With One Step

I have had one hell of a past

There's a little bit of both sides in this... things I'm ashamed of, yeah. But also things that have happened to me that I simply have to escape in order to really live. I can't really experience the rest of my life to the fullest until I lay to rest what I've been through and experienced. I have to make peace with things in my past... things I feel guilty about, as well as things that haunt me that will never be okay, but slowly I'm trying to just accept that those things don't have to kill me. You can live through terrible things and it doesn't have to be the end of your life. NOTHING can kill you inside unless you decide to let it. This from the realm of novel concepts.E

GirlAnachronism13 GirlAnachronism13
18-21, F
10 Responses Feb 11, 2010

i know what your all going though i feel the same way like you had nothing in the past but your future u make your self. i feel like im lost and i have no way to get out of it

god, you know, i hate when people had to go through the same things i did, basically because I know what it's like and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially decent people... But thank you. I want to be able to work through some of it. I don't have the financial means for counseling or anything right now so I'm basically trying to get through it on my own at least for the time being

I had to deal with mental, physical, and emotional abuse by my father. He abused my mother, me and my three siblings. If i begin to tell you the whole story it will sound like a train wreck. none of us is speaking to each other. <br />
i had nightmares and flashbacks of what i've been through in my childhood. they stopped when i was in my late twenties. but if you had to follow this kind of abuse in all of our lives you can see how it effected out relationship with each other, with the opposite sex, and even how we raise our kids. If you can see a therapist, talk to a pastor, or someone who has been through what you went through that is good.

i'm sorry if you don't believe me but I'm being perfectly honest. This isn't simply a cry for attention; it makes no difference to me if anyone pays attention to this or not. It's more about getting it out there than anything... thanks to everyone though, anyhow, for responding. i appreciate your thoughts because i know i'm not the only one who's travelled this road. which means a lot in itself

The more I read the more I am concerned about your circumstances. I don't believe you. IF, this is a cry for help, then I will recommend several people in your area, no charge. If this is a soap opera, then you will soon learn in life that you get what you give.

I don't know your problems, and I would be lying if I said I cared. But I like giving advice so here I go:<br />
<br />
My life is a lie. I've faked my way thought pretty much everything and I hate myself for it. And I feel that you may be in the same sort of predicament. You are not happy with who you are or the history you have made for yourself. Well, all you can do is everything. Do what you wish you could do, Act how you wish you would have always acted. Change yourself as I'm changing myself. Kill the comfort zone and be like Nike: Just Do It

I too battle depression and that just makes letting go harder. But I've worked hard to put my past behind me and by the time you read this you will join part of my past. My goal like yours is to change my future and help someone. That is why I started my blog: http://www.wifetellsall.blogspot.com I hope that what I have gone through will help others who are going through the same things and not feel so alone and to see how others have handled it. I don't wish my suffering on anyone, the bright side is I can truly emphasize with others that are hurting. When I say "I understand" I really mean it, I've been there.

thank you, by the way. i plan on using what ive seen to change the future for myself and for other people somehow... how about you? what's your story?

well, honestly, a few things... it's just recently that i can even say some of them out loud. i was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally as a kid. i've battled depression and mental illness as well as a lot of ongoing physical illness throughout my life. i was adopted at the end of high school but was mentally abused and neglected there as well. i'm still grappling with the left over mental programming from that... i'm also a survivor of sexual assualt and rape. that's one of the hardest ones. i've had my heart broken and been put down and berated a lot over the years and have attempted suicide multiple times. i've come back from the brink and i'm just basically trying to make peace with all of this... trying to start my life new i guess...

Thats great you are trying to change the future. What happened in your past that you want to let go?