She Just Won't Go Away...

I'm really looking for advice..

I'm a very successful late 30's woman, I spent the last 15 years raising my boys and developing my career and never paid enough attention to my personal life. In the last year and a half I've been part of an incredible relationship and am truly in love with this man. We do however have one issue that for me has turned into a deal breaker..his exwife!!

In short she just is always around, they have a 10 year old daughter together and he has her at least 3 times a week. I don't have any issue with that at all, in fact I really like the kid and enjoy  the time we spend with her. What I do have an issue with is the ex wife, she hasn't moved on not even dating and relies on him for everything. They talk at least once a day and sometimes 3-4 times, add on to this all the emails she sends and the fact that she just won't leave us alone and I feel ready to explode. Don't get me wrong here I understand they have to talk about the child but for me now it's excessive and to compound things it never takes place when I'm around, he leaves the house in the morning for work and calls to speak to his daughther but she always answers and they always have discussions, every morning!! To me this has become a pattern and habit that is not going to be broken...can anyone help me understand how to deal with this?!? Is this normal!?!? I know it wasn't typical of my relationship with my ex and I always felt we had a good one...


somanyquestions somanyquestions
4 Responses Feb 12, 2008

I just walked away from my partner of 8 years because like you he was all for his x. she stayed over visited every day without their daughter. if I added upnthe time theyvspent together it was double what I could even hope to get. he said he didn't want to be with her and she said the same but in the end she made sure she found ways to push me out and the more I brought it to his attention the more defensive he got. I didn't want to walk away but I was going crazy and my life was coming to a halt so bravely when his x stayed one night this week for whatever sad story it was this time and I gave him the choice to stay at my house or walk away he made a heap of excuses and I told him he wasn't going to ever hurt me again and to stay away. not sure how I will move on from this but I have no choice another 8 years of this no way

does any one know the meaning of normal????? when someone is not getting hurt in any way!! Thes are definatley not normal situations1

does any one know the meaning of normal????? when someone is not getting hurt in any way!! Thes are definatley not normal situations1

Well, I can tell you that I can relate. That you are not alone. I am in a similar situation. Mine feels worse. Mine feels at a breaking point. I don't think I can take it anymore. You ask if it is "normal" and I don't think very many people's "normal" is the same, is it? In June we will be dating 3 years. His ex won't go away. She doesn't date. She calls, texts, stops by, CONSTANTLY. He enables her. I swear he talks to her throughout the day more than me. I get it...they are raising two kids together (9, 11 yrs) but guess what? I am raising two kids with my ex (8, 10 yrs) and I choose to talk to him as little as possible because I DON'T WANT HIM IN MY LIFE. I am not codependent on my ex like my boyfriends ex is on him. I love my boyfriend A LOT. I love his kids. But I just don't think I can deal with this anymore. Seriously, his ex and this "relationship" with her...for ten more years?!?!?! REALLY. OMFG. The bottom line is I feel like he is never on MY SIDE OF LIFE.<br />
I'm sorry. I wish I could inspire you. The hard truth is that we are both probably better off without them. And I love him and I don't want to leave him.