I Need To Vent

well my name is C. i want to forgive and forget my past. i have been through a bumpy road as most people have (btw this post is for me to vent so i don't have to vent to my b/f) were to start..... why not the biggest past issue in my life its my family.. i grow up with 5 brothers and 2 sister i had one mom and one dad seemed to be like great.  i am the youngest in my family i am a twin thought but he makes it clear lol that her is 10 min older then me but i am the youngest and i wasn't supposed to be alive my mom had us at 7 mouths prego and she didn't think she was have twins my brother was first then i surprised her weighing at 1 pound i was died when i came out they revived me i was in the hospital for 6 mouths after the doctors said i would never walk never talk never do any thing they said i would be a vegetable. i have been fighting for my life since i was born. being the youngest of my family you would think i got spoiled and love and all that. i was the odd duck out see half of my bro and sis were about 20 year old then me so my mom and dad have been there done that they were done with the hold kid thing. when i was 5 i saw my dad put a needle through his arm i was not sure what it was till i was much older. my mom would pop pills at night around 5 every night she use to wake me up to say i was a pb and j sand witch and use to fall over on the floor screaming saying why go why do i have a daughter she i never deserved to be born in a family so great. my brothers all did drug but my twin and my other brother that was a lil older then i. when i was 7 i had a gun pointed to my head from one of my brother drug dealers and i rember like it is happening now he pointed the gun to my head and said if you do not give me what i want i will blow this lil girls head off. my mom said nothing my dad was at work my brother had no idea what to do my sister came in the room with a gun and money and said leave he let me go he ran out the door. he was arrested 3 weeks later. my dad use to fall over and have this moments as i call them he would scream and scream some ones name in the middle of the night it would wake me up and i would go help him he would hit  me to go away my mom would be sleeping and to **** up from what every she took that night my brothers didn't care. i am going to bring you a lil closer to now in my life well when i was 10 i started working i help pay "the bills" or there drug money or alchola i thought i was doing a great thing i work from 4 to 9 and come back go to school. my grandfather tried to save me from all of what was going on (there is more like i was emotionally and physically, mentally its just hard to tell every thing) i was being staved and hit and neglected. but i was working school  home at the age of 10 in middle school my grand father died the spring before he was going to take me to live with him. after he died i was depressed and pissed sad and no friends bc i smelled bc we didnt have enough hot water for me or i would take freezing showers. i felt lost 4 weeks after that i found a friend she became my best friend and she killed her self at the age of 12 i started to get worse and worse. i was  reported by my school  to social services  it was the fist time i thought i was ok to tell my story but they told my mom what i said and she hates me for saying any thing she bit the crap out of me and my dad wasnt to happy screaming and my mom cleaned up the  house like nothing was wrong put food in the fridge and took the died rats out of the rooms cleaned the mold on the walls put heat in the house. so i was a liar when social services came i was a kid in middle school who lied i went thought a **** every thing and hate who i was and didnt know what to do.. now i am 14 my died died from a heart attack aka to many drug a drug over dose i was in the house i saw him laing there on the floor died.................................i will finish tomorrow i am tiered goodnight 

livellove17 livellove17
18-21, F
Feb 13, 2010