Cannot Shed A Tear

Even at my weakest point, it is nearly impossible for me to actually cry.

The last time I cried was a big brawl out with my boyfriend, he kicked me out of our apartment, I was stranded with no where to go. I didn't have a phone to call anyone (he literally pushed me out of the apartment so I wasn't able to grab any of my belongings.) It was the first time I let all of my sadness break me down, and the last. That was about a year ago.

It's not that I think crying is weak, or pathetic, it's just that my body wont allow me to cry. When I was younger, dating my ex, I cried a lot. Constantly, actually. My ex was amazing to me, but I had a lot of mental issues at the time that I couldn't handle, nor could he for the most part... so I cried, it was my way of releasing... and now... now I don't even do that.

I will lock myself in the bathroom, and hope for a tear, to wash away whatever sorrow or sadness I had within me... but it never happens...
I guess in a way it's a good thing. If I could cry, it would be often... and I hate having to explain my emotions to those around me. It one thing to post them on an anonymous website, it's completely different to do so in person.
ShadowedThoughts ShadowedThoughts
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 28, 2012

Do you feel all numb inside?

Sometimes. I am not incapable of emotion, but I am often very jaded about everything.

Being numb could be feeling overwhelmed, completely disappointed or in shock. Part of you might just keep you away from what you would actually feel. Maybe you should try this in a lateral thinking kinda way - instead of wandering about crying, check out if you are able to laugh a lot lately. Everything in self-expression counts and one might unlock the other. Ofc your life might not be very fun at the moment, but just watch some funny stand-up and see how you are doing, if you can get yourself to a lighthearted state.

Thanks so much for your comment, I really appreciate it. It sounds as though you've hit it on the nose.