How Many Times Will I Have To Start Again ?

I'm really enjoying reading the stories in this group but i'm struggling to find my own way of changing my future . I know i need to change alot of things beginning with a major one - it being a relationship one of course . No matter how hard i've tried , i can't seem to leave it . If i could pack my bags and my son's and get on a plane tomorow to fly off to a new life somewhere i would but still feel that even then my feelings would get in the way of actually changing my future for the better . I took the first step by evicting the unwanted party but it was like taking one step forward and two steps back . I'm full of hurt and he seems to think that everything is going back to normal . I'm not sure i want it to go back to normal though cos the past has always come back to haunt me and it will again if i stay with him cos he'll never really change . At least i don't believe that he can change . I really wish i could find a way to change my future.

zoso77 zoso77
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 3, 2010

It's better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. It's only natural that you're going to hurt a lot by ending this relationship and that you will have second, third, fourth and probably even 37th thoughts about it. It's totally normal that you're worried about what the future without him will look like and if the pain that you're feeling now will just get worse instead of better. But the fact is that you're miserable where you are right now and that can only change when you leave the situation. It will hurt. It might hurt for a long time. But eventually your heart will heal and you'll be glad you left the situation.

Zoso:<br />
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I've walked in your shoes. It's not easy. It's one small baby step at a time. I keep two journals. One where I put all my hurts down. The other where I list my successes. I date them and when I feel vulnerable or life has gotten the best of me I go back and look at my successes. There were times where just carrying a smile at work might have been my success. After awhile they do add up and you realize that you are making progress. <br />
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I don't know if this helps you at all. I hope the walk is smooth for you!<br />
<br />
-Dvorcd

thanks for your comment colourmevibrant. :-)

So sorry to hear of your situation. Relationships can be tricky. It's so easy to hang on to what you've got for fear that the future doesn't hold anything bettter. <br />
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Hope you make the decision that's right for you. Thanks for sharing.