn't exactly the best sister when growing up, I didn't listen to my parents very much, I was swallowed in depression, their drinking making them less and less tolerable to me. They weren't happy drunks, at least not my mother.  She used to verbally tear me apart. I know that I was quite a handful, the word rebel being a good word to describe me, but not in ways like drugs and sex as one would think.  I refused to keep my mouth shut about how I felt about what my mother was doing. At this point she moved in with a boyfriend a couple of towns over, and left my siblings and I with my father.  I was so hurt and infuriated by her actions, so I asked her repetitively, hoping to get some answer. But no, never did I get one that was an honest one. Now since I was persistent in asking her, I was accused of causing her "heart attacks."  Which one cannot possibly do, I was only 12-13 years old.  I had no idea how one was caused. So this furthered my depression, up until the point in which fire claimed both of my parents lives along with any trace of my being alive for the last 13 years of my life.  I never felt so lost and disheartened in all of my life. I thought being ridiculed for my buck teeth and overly magnified glasses was rough, then coming and getting the mess beaten out of me by my brother. Boy was I wrong. 

This was the first of many losses I would face in the next six years of my life.

I haven't met someone who was able to truly move on, to completely forget those lost.  I don't want to feel that either. I never want to.  I loved those who were lost, I want to remember them; always in my heart.

Many have thought that I would have ended my life after all that. Saying how they couldn't survive without their parents. Such sweet endearing words. These people had no idea what damage they could have made. They were feeding these feelings of loneliness and pain. but I got through, even though the foster family I lived with, since I did not know my own family well, did not work out. The parents became bankrupt, they spent more than what they had. And plus, the mother and I had a terrible relationship thanks to my stupid, childish decisions with boys.

I, also lived with my first boyfriend when this happened. I wanted to finish high school in the same school, not jump around to a new state in the middle of sophomore year. But alas, he became very verbally and emotionally abusive that I had to move out to my aunt in New Jersey.

Bam! It didn't work out, again.  Why do you ask? Well I'll tell you.

I was having Catholicism pushed onto me and I was given the freedom of a 12 year old, at this point of time I was 18. I asked repetitively for her and my uncle to rethink about it, but it only got worse. My Aunt went as far as saying that my teeth, a source of low self- esteem and ridicule for me,  deterred from my face and body.  Never have I been so disrespected in all of my life.

So as you imagined I moved out again. I seem so unreasonable huh?  I moved in with a guy I've been talking to for 4 years out here in the Bay Area of California.  I hope that my new surroundings will help me make a better life of positivity than the one I was currently living in. I only hope to branch out friends here who are nice and friendly. I am on my way to becoming a Sociologist. I need a positive place to study in so let's hope this place is it.

But I do not let this define me for who I am.  I let my smile, my intellect, and my personality do all the talking.  The past change how you think and how you react, but not who you are.  That is only something that you can change.  Despite all the failures and successions you've made in life, if you're voice and vocabulary don't speak personality than you my friend, are in deep need of being refined.

SailorSharon SailorSharon 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 22, 2009

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Well thank you both very much. I only hope that others will read this and find the courage and strength to pull themselves through their own hard times.

Life is something to be lived happily, you don't have a second chance. :D

I never thought of "my past doesn't define who I am" to that extent. It's wonderful you aren't letting that define you and inspiring how strong you are to just "move on" from one place to the next with such high hopes every time. You make me want to be as strong as you!

You are so inspiring going through all of that and still with a high head. Your so right though, people should never define you because of what happened to you. Those things did happen to you but they're not who you are or what you can be. Or even aspire to for that matter.



I've never been through half of what you have but I've also been through some ****** ordeals with men. Your so brave for speaking openly about your past and moving forward. For that I applaud you.