The Butterfly Effect...

Have you ever seen that movie The Butterfly Effect?

Ashton Kutcher is in it, realises he can go back and change events in his life but each ultimately changes the life he's living.

I often think about the decisions ive made and the consequences of them, i wonder if i had known would i have changed what id done?

When i lived in spain i wanted to move back to england so bad, sometimes i think of my life now and wonder what if we'd never moved to spain in the first place? But im glad we did, i met my best friend in the world :-).

Sometimes when things get bad here i wonder what if id never moved back? But the people ive met, the things ive done, would my life be better without them? I often doubt it.

When i got my flat there was a different one i could have had, the bus goes past it and i wonder...what if id got that flat? The guy in the flat above mine once came for a drink at mine when a few friends were round and his nephew was visiting. There was instant chemistry between myself and his nephew and the poor guy tried really hard, but i was scared and i totally blew it. He's since visited again but never came down to say hi. Im glad i got the flat im in now, im glad i met him, i cant change the fact that i ruined a really good thing, but i know now, and the next time i see him, i wont make the same mistake...if hes still interested that is :-S.

I was stupid enough to fall in love with my best friend, then stupid enough to tell him to ask out the girl he's dating, even stupider to make a move on him once he was no longer avaliable, and more stupid yet to read the texts he sent her saying how happy she makes him. i wish i hadnt done any of those things, except maybe...if i could go back i would have made my move before it was too late. But now its done, and it cant be undone, im glad i loved him because it made me open to love, open to trust, so i wont make the mistake i made with my neighbour's nephew, im glad i told him to ask out the girl because i want him to happy, im glad i made a move (although too late, and way too drunk lol) so i knew i was brave enough and i have no secrets now, and im really really glad i read those texts because now i see how crazy i was being, i feel awful for wanting him to leave her and i think it was the wake up call i needed, now im ready to move on.

Stupid seems my life is full of them...and i will probably continue to make them even as i age but i guess what im trying to say is that, for all the things i think i should regret there's always a reason not to, always something that helped me grow.

I dont think i have any regrets not really. I cant change the things ive experienced but i can learn from them and change the things i do next...


Have no regrets...there's no need xxx

handbagsandgladrags handbagsandgladrags
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 27, 2010

two thumbs up!