I Can't Do Anything Right
I have a lifetime of failures, put downs from everyone includng my family,so called friends, relationships, teachers, bosses, coworkers etc. I started my childhood always expected to be as great at school as my sibling. This sibling went on to have mega schooling, PHD, and probably tens of millions of dollars that is at the beckon call at any moment. I couldnt even keep a relationship going because I wasnt doing what someone else wanted me to do. or spend enoughmoney on them , so they found someone who would. I was the bottom of my high school class. I just couldnt get the grades that my parents expected out of me. I found myself spending more and more time alone all through my life. I couldnt get myself to accomplish any job the way that the employer told me to do it. It was always, " What the hell are doing??" , " I told to do it this way!!!". Or lately, I cant seem to get the right answer because I dont have the ability to see the details, or my attention is on all my other problems.....no food, no money to get bills paid, there isnt enough time to relax, the household chores are waiting...." who is going to do them?? . Then I found out that I wasnt really a wanted child.....ooops. Maybe thats why I was taught to do the chores while my sibling was given free time to themselves. I just want to escape, Ive been trying to "go away" for years now. I found out that I was born without the "tool box" that everyone is supposed to get to handle the ups and downs of life. The challenges that stand before everyone trying to make some kind of comfort in this existence. The relationship I have with my sibling is totally disconnected, and has been all my life. I am "looked down" at as a failure and a bad example of a human being. I have taken myself out of the social arena, because I have caused so much pain to others and myself that I dont deserve to connect with anyone. So I have sentenced myself to exculsion for the remainder of my pitiful, pain causing, existence here on this planet. I dont think I need to go on.....You see what Im saying........