My Past In No Longer My Present... I Know That, Why Don't You?

 I've done quite a few things in my past that I do in fact regret. If there was one thing I wish I could change it's that I wish I'd loved myself enough to not treat my body like a toy for other guys. There were point in my life that I just felt so lonely I'd send very explicit naked pics to guys all the time just to have a little fun and feel a little love (which of course is hardly what you could call love) Well, long story short I decided to pick up my life with the arrival of a new boyfriend. I obviously didn't want to continue on doing what I was doing with all those other guys so I stopped, all together. Well, one day he found all those naked pics in my email a few months later and I had to tell him everything. He forgave me (or so I thought) and I promised him that I never did it while him and I were together and that I wouldn't ever do it again. We talked for hours, there were tears, yelling, silence, and a few awkward moments but after a while I think he just started to feel bad for me because he could see how upset this was all making me. So that was the end of that conversation, but I could tell that he was still keeping an eye on me. We ended up breaking up, because he became so overly insecure about the whole situation. i don't blame him, but I didn't exactly do anything wrong to him either. I didn't really start to actually regret this time in my life until I met another guy about a year later. After about a month of dating each other the topic of my naked pics came up for the first time. He claimed that he believed I hadnt done it again since then (which I hadn't) and we continued on in our relationship. There were several instances where it seemed like things were repeating all over again for me, I felt again, like I was being watched more closely than normal after revealing my little secret. Eventually when the relationship started to dwindle down (only about a month later) we got into a huge fight and the last words he said to me was "Once a *****, always a *****... I should have known." For the record, I didn't cheat on him once, or send any naked pics. He just kept that one fact in his head the entire time and subconsiously categorized me as a *****.

There have been so many times in my life that I thought I regretted something. There is nothing that I regret more than that moment of loneliness and the sending of explicit pictures. I feel like even though I know its in the past, and it has been about a 1-1.5 years since Ive sent any dirty pictures, I feel  like it will haunt me forever because I dont know if anyone can truely not see me as a ***** for that. I suppose all that matters is that I know that I'm not, and I just wish that everyone else understand the concept of the past really being in the past.


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5 Responses Feb 24, 2010

Almost everyone has skeletons in their closet. Things they are not proud of. As a young person you don't always realize how your choices will affect you. You were looking for love and acceptance and just chose the wrong route. my advice would be to first ask for forgiveness. I am not preaching but if you are a believer there is nothing like the feeling of a clean slate and there is no truer acceptance or greater love. Next take time to get to know yourself. Who are you, what do you enjoy, what is important to you. Then when you meet someone get to know them very well before you get intimate with them. If you trust them and are interested in a deeper relationship you can share your past. This happened, you aren't proud but it won't happen again. They can accept that or not but you are still a strong and whole person with or without them. I am who I am today because of my past, not proud of some of my choices but accepting of others and stand tall knowing I will never return to those ways. Best Wishes

your story would really help younger girls realise what an effect this type of sexting and sending pictures of themselves can have on their future . Its quite common among teenagers now and it would really help you to know that you might have shown a younger girl how what she might be doing might hurt her in the future and you might have helped her think twice about it . It would bring some positivity out of your situation for you aswell. All these guys who won't leave your past as exactly that ,"YOUR" past, aren't really worth it in the long run . you'll meet someone who will value you for who you are now and i hope that you will find true happiness.

yeah, some things are better left unsaid. Leave that stuff on the down low. Unless he is prowling the internet or where ever they were put it shouldn't be a problem.

We've all done stupid things in our life. Next time, unless your asked if you've ever sent naked pictures of yourself over the phone, keep it to yourself. If he does find out somehow, just admit it was something stupid you did a long time ago and blow it off.

yoy should know that your life is just that your life we are not put on this earth with a guide on how to be the best people so yesterday is history and is not published in a book so keep your past to yourself. One thing i know for sure is that letting others know ur secret almost always gets thrown in your face. You learned what your problem was and why you were doing it so you can move on now as you have but leave it in your diary