Always Second Guessing My Self

I have always lived my life in fear of displeasing people around me.  I have always feared I would be judged because I didn't live up to certain expectations.  You can say my mom raised me to have the fear of God in me.  I am a good person but guilt has been one wall or mountain I could not overcome. Guilt has always been there with open arms.  I have made some choices that I haven't been too proud of.  Some decisions I have regretted and some decisions that I thought I was confident in making, however, I look back and question why did I decide to do that?  It is a constant cycle of choosing,  a choice is made, then regretting your choice after it has been made.  Then fearing of being judged or hurting people you love or care about when you say I am not so sure as I was before.  There is one thing I have always wanted to go back and resolve and make right.  I know it could be done.  Resolving it though would put an end to my marriage, that I know for sure.  I want to change that I really do, but will it ruin my life if  I go back and resolve unfinished business?  I just feel like I can't rest until this happens.  I want different things now then when I did at the age of 22.  I would like more stability and confidence for myself. 

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1 Response Mar 3, 2010

I know how you feel, my mother also raised me with the fear of God in me. i am constantly living in fear of life. i always make my decisions based on what everyone else says and not on what i say, my oppinion constantly wavers. umfortunetly my friends have really strong oppinions and they aren't scared to tell me. this doesnt go over well with my lack of ability to make decisions. i know how you feel at least to some extent. it came really close to costing me my relationship of 5 yrs. I have learned recently that to live for others is to silently die inside.