I'm So Mashed

 I'm so mashed with crying

I can't breathe

Or see for the pain

 

I can't believe I told u

My true feelings for u

I don't love u anymore


No love

No more

 

My hearts broken

It's closed for business

No, I don't love nobody

I want to be alone with this

Pain squeezing the tears from my eyes

Feel sorry for the hurt I've inflicted

 

The hurt of these years

Comes gushing out

Lies, Mind games, Jealousy, CONTROL

Fighting Making up

Each time a little part of me lost

Chipping away at my cancered heart

 

Now I'm giving up on suffering

Back to u not piecemeal

But the wole ******* deal

That must hurt

I feel sorry for you

As I saved up for years

Revenge served up cold

 

But you still don't get it

You still say I must be ******* someone else

If I feel like that

But it's you and you ****** up self

It's you

No love

NO MORE

No LOVE

NO MORE

 

Is it me who's sick

Too extreme?

Is it me

Who's incapable of love

My broken home

An example

Or your "love" driving me mad???

I wrote this after I told my husband i didn't love him anymore. I thought this was what  I feel. Next day he called me to ask about picking up our kid and I burst into tears...

I realised I still feel for him.

2 days later, we had a long car journey.. We began to hold hands.

We got back together. But there are so many unsolved issues!

The main ones:

Sex (he wants it more often than I do, and I hate him waking me up for sex...)

Freedom (I want to do more things by myself, but I can't- because I have to look after the kids- I feel guilty even if i go out without them for a few hours- this comes from before when he'd get angry if I went out...)

Money (we have a lot of money problems, he's been dishonest about money a lot of times... I often don't know whether we're on the verge of bankruptcy for the 8th time in 5 years or not)  and with this- trust.

My job (I work too much, but after June I'm quitting, or working less...)

Any recommendations?

Pandoratheexplorer Pandoratheexplorer
26-30, F
Feb 8, 2010