I Cut Myself

i cut myself and i still do and i regret it but i cant stop

Livinalie96 Livinalie96
13-15, F
6 Responses Feb 24, 2010

YESS I also agree Don't ask why do you do that..! Ever cutter has different reason they cut.. No reason is good though..! It is a pain that only the ones who cut feel...! And NO we are not proud of what we do are have become..!! I forgot to say I have not cut myself for over 10 yrs..!! I have over 30 yrs of lines goin down my arms..! Which only get uglier with age. About a year before I stop and was takin to the hospital the doctor SAId I stopped counting after the 200th cut,,!! I think the worse for me as an ex cutter is what I did to my now 27 y/o son..! He was what really made me stop The last time I did I also went futher then that, When I got outa the hospital I promised my Son I would never ever put him through that. I have had a few set backs in the last 10 yrs BUT for the most part I have stayed true to my word to him.. ! Harmin yourself is one of the worst pains you could ever feel other than lossin a loved one..! Honestly when you become a cutter you lose a part of yourself and only you the cutter gets that.. BUT in the long run you do learn that in the end its not worth it ,yes it may seem to temperaily get rid of the pain but as with an addict ,when you come back from that deep dark place we go all of out pain is still there..!! I know I said this in the first post but PLEASE get help please talk to someone..! I know when your settin where ever you are doin that cuttin yourself you feel alone , I don't know you and I don't know your story but I do know the pain and like I said also in the end the only person I was really hurting was myself and my son..!! If There is only one person in this world I could ever ever help by sayin what ever caused you to get where you are they are not worth your pain, or whatever may have happened in your life , I know with me I blamed myself for everything, I will tell you one story that happened that started me..! I was married and about 17 at this time my first husband as I was sayin beat me everyday Well his FRIEND keep tryin to rape me he would stalk me . I was goin to either kill myself or tell my husband , Well i told my husband and of course he blamed me tellin me I was a **** and the list goes on and on and it was one of the worse beatings I ever got..I think he comment was something along the line of how dare you blame something like that on my FRIEND..! That wasn't the start but it sure added a lot too it..!! Later in life this friend of his was charged with rappin a young girl..! And yes then I blamed myself for that.. when I found out I said to myself if only I was stronger.. BUT,, I have had yrs of thearpy and I am on meds , That is how I also learned to stop blamin myself , gettin help does work , YOU have to be a strong person you wrote this , that in it's self show you have strength.. You will need to be strong but first get help and then your strength will come..! AGAIN Good Luck.. I would like too add don't ask why we stay with abusers don't ask us why we do this ,, JUST say you can get past this ,,, Be strong and have learn to Faith in yourself even if noones does, Believe you can over come this...!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSS I agree YOU need help ASAP..!! I cut myself for 30 yrs But mine didn't stop just with cuttin myself..! As a young lady please get help as soon as you can, I know it's scary cuttin yourself any becomes to feel like you need too you feel as if that is the only way you can get your pain out.. It isn't and as much as I know it sounds easier said then done. Do it for yourself your worth more then that , I am almost 51 and the only thing I have too show for cuttin myself is deep ugly scares. I hurt my Son who stood by me the whole time , I never stopped to think what it was doin too him to see his Mother cuttin herself although I shared all my abuse with him ,But how do you try to make someone understand how bad your pain goes, Cuttin yourself is NOT the answer trust me from someone who has been where you are in the end , You step back and go omg what have I done too myself , My abuse began and the age of 5 and I got married at 14 to get away from it BUT only too learn I jumped outa the fire into the frying pan. He beat me everyday for six yrs.!! Yes I was rapped .Molsted ., You name it ,it happened. Even today I need surgery on both my shoulders from the beatings... I learned all those people who ever hurt me I Wasn't hurtin them I was only Hurting myself all over again . It's like revitimizing yourself all over again..!! Please get help don't do what I did and go yrs and then LOOK back and go why ..!! I asked myself that so many times why me why me..!! There is no why it is not you it is them your are not the problem , Stop blamin yourself if that in face is what your doing. BUT again please please share your pain with someone who can help you stop..! Good Luck .Take Care... and know your worth more then you think hopefully one day you will come to know that..!!

First off ...... real nice response simron06! <br />
<br />
Livinalie96 ...... I see you are a young teenager ~ for this reason alone I suggest that you confide in someone you can trust & see if you can get to the root of the cause. I DO speak through experience ..... I am a 35 year old woman who has selfed harmed for about 15 years. I haven't had an incident of harming myself for about 4 months now ... but I still know that I could very easily do it again. I look at the years of scars on my arms and I see them as a story of my life. Dont get me wrong .... I am in NO way proud of what I did or condone self harming ..... what i'm saying is I understand. It breaks my heart that you are so young and feel such pain that you use this as an escape from your problems.<br />
<br />
What a lot of people DON'T understand .... is that self harmers are NOT neccessarily suicidal (and I pray to Goddess YOU are not) but personally .... it is when the pain you feel in your head or heart is so overwhelming that you feel you can't DO anything about it .... you can't put a band aid over bad memories and present hurt in your life so self-harming becomes a way to 'manage' the pain .... by making it tangiable .... making it something 'real' it means you can deal with it in that moment right there. By making the mental pain a physical one you can quite literally put a band aid on it! <br />
<br />
What you need to know (15 years experience talking here!) is that it only fixes it for that moment .... that few minutes when the pain gets unbearable ..... it doesn't remove the root cause. THAT is what you need to seek help for ... to confide in someone you can trust, who wont judge you.<br />
<br />
Its no good me telling you to stop as you wont ... not until you are ready to face the underlying issues that cause you to self harm.<br />
<br />
People who have never experienced the mental trauma of self harming will possibly not understand what I will say next ... and I want to reitterate ....... I am in NO way condoning or encouraging self harming ..... far from it! ...... BUT ..... what I ask, is that you take care of yourself. If you need to self harm .... use sterile blades, antiseptic, clean dressings ..... I'm pretty sure (well I certainly hope!) that you DO NOT want to die ....... you need to ensure you do not get infections that may jepordise your health ... or your life.<br />
<br />
Please, PLEASE find someone to confide in ... and believe me when I say self harming is only a temporary solution.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best in getting the help you need.<br />
<br />
...... and simron06 ....... you are writing to a vunerable young teen ..... if you cannot contribute intelligently then perhaps you should not comment. Please have the respect for others you would like them to show to you too.<br />
<br />
Best wishes

First off ...... real nice response simron06! <br />
<br />
Livinalie96 ...... I see you are a young teenager ~ for this reason alone I suggest that you confide in someone you can trust & see if you can get to the root of the cause. I DO speak through experience ..... I am a 35 year old woman who has selfed harmed for about 15 years. I haven't had an incident of harming myself for about 4 months now ... but I still know that I could very easily do it again. I look at the years of scars on my arms and I see them as a story of my life. Dont get me wrong .... I am in NO way proud of what I did or condone self harming ..... what i'm saying is I understand. It breaks my heart that you are so young and feel such pain that you use this as an escape from your problems.<br />
<br />
What a lot of people DON'T understand .... is that self harmers are NOT neccessarily suicidal (and I pray to Goddess YOU are not) but personally .... it is when the pain you feel in your head or heart is so overwhelming that you feel you can't DO anything about it .... you can't put a band aid over bad memories and present hurt in your life so self-harming becomes a way to 'manage' the pain .... by making it tangiable .... making it something 'real' it means you can deal with it in that moment right there. By making the mental pain a physical one you can quite literally put a band aid on it! <br />
<br />
What you need to know (15 years experience talking here!) is that it only fixes it for that moment .... that few minutes when the pain gets unbearable ..... it doesn't remove the root cause. THAT is what you need to seek help for ... to confide in someone you can trust, who wont judge you.<br />
<br />
Its no good me telling you to stop as you wont ... not until you are ready to face the underlying issues that cause you to self harm.<br />
<br />
People who have never experienced the mental trauma of self harming will possibly not understand what I will say next ... and I want to reitterate ....... I am in NO way condoning or encouraging self harming ..... far from it! ...... BUT ..... what I ask, is that you take care of yourself. If you need to self harm .... use sterile blades, antiseptic, clean dressings ..... I'm pretty sure (well I certainly hope!) that you DO NOT want to die ....... you need to ensure you do not get infections that may jepordise your health ... or your life.<br />
<br />
Please, PLEASE find someone to confide in ... and believe me when I say self harming is only a temporary solution.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best in getting the help you need.<br />
<br />
...... and simron06 ....... you are writing to a vunerable young teen ..... if you cannot contribute intelligently then perhaps you should not comment. Please have the respect for others you would like them to show to you too.<br />
<br />
Best wishes

Hi, this is probably pretty seroius and you should really speak to someone, a close friend, guidance counselor at school, a responsible adult, you obviously have some sort of deep wound in your life and this is the way you deal with it, by numbing the pain. Sometimes it´s difficult to speak your truth but you must otherwise this type of behaviour can escalate.

y d hell do yea cut yeoself??