Confused And The Wedding Is 6months Away! Help!

Okay so i met this guy a little over a year and a half ago. It was perfect love at first! Since we met we were inseperable, we spent every waking moment together until.....he did the dirty with his ex-girlfriends sister(also a mutual friend). Of course we split, and i wanted nothing to do with him till he came begging and crying at my doorstep. Slowly i let him back in then 3 months later we decided to move in together and almost a full year and one more breakup later we are engaged. I love this man with all of my heart! we are so much alike is so many ways but he challenges me as well and i am always learning new things about him. He is my best friend and my lover but i am wondering if i should marry him because i still have major trust issues. I made him cut off all contact with that 'other' girl in order to be with me and he has, but i am always wondering if it will happen again or any girl that texts him i automatically think he is cheating with her. I am confused and lost i dont want to lose him but i dont want to feel this insecure the rest of my life....insight will be helpful! please i need the opinions of others!

heartsunited heartsunited
6 Responses Feb 23, 2010

If you don't have trust you don't have anything. It will be miserable for both parties. You if you never feel confident while he is away and him for always feeling doubted. I spent 25 yrs being mistrusted and 25 yrs trying to prove what a good person I was. My vote is to wait. What is the hurry. A year and a half is not that long to know someone and he has already been unfaithful. If it is true love and meant to be you will still be together. You are very young. Give it time, if he is a quality person to be trusted time will tell. Some people are NEVER happy with one person. Use your head and don't get too caught up in all the exciting wedding planning, focus more on the relationship. Good Luck!!!!!!!

just felt like i read my own story . But in my case he did it again and again and now i've been trying to work it out with him but i know deep down he'll do it again. If he really loved me he would never have even considered being with another woman . if he really loved me whats the point in kissing another girl, texting other girls that i know nothing about - different if you know them to be workmates or friends . A liar is always a liar and men who cheat think there's nothing wrong with it or else label it an accident . " it was an accident babe .... i don't know how it happened ..." " o you just fell into bed with her so did you??????!" There's always intention . They know they're going to hurt you who they apparently love but they do it anyway . We have a son . If it wasn't for that i'd be long gone . One thing is for sure there will be no wedding absolutely no way !!

have you considered pre-marital counselling? it can help you sort through the fears and re-build trust. are you having a religious wedding as some of the churches offer it and some require it before agreeing to marry you in their church. if your partner's not interested in counselling, doesn't mean you can't go alone and come to your own peace. <br />
have you shared your current fears with your fiance? maybe you can raise it in a non-blaming manner, say if you've forgiven the action but not forgotten and still feel you need to work on your trust. don't let it turn into being his fault, your fault, the other woman's fault, it's something that has happened and now there is residual stuff to be worked through to see that you're both confident your relationship can move to it's next strength and a re-occurrence can be prevented.<br />
some great guidance in relationship books by Gary Chapman like 'Loving Solutions' and 'The 5 love languages'. Margery D Rosen has written '7 secrets of a happy marriage' with great examples of getting through the complex stuff.<br />
best wishes for a long and happy marriage together, filled with mutual respect and trust.

I think if you are still having trust issues you may want to think about putting off the wedding. I'm not saying break up with him, or give up-not at all. People make mistakes, and you have to figure out if you can be okay with his and trust that it will not happen again. I agree with driving that trust is a major factor in marriage-not just in love, but finances as well. You can always get married, and getting married will always be something to look forward too-but getting divorced is not. <br />
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I say stay engaged a little while longer if you're having second thoughts about your trust in him at all. Rebuilding trust can take a lot of time, but I think it would be worth it to know-and it will feel that much better when you are married. :)<br />
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I hope I helped.

Why would you even consider marrying him if you have trust issues. Trust is one of the major factors in achieving a lasting marriage.

Well, in my opinion, once a guy does something like that, they have the potential to do that once again. Lying isnt a hard thing to do. Thats just my opinion though. Good luck with your situation ! :(