Make My Own Path?

I'm 20 years and a sophomore in college. Before going to school though, I had dreams of becoming a doctor, until I realized that the work involved in the pre med track is a lot, and I felt that it wasn't in me to work 24/7 on my grades. The pressure would be too intense. Being a liberal arts student in a liberal arts school, I figured that I major in music, and build a passion to be a musician. I got an F in music theory, and I sadly came to the realization that I wasn't like the other spoiled, rich, and talented musicians in the music department. My parents never gave me an instrument or private lessons, or any kind of support at all. Because of the ridiculous amount of stress and pressure from these turn of events, I took a personal leave from school and I'm sitting on my *** at home. So now what? I did a lot of "soul searching," and I can't seem to find anything I'm good at. I can't identify my talents (if I have any). What the hell am I going to major in? I was thinking about majoring in English, because I'm a pretty decent writer.

But perhaps what scares me the most is what kind of career I'll have. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with myself. I've been through a lot in my first two years of college, full of disappointment, rejection, and discouragement. The only thing that I dream about is finding a high paying job, and living in a beautiful apartment or condo in NYC (my hometown). Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm giving up on myself, but what can I do? All of my friends and acquaintances appear to be confident in heir abilities and what they think they'll do once they graduate. My dad puts a lot of pressure on me to choose a meaningful career path.

If you ask me what my main interests are, I would tell you that a lot of them are art related. I want a chance to be a graphic designer. At some point I want to make music (as a hobby really). As cliche as it sounds, I dreamed about being an actor, but I never acted before. I did take a theatre class last semester, and I was extremely discouraged when I saw the other students look amazing on stage. I was garbage.

I've been told that following my passion would lead to success. But my passions are simply out of my reach. Really, I'm not usually that pessimistic. It's just that sometimes, I face reality, and I feel like I have to play with the cards I'm dealt. I'm only 20 years old, but I fear I may be hitting that dead end. When I return to school next semester, I'll still major in English, but I'll give the pre med track another shot. But I'm not doing it for the passion, I'm doing it so that I can make a living or so that I can at least feel some kind of pride in a respectable profession. I don't know whats going to happen. I don't know where I'm going, but one thing I'm certain of is that I'm making my own path in this crazy world of ours. My advice for anyone who is unsure about what to do with their life, is to find a strong passion. If you have the talent for it, then by all means go for it, and never lose your sight. If your talents are elsewhere, try to open your mind in the direction that they take you. Sometimes we wish that we were talented in ways that we desire, but you can't always have it that way. If you're in my situation, then I wish us both luck :)
dan11218 dan11218
18-21, M
1 Response Apr 9, 2012

I'm almost in same situation, I'm 19 years old and i am studying physics at the moment. I'm here, but i don't feel like it's mine field. I'm unmotivated, and don't have any dream. I'm not untaleted, acutally i'm mostly talented for whatever i want to do, but only in start, as lack of motivation (or is it laziness?) stops me from my goals, when i make some.<br />
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Same like you, I don't know what to do, I just want to find some job and live pacefully. I'm optimistic in nature, but when I think about mine future I become pessimistic, as all jobs i could possibly imagine seem to be out of reach / impossible to get. <br />
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Sometimes I feel like I need to hit bottom as this way I won't change, and I need to. If there was person, event or something third, I feel like i could come back to "good" path. Now, I feel lost... Around me is thick fog, and when i see light it's illusion.<br />
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So if there's anybody who was in this situation before, please, tell us how to solve this problem. And I wish you luck, dan11218.


Since posting this, I've learned a lot. I can still feel the pressure and uncertainty of the direction my life is going. But what makes it worth while is anticipating what might come along the way. Money, friends, happiness, innovation, love? Whatever! I starting to believe in living in the moment. I don't about what has happened in the past, and I started to worry less about the future, but I'm still a little practical. I'm going to take a few risks.

As for my education: sure, things went downhill for a little while. When I return to school, I'm going to transfer to a new college environment. I'm going to try the music thing again if I feel prepared, or find a new passion. And why stop there? Even if I don't graduate with the degree that I want, I'll continue to "follow my heart" after college. Life is short, and we shouldn't give up. If we lose our way, we have to try and find it again. I once heard a saying that went something like, "a successful person doesn't follow the same paths others made, they carve their own in the world."

The future doesn't scare me anymore.