Too Young To Know

I'm 4 years old roughly, the flat is all painted white, there is just 2 rooms a bathroom, and the kitchen, living room and bedroom are all rolled in one, anyway we have only just arrived but he says its bedtime, so I change into my little pony pjs and jump into bed the single bed the man gets beside me I'm squashed up against the wall he is a big man and smells of smoke, alcohol and sweat, I try to ignore it thinking that's the worst of my problems, he starts stroking my hair, he says goodnight my beautiful little girl, I say goodnight daddy. Cuddle my teddy and suck my thumb, he slowly starts stroking up and down my body and goes in between my legs, I ask daddy what are you doing, his reply I'm doing what all daddies do to there little girls, I try to ignore it all the next day I'm going home to my mum, my mum is so nice and I thought she was really cleaver as she always knew what day it was anyway I run up to her yelling mummy she waits for me at the door and gives me the biggest cuddle, she sniffs me and says did daddy bath you , obviously not she runs a bath with lots of bubbles and puts my bath toys in the bath, I smell so nice again. We go downstairs and I watch tv mums upset she doesn't like me going to daddies she says he is violent but he has never een violent to me has he? I go to nursery the teachers say I'm quiet most of the time then have outburst of sexual nature, my mum puts it down to growing up. Its time to go with daddy again for the weekend but we not at the same flat anymore we are at a new flat with a lady there she is really nice, time for bed, she says daddy tucks me in why am I on the floor I ask, he says I can't share with him as his girlfriend is here I go to sleep and wake up not hurting the morning after, its dinner time its a Sunday roast mmmmmm yum yum I eat all but brussel sprouts I'm asked to eat I biteful I do and say I don't like them his girlfriends smacks me, he forces them into my mouth, I run to toilet and am sick he drags me my out and smacks me again I fly across the room, I get locked in the bedroom and I'm in there for a while he comes in locks the door and I ask where his girlfriend is he says gone shopping he strokes my hair and says where did you hurt your self I show I'm side and elbow and kisses them better he says if I tell my mummy she will get hurt too. So I promise I won't tell, he continues to stroke and kiss he smell of alcohol and sweat again I blank out what's happening to me as it hurts he done its time to go home I go home and it so good to be home daddy wants to come in but he is not allowed so he goes anyway the following weekend we go tonother flat its grandmas flat (dads mum) she says we having chips for tea I get excited she pops out there is my dad and his brother they both do what my dad do I say its only daddies who can do this daddie tells me its whoever he says I somehow forget what's happening grandmas back I eat my chips and take me for a walk around the gardens I sneeze and she smacks me hard, any hometime, I see my mum I run up I say missed you, he starts shouting at my mum follows her in the house and smacks her hard she falls to the floor I beg her to get up she does I shout **** off to the fat man its the last I ever saw of him but 2 weeks before my 18th birthday he gets intouch and says he wants to see me I start to shake I feel like crying I finaaly know what he did was wrong my mum and boyfriend says it up to me, I kept this secret for so long now I breakdown and tell them what happened he has won again I cry because of him I spent the whole night crying but I had my boyfriend with me it now on police file and solictors have written saying I wish to have no contact with my dads side of the family, I am now trying for a baby I know its with the right man and I love him with all my heart and I know history won't repeats itself.
keelyprincess keelyprincess
18-21, F
Mar 8, 2010

I feel so sorry for you. Men like that should be casterated! All I can say is that I really hope you have a true partner and he cares for you properly. All men are not bad, nor are women. The victims keep on suffering years later. Sometimes the circle is real big but it always comes around, and they will get what they deserve. Please don't live in the past, enjoy every day forward. Best of luck.