Ever Wonder Why The Heck You Were Born?

It's difficult living in today's world where going to college and studying is a MUST in many occupations.

I for one have no idea what to do with my life. Years ago when I was little, I would think of who I would be in the future. All of those visions are a bit unrealistic for me (I won't mention any of them). They're wicked cool, but a little bit out there.

There are so many options out there, but my name doesn't seem to be on any of them.

Whenever I try to decide on a major, nothing really clicks. I guess the fact that I'm not truly passionate about anything contributes to that. But the fact I can't decide a major and I lack interest in so many things makes me wonder why I was born.

Since I'm an identical twin, I usually get the impression that I was put here by accident. That my sister is the real person, and I'm just an extra. Or even an angel that did something extremely terrible and living in this world is my punishment and a chance for redemption. I hope it's not the last one because I'm probably failing epically.

I get really really really really upset when people ask me what I want to do with my life, since I am a pretty good student. I think I only excel in school work because I don't really try to learn the work. I try to understand it, but not really learn about it. I can't just not go to college, or not work. My famility would look down on me and my mom would be disappointed. At least I believe they would.

And it also doesn't help that for the past...what?..one or two years I've been juggling a happy life with these episodes of intense depression. Which of course I make the effort to make my family oblivious to. My family have enough to worry about right now, and I know they'd be upset if I told them I think something's wrong with me. I know getting help quickly is cool and all, but I don't think I'll be able to bear the sad, disappointed, shocked looks on their faces. My parents don't need to think they raised me wrongly (and it doesn't help that MANY of their workmates think I'm an excellent young lady who will go places).

Thanks for listening ^_^
TheFadingAuthor TheFadingAuthor
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 26, 2011

reading 2 of your stories i just realised we have 2 things in common..i'm an INFP and i have no idea what to do with my life. i have a degree in commerce but i'm definitely not interested in the business world and i'm scared to tell my parents especially my mom that i dont want to work in this field 'cause then she'll be disappointed. i guess this competitve and fast-paced world is not really suited for us INFPs.

YES!!! I'm not alone! *dances around*
Too bad dancing around won't fix things T_T
Commerce? I hated that class with a passion. But I guess we gatta do what we gatta do for the sake of others