The Years That Were Robbed.....

  all the years that were robbed being locked into a vicious past like mine, the hell, the pain, the therapy of many years to un-do what was done. I was scared I would never see a future, well guess what it is here, can't change the past, but I can fighting it away from my future!!

deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Mar 10, 2010

Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.<br />
I think this saying by Kahlil Gibran sort of drives home what I'm trying to say above.

2 things in life that we cannot choose. 1) If our genes were a deck of cards, we cannot choose the genetic deck of cards we were born with. 2) We cannot choose the family we were born into. It seems like you were dealt a raw deal in your situation leading to your birth. It was totally not your fault that your father had a deep antipathy towards you. It was more a reminder of what your mother did. And you were a reminder to him of that failing. You were more like an innocent bystander caught in an ugly cross fire not of your choosing and not of your own doing. <br />
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While nothing was your fault, because of the hate that was directed towards you, you probably have a tendency to internalize it and let it gnaw your insides out. There is no way to go around it...hate begets hate. Only forgiveness can break the cycle. <br />
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I find the best revenge on your abusers is living your life well, enjoying it to the fullest extent in every way possible. The news about how well you are doing, will filter back to those who want to stumble you and make them choke over their own miserable lives. <br />
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But most of all, forgive yourself, love and accept yourself warts and all, and you will be able to be more accepting of other people's failings also. If you were your own daughter. You would want to by virtue of this being someone that you love, you would want to nurture, build up in mind, body, spirit and character of this child. You would want this child to have good confidence and self esteem and be able to make good decisions in every situation and not be dragged back by negativity. Well guess what, you are the mother of who you are and who you want to be. Now in the second phase of your life, your adult phase, you get to make the choice of how you want to parent yourself. <br />
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I hope this helps.<br />
Much Love<br />
Hannah

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. <br />
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I got this from a post by another EP member. I kind of know what its like to be eaten up by the cancer of a memory of what's happened in the past. But you know what they say, you can only go forward. You can only let the actions of the present heal what's taken place in the past. <br />
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Most importantly for me...is to affirm myself. Because I was responsible for what happened to me...I constantly blamed myself for it....and I lived in a lot of pain and regret... but living in that wasteland is even more painful than just forgiving myself and moving on.<br />
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So the wisest thing to do in this situation, is to forgive yourself first and then it becomes easier to forgive others who have done this to you.