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I Hate Myself For Being Unable To Drive

I'm 33 years old, and I can't learn to drive...When I was 16 and trying to learn it was horrible, and I really couldn't do it no matter how much I practiced...finally it was figured out that I had a learnng disability that had always affected my coordination, attention span, sense of direction, visual perception. (I already had ****** self esteem, because I was so embarrassed, I had trouble with simplest things, and I constantly felt stupid)...I tried two different driving teachers, one of whom specialized in the disabled...he couldn't get anywhere with me. I tried vision therapy which didnt work, I tried learning at the Kessler Institute, and it didn't work. I try to watch other people drive, but nothing helps, this is something I don't think I will ever be able to learn. I am so embarrassed...I don't tell people if I can help it, I'm afraid no one will want to be friends with me when if I find out, so I am reluctant to make friends. My husband and my parents drive me around, I'm lucky to havfe people who are willing to do that, but I feel like a little kid, I don't feel like an adult with my 'mommy' and 'daddy' having to drive me around. I have a degree but it doesn't matter because I always have to worry if I can 'get to' a job. My parents are only willing to go certain distances, and I understand that. I have a baby and a four year old , and one day I know they will be embarrassed by me, because everyone else's mother can drive. I'll never be able to take them somewhere by myself. They'll be disgusted with me because they'll know if their dad is out, they will be stuck in the house because their mom is too stupid to drive. I can't say I blame them. I am unemployed now, and it's a tough job market for everyone, but it's harder to find a job when you don't drive and you can't get a lot of places. At one point, my husband suggested going back to school , but I don't want to waste money on getting a degree when I may not be able to get to any jobs that may be available. I feel bad for him, I don't know why he bothered with me. He's always stuck doing all the driving. If we go to a party, he can never just relax and get trashed, because I can't drive us back home, it's not fair to him. I'm just a huge **** up in so many ways ... I feel bad for my mother too, she deserved much better in a child...she didn't deserve to have a dummy who's still dependent on her. I try not to tell her too much about how I feel about this, because I know it breaks her heart to see me upset. I just hate myself, I hate having to ask people if they can take me places...even getting a haircut is a big production, because I have to make sure someone can take me. I just really hate myself, and I'm so ashamed. I have a pretty high IQ and excel a lot at some things, but I just don't have the coordination/ability to drive...I'm ******* worthless. I try not to think about it, because it just bothers me so much, but sometimes I can't help it. Everyday, whether it's riding with someone, or making an appointment to go somewhere, everyday I get a little reminder of what a ******* failure I am. And to top it off, I feel guilty about feeling so sorry for myself,, I'm healthy, and God knows there are people whose lives are much worse than mine, but I can't help it, this just crushes me. It just makes me hate myself so much.
lightswillguideuhome lightswillguideuhome 31-35 55 Responses Dec 20, 2010

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I have the same problem with driving. I have 29 years old and no driving license. I'have tried to make it, but my fear was too big and it outgrown me. I think my fear is not without source. I have no physical limitations, but there are some in my head. A couple of years ago I discovered that I had neurosis. I am very stressed in many situations, especially social and when there is bigger responsibility on me. So driving isn't good for my mental condition;) I'have tried but it's not working. Neurosis creates problems with concentration, distances, orientation etc. I know maybe I coud break it, but it is not so simple as in situation of person whithout problems like this. I' am planning to try one more time to get driving license, but I don't know it is possible. This problems coud affect too much on my ride and even if I get my driving license it could result a tregedy. Lack of concentracion and other problems are strongly affecting the way you drive. The most horibble part is other people are surprised and they are showing their contempt. I think that we can live whithout cars. This is possible. People lived whithout cars years ago and we can live now. Human can adapt to everything. If you can't drive you can live in place where car is not required. But again - other people would talk there is someting wrong with you... This is very very big trouble for male. What woman would want a man without driving license?:(

i too can't drive. all i get is yells from people from why am i so poor in driving. even with extra classes in driving, nothing happened and i'm still a person who can't drive.

I feel ur pain I'm in the same situation an I'm 37..I get so scared an my stomach goes in knots..my biggest dream is to drive myself an my kids.please help us.

hi, i can relate to so much of what you are saying, my situation is a bit different. I am 20 and i'm currently taking driving lessons. Found out yesterday i had more than 60 90-minute practice sessions and I still have no feel for being behind the wheel, and feel it won't get better with time.
It is not that i am afraid of driving, sometimes i even enjoy it, but there are times where a situation i have practiced countless times seems totally new and i just screw up the manoevre. There is a big wave of uncertainty at those times that overcomes me. I think too much in these situations. My teacher tells me i get incredibly nervous and hectic and that is my biggest problem from succeeding. "Just drive without thinking too much about it, you know the rules." To me this seems like an impossible thing to do. He's shown me how other students drive and how they still keep calm and collected when they screw up. I just can't behave like them how hard i try.
He, friends and family tell me that i'll be able to drive someday without even thinking too much. I can't picture myself ever driving alone. It's like when i concentrate on one thing while driving, like shifting gears or controlling the blind spot, i forget everything else i have to pay attention to. When i overcome one problem, i completely forget how to handle the other things that i did well hitherto. I keep forgetting stuff, safety measures i have to carry out while driving. To top it off, i have a bad sense of direction (it's really bad). There are short moments were the thing feels hopeless.
I'm on the verge of quitting, or at least taking a long break. I wouldn't say i hate myself for it or suffer depression. But can see myself being looked down on by people because of it and how this failure may affect my confidence in other aspects of life. I do fear this happening. Thank you so much for sharing. I see all the stories here and i think: thank god, it's not just me! Hope EVERYONE here is coping alright and feels better now.

I don't hate myself for not being able to drive but I hate being unable to drive at age 29. I know till self driving cars are readily available etc I won't even control a car. I know it is my disablities the frustration comes in situations like today it is Saturday I need to got to post office I live with friend usually she takes me to do stufff on Saturday sometimes she doesn't no big deal but needing to go post office and her randomly leaving at 8 am with out telling me where she was going is odd on rSaturday times like these make not being able to drive very frustrating.

I felt the same way too. My driving was terrible. I would at times regret moving to USA especially California where people hardly use public transport. My husband tried teaching me but for me it took too long to do those maneuvers. Left turn, and parellel parking was getting on my nerves.i couldn't understand right of way. We hired a instructor finally but only wasted a lot of money on him but still the same. Finally i came across a very nice Korean Instrutor who did magic. So it also depends on what kinda instructor you use. Finally after spending 1500$ on instructors i passed my driving test on the first attempt. Luckily i found a very kind man as my examiner on DMV as some of them are too rude. Now i feel driving is easy. just need to get out of that FEAR and do it. GOOD LUCK

I am kind of going through the same. I got my permit but my instructor seems to go crazy with my driving and on the other Hand they are so expensive. They charge not less than 50 $ an hour. I feel sorry for my husband who has to pay. I regret moving to this country as driving is making me more and more frustrated along with other problems of life. God please help.

Till the age of 27 and a half, I lived in a country where you could get anywhere you wanted on public transportation. Besides, everything was close by, and you could just walk down the road and buy everything from groceries to clothes. A lot of people didn't drive it wasn't considered unusual. <br />
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Then I married and moved to a US suburb with no public transit. I tried to learn driving but it makes me so nervous and scared, and frankly I don't like it. My hubby has the time, so when I want to buy clothes he just drops me off at a store which is 10 minutes away and picks me up when I am done. We do grocery shopping together. It is sometimes inconvenient for him, but we manage fine because we don't have kids. <br />
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However, I get a lot of criticism and judgment from a lot of people. People make me feel useless, even when I am better off than them in other ways. I get a lot of flak from people, it's like they love it when they find somebody who cannot do something they can do, and lose no time berating and belittling. I do feel stupid and worthless sometimes though I do have decent IQ.<br />
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I really want to get over my fear and learn, but I don't know if I can do it. It's like a phobia. It's really hard because I used to be so independent. Now I cannot do a lot of things I want to. My plan is to move to a big city with public transit so that I can be more independent.

I have never been in the drivers seat of a car. I live in central/coastal NJ. It does not bother me anymore that I don't drive. I used to when people would hound me about it and talk about how beneficial it would be for me. Those people are gone now. I am 31. I walk a lot, ride my bike when it's not too freezing and windy and I enjoy long bike rides. People always thought it was because I wanted to help the environment, which I am passionate about, but that's not why I don't drive. I just never wanted to be that person behind the wheel. As a pedestrian and cyclist, I know that I can only ever get hit. I'll never have to deal with police because of an accident, deal with the guilt of hitting another car, pedestrian or cyclist, or having my car break down. I plan on buying a good touring bike now. I'm lucky to live in a semi-urban/suburban area, though. I can take the bus or train to NYC on a whim. I can literally walk across the street and just leave to NYC on a bus. I don't do that, though, as I never went to NYC much. I walk around a lot. I find money all of the time while walking or on my bike. In the past few months I've found probably over $100. I don't regret not driving at all. It's just a different way of experiencing life. You develop more patience. Try taking Amtrak or Greyhound across the country. Painful but enjoyable.

Great post, thank you so much for sharing. You sound so grounded and self-assured in your perspective; it's a great way to view not driving. Question: how do you get to work or to the grocery store, especially when it's too cold or wet to bike?

I am a man, almost 40 and can't drive.

Who cares. Everyone has different skills. Some people cannot write, some people are not good in sports, some people are not good communicators...

Look at it the positive way: public transport is more effective, public transport is cheaper than maintaining a car, you don't have to worry about drink and drive... Only when I go to places like Toronto or Miami I wish I could drive, except NY where indeed it's easier, faster and cheaper to walk or take taxis.

I understand EXACTLY how you feel-I am the same way, but I am 44 and have had 2 learners permits in my life, but still don't drive. It makes you feel as if your a burden to everyone around you, and feel helpless. My family keeps hounding me to get my license, but they just don't understand the TRAMA in actually going about it! I feel for you, but I NEVER have felt worthless-because you have to stop and think about what part you contribute to society, and believe me, I am POSITIVE that several people would be negatively affected without you in their lives!! :) Don't ever feel "worthless", because its not your fault this is happening

My hubby also cannot drive. I personally like to drive but I wish I didn't have to all the time. Like going to urgent care cuz I'm hurt. That sucks

I am 27 years old and can't drive because I have epilepsy. My husband who is the same age also can't drive and refuses to get his licence. I'm not sure why, but I think he is just scared. We are lucky enough to live within walking distance from the local shopping centre in a town with great public transport, but I am worries about our future.

We struggle to go on holidays and visit family and friends and have to buy our groceries on a day to day basis because we can't shop in bulk.

We want to start having children and I'm scared. I don't want to have to take a new born on the bus to have to go to the doctors or visit relatives, and I don't want our children to miss out on doing things because we can't drive them around. I really wish my husband would man up and learn to drive, but he insists he doesn't need to. I am scared and embarrassed. I feel as though I'm not independent and not a real adult because I have to rely on other people to get me around.

I am 38 years old and I cannot drive! My grandmother didn't drive, my mother, and now me. I have to depend on my husband to drive me everywhere and I feel like such a failure. I an a teacher and I have a masters degree but with all of my accomplishments people always look down on the fact that I don't drive. Is this some kind of curse passed down to the women in my family? I am so depressed about it and I am often embarrassed to tell people I don't drive they often look at me like I have two heads... I am so depressed about it... I really want to learn but I am so scared...

I am making an account on here to respond. I have never heard of this site. I found this post by accident.

I am a 26 year old single white American male. I cannot drive.

Nor could my mother.

None of her children are embarrassed by her. Least of all, me.

My mother and I have circumstances different from yours, being that our inability to drive is not from a learning disability like you describe, but rather from a rare eye condition called optic neuropathy. My mother and I have terrible vision. We can still function for the most part. I have a job. But getting there is as much a concern for me as any other non-driving person.

I knew since I was 15 or so that I would never be capable of driving. It was difficult and terrifying to realize. I had no idea what I would do with my life.

I have had a few jobs, and fortunately for me, I was able to land a position with an electronics recycling company four years ago, and have proven myself valuable enough to the owners and my coworkers that my talents are worth any inconvenience they might have to endure to get me to our shop. Fortunately, again, I have many options available for rides to work.

It wasn't all luck, though. After working there for 3 years, I made a strategic decision to move into an area where most of my coworkers lived so that I would always have many options to get there.

I have learned how to think very unconventionally over the years (or inventionally, as I prefer). Lack of a car forces you to think outside of the box in ways most people never have to. It can make you stronger, more creative, and more empathetic to the plights of others.

I have learned not to hate myself or be depressed because of my limitations. It is difficult, but it is possible.

I am single by choice. I have no desire for children, so for me, those worries will never be a part of my life. But there are things I will miss out on.

I have surrounded myself with good people. I have cultivated deep relationships with trustworthy friends who are willing to go out of their way to help me whenever they can. It is not easy, but I have grown from being the scared and morose young man I used to be. I am more capable and driven, and perhaps powerful than I have ever been.

But I still can't drive. It is still a constant nuisance.

I do not understand you fully, for I do not know you. We are completely separate people with different upbringings, values, and experiences.

But I know what it is like to know you will never drive. In the United States, it is difficult. It is frightening. It is painful. But it does not have to be crippling.

You are not alone. There is no reason for shame.

www.arthurpope.com

Your comments here somehow ring more true than almost anything else I've read about this. I was born blind in one eye with fairly poor eyesight in the other which put me JUST below the legal minimum eyesight requirement for driving here in the UK. As a child the only thing was ever really interested in was cars so it's really devastating for me to not be able to drive. For most of my adult life (I’m 48) I just got on with doing what I could without driving. I've had to carefully choose where I live and work (Despite what a lot of Americans might think about public transport in Europe compared to the USA, in the UK outside main metropolitan centres public transport can be near non-existent). I live only 3mins walk from a train station which is great if I want to go into London or somewhere else on the direct line. but there are many places only a few miles from here which for most people are only a 5 minute journey but are in effect totally inaccessible to me. As I said for most of my life I just made the most I could of what's available to me but since getting married 5 years ago, my wife drives and is quite a car enthusiast herself. It's very unexpectedly made it all worse for me. When we first got together I thought it great that I could have access to a car and do the things you cannot do without one and live out my car interest though her. But as time has gone on it's actually made me more frustrated with my situation and resentful that she has the power over the one thing in life that I've always wanted. I see her being able to go and do things independently that I can only do if she is around to give me access to the car and when she's not available that's taken my car access away. Also if she takes me places and drops me off it makes me feel like a child being ferried around by a parent. I know that's a bit contradictory but that's the sort of feelings that go round my head. Generally our marriage is good we have a good relationship. But this issue really casts a cloud. I know I behave badly to her over it, being grumpy and sulky but my sense of injustice is just so overpowering sometimes. Nothing short of me having access to everything that having your own car gives you will do to make me feel equal. Sorry didn't mean to post such a log rambling reply....

Hi, I am also 26 years old and do not have a driver's license. I took driver's Ed in high school and did well but have always been scared whenever I get behind the wheel. I really want to drive but I need to overcome my underlying issues of fear and lack of motivation in life. It is embarrassing that I don't drive. My bf who is older than me has teenage daughters that have gotten their license w/o letting fear control them. Like some of you said I know driving doesn't define an individual but I feel like a kid at times. I am going to get my permit again and I pray that I will face this fear. Everyone's comments have helped and everyone of us are special in God's eyes.

sucks to be you

you wouldn't understand her circumstances anyway. that comment was unnecessary.

I'm 26 and disabled and blind in one eye with horrible site in the other. I know exactly how you feel. I can't drive no matter how much I want too. My vision is just ****** and I hate it so much sometimes I just want to scream. My mom takes me everywhere and she is not dependable. I hate it with a passion I feel like a nobody and the older I get the worse I hate myself and hate my life. I wish things were different for me but I just see it getting worse and worse. I am on my own no matter what my mother or anyone thinks. I don't have friends or a boyfriend but really who would want to be stuck with a crippled woman for the rest of their lives? I hope that one day things get better but really I just don't see it. You are lucky you do have a family that cares.

I am 48 male. Didnt grow up in the best of situations. My dad drank, my parents got divorced when I was 11. in Frist grand my teatcher sent home a paper to my mother that they felt I had Adhd and wanted them to have me checked out, my parents threw it away and said I was fine. But I knew I could focus as other kids did. then a few years later had trying with my visions, had testing adn they said I needed glasses. My mom said I dont pay attention to the Drs and thats why I didnt do well on that test, But I could see so much better. but in high school with more people complaining to her that I squinted all the time to see TV and at school so finally shot got them for me I could see really clear I always had a fear of driving althought I wated to, and took drivers Ed in 11th grade, did pretty well but was short drives. But I had a time with where we were going and paying attention to everying going on. I could focus on some things but all else was blocked out.

My family always pushed me just go get your license, but none would take me. I had my permit Several times over several years id pas the written test. Then could not get anyhone to take me o the test then finally my brother in law stuck with me and helped me get , took to do practices parking an dthings seveal times and I was able to pass it with out any problems So then I started driving first with a friend, and was feelign good about it. Stil very tensed through it all. but then Had several times where some one flew out in front of my try passing me when its not realy safe and I just lost it. My mind would go blank kind of like a comuter when you turn it off then back on.. And slowly the memorys would come, but id be at a stop light when something happend and when it start comning to I didn't where I was going, I couldnt tell you my name even if I had to, or where I was going, where I lived I had to really think hard and it finally come back to me then I had to remember the rules of driving who goes first etc , I got lost and didnt know how the heck I was getting back home but started thinking really heard about north and south and where I was then I realized I was ablout where a started out where the first people lived

Anyway I think mart of mine is Adhd, and part of it things of my childhood. Mo money to see a specialist. Anothing thing that I feared about driving is if the car breaks down and I have to walk to some ones house and they have big dogs. I am deathly afraide of of big bakey Dogs. I worked with a lady that got bit in the face bad scar From his bite..

I too was pressured by family and Freinds to drive. But its true they think if you cant drive its funny or something. Like look at me I dove since I was 14 like its something built into our system but teh only reason I didnt I was Lazy or something.

Anyway I eventually stopped only drove for less then a year but was enough. Yes its scary cause you get older and you keep thinkng what if they are right and I am wrong but then deep in side you know your doing all you can but nothing is working out. And I felt like if I didnt stop, either I or some one esle will end up dying from a accident. so I just stopped. Used to walk, or ride my bicyle to work ever day, Id drove off the side of the road or alleys and walk the bike in some aread till I got to places easier less to worry about. Think some sort of therapy might do me some good but first have to have the money, But maybe I should what they cost or to get them. When I drove if some one tried to ride with meI could not focus id start going really fast . Til they told me hey you better slow down, then i was like half freaked out I was going too fast lol Finally I just parked the car and said this is it. Im writing very late/early need to get to bed. so best to all of you, and know your not alone. Thanks

You told my whole story. I am 33 now and I never cared to learn to drive and the few times I have done it made me so nervous. I wonder why I just don't do it like everyone else. I see the fast cars and when it gets dark I'm on the passenger side I can't see so I'm afraid that if I drive I won't be able to stay on the road. I have a disabled child whose a teen now and everyday I look at her I am disgusted with myself . I failed her because I couldn't keep getting ppl to drive us to therapy so she missed out on a lot. We don't go anywhere because it's hard when you have no car. All of my extra money goes to gas in someone else's car. Thank god for my mother whose always here for us but I know she be tired and I hate myself. I lay in bed everynight thinking should I just give my child to someone who can give her a better life. I don't want a bf because I feel stupid and undeserving so I continue to be made a fool out of by my ex bf because he knows me and I don't wanna meet anyone knew and can't even meet them at the park alone. Why do I have this phobia it's ruining my life. I can't work cuz of my child and even if I cld I cldnt get there. I'm tired of looking at these Walls and my daughter looking at me like what a life. I feel like dying!!

I'm 22 two and going through the same thing we should talk.:)

I'm almost 26 and I can't drive (I don't have my license). I have an irrational fear of driving, and I have to depend on my fiance and my mom (who lives very very close to us) to get to and from work everyday. Thankfully it's not a problem for either one of them. I want to get my license, but everytime I do something towards getting it I get scared and lose confidence.

At work I am harassed by my coworkers and managers because I can't drive. I am constantly reminded by my manager that "You can't drive, wow." I know this should motivate me to get it, but I am too scared now. People really are confused to learn I can't drive and never could. I really think it changes how they perceive me as a person and maybe think there is something wrong with me. Ugh, I actually get depressed about it a lot, but I can't bring myself to go take the test! It's become a huge fear.

I'm 58 and I tried learning when I was young. I also had problems with concentration, visual perception (especially distances) and awareness of others around me. I still have difficulty crossing the road! I hated every minute of it and in the end, decided it was not for me.

As I grew older, I countered people's shock at my not driving by saying it was a lifestyle choice I had made and that public transport was better for the environment. Eventually, I found that a lot of people began to envy me. I have no worries about the rising price of fuel, whether my car will pass its MOT or whether I can afford my insurance. I can also read, knit, write or do almost anything I like on journeys, particularly long ones.

I have always managed to get where I want to go (complete with youngest child who is a wheelchair user) and walk a lot more than car users so I'm pretty fit. I am also not stupid, I too have a degree, am working at my MA and planning to go on to do a doctorate. I have many talents and accomplishments, it's just that one of them isn't driving.

As far as I'm concerned, driving and car ownership are overrated and a stress I can do without!

I'm mildly dyspraxic, and I had a hell of a time learning, with a very patient teacher. Got there in the end, and now I'm not even driving because the taxes and insurance are too much to afford. Sigh.

Have you considered moving to a city? If you were living somewhere with better public transport links you could get around much easier without having to rely on lifts.

I have epilepsy and also feeling completely useless. I 'm not able to drive, no-one wants to employ me and I battle keeping conversations with people. If anyone knows how someone in my situation can get a job which is suitable for epileptics (any ideas) then please let me know. I need to financially support my parents and myself desperatley and soon. Would highly appreciate any ideas

Hi Mylo. I know this is a little late (I just discovered this post, because I've been feeling the same way). I have epilepsy too. Have you tried the Epilepsy Foundation? Most cities have a chapter, and they can help with a job search, moving, counseling, and other services. I developed epilepsy at age 15 (I'm in my thirties now) and I've never been able to drive. It is also against the law for an employer to discriminate against you because of your condition. (see ADA-Americans with Disabilities Act). You might already have a lot of this information by now, but I wanted to help, because I've dealt with a lot of this for over twenty years now. Something that keeps me going: keep laughing. My sense of humor is one of the few things that has helped me get through the tough times. :)

how do i get intouch with the author? is this about a true person? sounds like its me wriing this!!!! please let me know more about this person if real and their recent update.

29 years old no job; never driven. Terrified. Overweight have itchy, blemished scalp. Had a perianal abscess turned into fistula. Can't afford surgery - cant exercise because of open wound from lancing of abscess. Have to wear a pad to catch drainage everyday. I am so depressed!

I know the feeling. I'm 23 years old now and I had my temps when I was 18 and did some driving in the church parking lot next door to where I was living at the time but everytime my dad asked if I wanted to take it out on the road I'd just freeze up and say no or I'd get to the end of the driveway and and panic and then say no. I have a learning disability and was nowhere near ready for Drivers Ed when I was 15 and 16 years old. Like so many others have stated about themselves, I'm afraid of getting out on the road and having an accedent. Besides that, even tho I really want to get my license so I can drive we don't have a car and I don't know anyone who could teach me even if I still had my temps! If you or anyone ever needs to talk just send me an email!

I can drive but I have a major problem with directions. Most people could drive somewhere once or twice and know how to get to that location. It could take me months! I have to drive to a location on a consecutive basis to learn how to get there. Driving at least two to three days in a row on a weekly basis works best. If I drive to a location that I know I would have to drive from the same starting point at all times. It is annoying, I get lost everywhere. Thank God for GPS.

I thought I was the only one. I'm 44 and I've had my license for 6 years. I recently contacted a driving school to take lessons and the teacher arrived and asked me for my permit. When I showed him my license he was like " I don't understand". I know how to drive, the instructor even said. He said I just need practice, but I'm so scared of hitting someone or getting hit. My daughter is 15 and she's learning to drive and has no fear. I don't know what else to do. It's not easy.

I am 48 and have never driven. It has caused me to suffer in many ways. I could never take my kids anywhere and I think it has caused mental issues, Like social anxiety for them. It has always been a struggle to go to and from work. I feel it was another job. Harder than the physical labor jobs that I always worked.

I feel your Pain. I'am 22 and can't drive either. I have ADHD and I'am not sure if that is why I get so scared when I do try. I have a learner's pemit and when I do try I just freeze up. I was trying to learn at 15 but a lot of family issuess happend and just delayed alot of things for me. I wish you luck in learning to drive and hope you do get though this. Know your not alone dear.

I'm 51, and have had years of having a few lessons and then giving up- I am abosultely TERRIFIED of an accident. I went through 12 IVFs to have my 2 children and am terrified I'd kill them if I drive them.I may also feel insecure because my dad used to make me sit in the car, when he was drunk, he'd drive to the shop to get more drink, and make me go into the shop. He'd pretend to swerve into walls and houses, and I felt out of control and vulnerable. I've also dealt with some lecherous instructors, and always get a bit stressed about that too.<br />
The shame I feel, living in a vibrant new city, designed specifically for cars, is imense. All my friends are 15 years younger and have been driving at least 20 years.<br />
I'm totally broke now (redundancy and now poorly paid part time job) so can't afford hypnotherapy, or more driving lessons. The stress of knowing I had a £37 lesson the next day,which I couldn't afford, gave me IBS so bad I was up all night being sick!

i wrote about my experience above, i finally went to neurologic psychiatrist who ran a battery of tests...I have a disability of the right hemisphere of the brain....I will never be able to drive but at least I have some sort of information about my problems. I hope everyone gets checked, apparently in the UK and other parts of Europe there is much more awareness about issues like this. In the US a lot of doctors don't even know about it! I had even gone to Kessler Inst. to learn to drive, and no one ever suggested that this might be my problem. You're all in my prayers, people who drive will never understand how it feels to do something that seems to come so easily to everyone else.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!<br />
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I am 47 and I can't drive. I had to learn it over and over, many times. I even drove my sister's car for about two years, a period that ended in an accident I'm not proud of. And I gave up driving again. <br />
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OK, does everyone who has a fender-bender give up driving? Of course not. But I know there's something wrong with me. Not that I'm stupid or anything, I am working on a master's degree. But I feel I have something like a neurological disorder as far as I can guess. <br />
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As some of you said, I have problem especially with changing lanes. My eye dr says my eyes are fine, but I know that I lost my binocular vision twenty years ago due to a thyroid problem. I simply can't judge the depth or the distances as well as before. But I'm sure there are thousands of people out there driving whose vision is worse than mine. <br />
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I am a very absent-minded person in daily life. It's as if my mind is always somewhere else when I'm walking. <br />
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Anyway, I'm afraid it's too late for me to fix the problem. But I hate to think I missed out something pleasurable in life. Something that would have given me real freedom...

It's just nice to know I am not alone...

I am 35 year old male and hate driving too(I had trouble learning how to ride a bike as well and never did learn that well). I actually drive on the streets now but avoid the highway at all costs. My mother doesn't drive at all and she is in her late 50s. I got my license when I was 21 and didn't start driving here and there until age 24. I have had to depend on my dad or older brother to take me places if it involves going on the highway and I feel ashamed, embarrassed as if I were a little kid. I hate driving fast(over 40 mph)and like the ability to stop at stop lights or stop signs. I hate curves with a passion and really don't like being in high places when driving even on the passenger side. I believe I am traumatized from an accident I was involved in when I was 15. My brother was driving, and me and some of his friends were in the car and he was going 45 on a curve, and it had been raining the day before. So when my brother was turning on the curve he lost control and the wheel somehow got caught in a ditch and the car flipped over. It was so scary but luckily nobody got hurt. My brother felt guilty and responsible for people's lives and I remember him apologizing to his friends and his friends parents. I want to overcome this fear of driving somehow and hate depending on people but it is overwhelming for me too. The thing that got me to drive on the street was I had a 4pm-12am job and I didn't want my dad to have to come pick me up so late and public transportation stopped at midnight. That was 8 years ago and even now I feel like a novice driver. good luck everyone.

I can empathise with all the comments posted here. I am in my thirties now and have wanted to drive since i was seventeen. My parents have never been interested in helping develop life skills. For example I was about thirteen before I could swim and they only helped me do that out of sheer embarrassment as I was the only kid in my class that could not swim. My mum thinks because she cannot do something then I should not be able to do it either. My dad even fired someone for not being able to drive. I do believe that the less opportunities you have in childhood the less opportunities you have as an adult and it can impact on your life in a big way. I hate having to live my life around bus timetables. All kinds of appointments take up half the day getting there and getting back. It has cost me relationships and jobs as people automatically have the perception that because you cannot drive then you must be of lower intelligence. I makes me feel pathetic in a way. I cannot socialise in the evenings as I have no way of getting home. There are evening classes I would like to do but the classes do not fit around a bus timetable. Not being able to drive means I am stuck in a dead end job with no prospects. <br />
However, as my parents take great delight in seeing me as someone that will not get anywhere in life I have decided to pay for all my driving lessons and put myself through my test. I have been taking lessons for three years and it has cost me over £3500.00 as I cannot get extra practice. I am determined to pass my test and know that when my parents get old I won't be there to drive them around since they did nothing to help me.They will be the ones that have to take the bus.

"I do believe that the less opportunities you have in childhood the less opportunities you have as an adult and it can impact on your life in a big way. "

You have just defined my life.

Damn right. Get this... I had a license once... never ended up even using it... expired years and years ago... funny because I was a darn driver in an armoured army regiment! Great offroad skills, but im **** out of practice on highway, parking and all that... imagine that! I feel for you guys. Im older now and just fed up with trying to pay up for practice and all that... plus insurance and stuff... life sucks ****, the little things add up...!

me again. have people seen the episode of big bang theory with Sheldon not being able to drive...?<br />
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i kind of feel like that except i am not a genius. <br />
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i think i have some sort of disability. ugh.

I am 24 and I feel exactly the same way. I have spent $1000's on driving lessons and finally gave up four years ago. I haven't been behind the wheel since. YES its embarrassing. I am a slave to public transport. No one understands, they all tell me i just need to practice<br />
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I know in 10, 20, 30 etc years time I will still be in the same situation. I do worry about the future too. Sometimes i think i have to move to a country, city where 'no one' drives

Im 26 and i use too have an anxiety about driving. I really have a difficult time focusing or paying attention and I was afraid to get behind the wheel, because I thought I would lose focus and hurt myself or someone. At age 8 on my aunts lap i drove the car in the ditch. I took the driver’s Ed course in my school at age 16 and I was horrible. I cannot stay in the lane while driving a car on a video game. When i was four my uncle fell asleep at the wheel and I use that as an excuse for not attempting too drive as an adult or that I was in a car accident at age 12, excuse lol. At age 19 my bff dad tried to teach me to drive and i was driving so slowly. So at 23 I decided once I graduated college I would go back to my small rural town and learn to drive. The 1st yr I practice a little with my mom's jeep, i did okay. For the next three yrs I have tried off and on .My mom was the only one who helped me drive, once her jeep had problems, so she stopped letting me drive it. My mom got in an accident in Dec 2010, the car i saved money for blew up in flames but they got my mom out in time right before the explosion. My best friend finally let me drive her car in the parking lot, I did okay. My other family members have bad nerves and are terrified of teaching me. Today I tried with the best friend in the entire world but i failed. We almost got in a wreck. I have a problem with paying attention to my surroundings, knowing how to look through my mirror, paying attentions to the cars behind me and on the side. I do not know how to get in the correct lanes or which car goes first or when do i go?????? I’m out of options I’m going to keep practicing but I think some is wrong with me. I know two guys with a mild cognitive disability, one drives a scooter to work and the other does not drive. Do I have a learning disability, hand eye coordination or dept. perception problems? I am an introvert so I’m always thinking and I have mild cod where I always want to be perfect. I need help, I want to drive. My family is pressuring me. I get tease all the time at work, at home, social outings and by children. My grandmother said before she dies she wants me to get my License (she does not drive and my mom learn at like age 22). My 12 YR OLD cousin can drive, and today I was told to feel bad that I do not drive and all my younger family members can. Ive accepted its part of who I am. But I will never GIVE UP!!!!!!

I'm 21 years old...and I can sort of relate. I do drive..I've been driving for a couple years now. But I can not go ANYWHERE without my GPS. I've lived in the same area my whole life, and still couldn't find the nearest store that I must have been to a million times before. I have memorized my way to certain places that I go to on a continuous basis..like church; I go 3 times a week. I memorized how to get there from my old house, but since I moved to a new location, I have to start all over again. This frusterates and embarasses me to the extreme. Right now my fuse for my cigarette lighter in my car blew out so I can't charge my GPS. Therefore I can't go anywhere. I have things I need to get done but I can't because for some reason my brain can't get me where I need to go.

Didn't know there were so many people who have not learned how to drive yet. I'm 30 and i'm scared to drive. I was hit by a car when i was younger walking home from school ,before that i was about three and was in a bad wreck with my mom and dad the car flipped end over end 3 times we all made it but it was scary it was only centimeters from cutting my moms jugler vein and i had to have 19 stitches on my eye brow don't really have one now. so i'm scared i will kill my self or someone i love if i drive.

You sound just like me. I am 34 and not allowed to drive, at least according to my doctor. I have my driver's liscense and all however last spring I had an accident totalling my car and I do have cognitive disabilities due to a stroke that I had when I was 19 but what the hell. Now my doctor wants to make a big production out of this and make me take a driving evaluation at the hospital which is hard as hell. I've already failed this test once and now I have to pay $350.00 to take drivers ed. WTF!!! I hate it to because I live with my parents and have to ask them to take me everywhere!!! It does not help that I HATE them too!!

Oh and by the way, I'm 28 years old and I still don't have my full license, just my permit from 5 years ago. Why? Not because I can't learn to drive, of course I can!! I'm just too lazy and I'd rather be driven because I'm a princess...hehehe! Seriously. Princesses' don't drive.<br />
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Lol.<br />
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I also live in a car-dependent state where getting places suck because fat people rather ride a car than walk. So there you have it. Now go crash your car woman!!

I know this may sound like bad advice, lol! But, I think you should crash the car a few times to get rid of your anxiety. And anxiety is what I think you have. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but it doesn't make sense to me that you are a degree weilder, and judging by the way you write, an articulate person as well, that you have any learning disability. I think it's all a bunch of self-pitty and lack of willingness to persevere. Yea, whatever, I sound cruel, but I don't believe in "I can't." Einstein was a blundering idiot before he decided to hit himself with a bat and stick to his shish--why? Because he persevered. Take inspiration from life: animal and people and how they've surpassed adverse situations without the help of anyone.<br />
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And about crashing the car a few times...everyone, unless you are blind or missing two arms and two legs, have the ability to conduct machinery. The machine does not control you. You have a fear of dying, having an accident and/or injuring someone else in your driving process. Until you don't get rid of that fear, you'll never going to learn no matter how many times you try. So, I was thinking, why not confront the very thing you fear the most? Having an accident? Go to an empty parking lot and drive like a mad woman and bump the car a few times. Get it out of your system. You'll start losing fear of the car and controlling the b*tch better.

I know you are trying to help but you are not a doctor. An actual doctor, my neurologist, diagnosed me with a learning disability of the right hemisphere of the brain. Most learning disabilities are on the left side of the brain. It's called Developmental Coordinational Disorder. You can be articulate and get a degree even if you have a disability that affects your depth perception, causes you to fixate visually for too long at certain things, and gives you poor coordination and motor skills. It's not an anxiety thing, or a fear thing I really have extreme visual/physical issues when attempting to drive. I cannot tell how far away things are from me-kind of important when you want to learn how to drive. And people love to give you that bullshit that you can do anything you want if you try/believe/work hard enough, but tell that to a dwarf that wants to play in the NBA. Sadly enough, that dwarf can practice like crazy but since he doesn't have long legs and arms he will not be in the NBA. Sucks for him. Some things are beyond our control, they are physical. I mean, I went to the Kessler institute and tried so damn hard and I still couldn't do it. If some of Kessler's most brilliant minds couldn't fix this, you have see that this verifies an actual problem. There's so much more to the story that would be too much to write about and you really couldn't understand unless you actually had this problem. One thing you are right about is that sometimes I do get a kind of a "poor me" mentality. But you see at the end of my post I mention that I feel guilty for letting this get to me so much when others have it so much worse. I realize this attitude doesn't help anyone and I'm working on it. I hope I don't come across as harsh, because I do believe you have the best of intentions. But don't assume it's anxiety, when I do in fact have a very real neurological condition. I don't think you are mean, I just think you are unfamiliar with this type of problem. It's rare, so a lot of doctors had no idea about this sort of neurological problem. Believe me if I could have, I would've made the car my ***** a long time ago! Not only would I control the car, but I would call it names and make it do demeaning things with men it meets over the internet. Dirty little ***** car!

I know this may sound like bad advice, lol! But, I think you should crash the car a few times to get rid of your anxiety. And anxiety is what I think you have. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but it doesn't make sense to me that you are a degree weilder, and judging by the way you write, an articulate person as well, that you have any learning disability. I think it's all a bunch of self-pitty and lack of willingness to persevere. Yea, whatever, I sound cruel, but I don't believe in "I can't." Einstein was a blundering idiot before he decided to hit himself with a bat and stick to his shish--why? Because he persevered. Take inspiration from life: animal and people and how they've surpassed adverse situations without the help of anyone.<br />
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And about crashing the car a few times...everyone, unless you are blind or missing two arms and two legs, have the ability to conduct machinery. The machine does not control you. You have a fear of dying, having an accident and/or injuring someone else in your driving process. Until you don't get rid of that fear, you'll never going to learn no matter how many times you try. So, I was thinking, why not confront the very thing you fear the most? Having an accident? Go to an empty parking lot and drive like a mad woman and bump the car a few times. Get it out of your system. You'll start losing fear of the car and controlling the b*tch better.

I know this may sound like bad advice, lol! But, I think you should crash the car a few times to get rid of your anxiety. And anxiety is what I think you have. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but it doesn't make sense to me that you are a degree weilder, and judging by the way you write, an articulate person as well, that you have any learning disability. I think it's all a bunch of self-pitty and lack of willingness to persevere. Yea, whatever, I sound cruel, but I don't believe in "I can't." Einstein was a blundering idiot before he decided to hit himself with a bat and stick to his shish--why? Because he persevered. Take inspiration from life: animal and people and how they've surpassed adverse situations without the help of anyone.<br />
<br />
And about crashing the car a few times...everyone, unless you are blind or missing two arms and two legs, have the ability to conduct machinery. The machine does not control you. You have a fear of dying, having an accident and/or injuring someone else in your driving process. Until you don't get rid of that fear, you'll never going to learn no matter how many times you try. So, I was thinking, why not confront the very thing you fear the most? Having an accident? Go to an empty parking lot and drive like a mad woman and bump the car a few times. Get it out of your system. You'll start losing fear of the car and controlling the b*tch better.

I am 29 years old. I pass the permit test when was 27 or 28 can't remember. I will drive my grandmothers truck down to the end of the driveway to take off garbage and i've driven on a road before but I don't know. No one in my family seems to understand or care about how i feel about driving. I mean I know I am going to have to do it. I lost my mom back in dec of 2010. I know my dad won't be around forever and i know my grandparents won't either. I feel pressured all the time and even my dad has gotten my 8 year old to make comments about me driving. Its not that I don't want to drive its just that I don't have the motivation i guess to drive. I was reading your post and I started to cry cause I thought I was the only one who couldn't. I hate depending on other people to take me places but I just don't feel comfortable behind the wheel. I do feel stupid sometimes and I do get depressed about it. I just don't understand why I feel this way. I wished it had been easy for me as it was for my little brother. I want to prove to them all that I can but I just feel so overwhelemed.

I thought I was the only one too. I guess no matter how weird the situation no one is every alone--there's always someone in the world that feel like you do.

I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I HATE MUYSELF BECAUSE I AM ADDICTED TO FAST DRIVING! I AM THE BEAST IN THE ROAD. I HAVE NO FEAR THATS THE WORST OF ALL.I AM IN THE ROAD EVERY DAY , AND I LOST FEELING FOR SPEED.AND I AM A GIRL.

I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I HATE MUYSELF BECAUSE I AM ADDICTED TO FAST DRIVING! I AM THE BEAST IN THE ROAD. I HAVE NO FEAR THATS THE WORST OF ALL.I AM IN THE ROAD EVERY DAY , AND I LOST FEELING FOR SPEED.AND I AM A GIRL.

I just came across this, read everyone’s comments and wanted to throw my ideas in.<br />
Please keep in mind that I am not a shrink.<br />
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One thing that should be said is that all of you are using the driving thing as the reason for many of the other things you folks are worried about. Notice I said worry and NOT problem.<br />
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Although not being able to drive is frustrating and there may be a clinical or medical reason like there is in my case but none of you are stupid. Far from it.<br />
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So, let me ask some questions.<br />
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When did you first think you were stupid? Did it come from you or did someone else tell you that? If it came from someone else then you may have just believed what they told you.<br />
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For the first poster, you mentioned that you feel bad for your husband and your mom because of all the driving. Have you ever asked why they do it? They probably said the same thing I will. It is because they love you. My mother says the same thing and I am not a youngster.<br />
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Same with you. Thirty years from now if your four year old is living far away will you stop loving him or her? No you won’t. As far as your children being embarrassed. I feel it would depend on you not them.<br />
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If you don’t drive, how do you treat that? Do you blow it off like it is not an issue or do you treat it the same way you would if a shotgun were pointed at you?<br />
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How you treat the non –driving in front of the kids is how they will treat it but make sure your are ready when they ask about it.<br />
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There are many people who don’t drive who have normal productive lives. Not driving, for whatever reason, is not the end of the world but using it as a crutch or an excuse for other problems is. <br />
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I do want to say something about the friend issue. The lack of friends you all perceive may be that you are turning them away but not because of your worries. Because of talking about it. No one wants to be around other people who negative, dull, disillusioned, frustrated, crybabies all the time. That sounds harsh but that is the way it is.<br />
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So, first step is stop talking about it. You have issues, I have issues, they have issues. If all you talk about is your issues or the conversation keeps coming back to your issues you need to stop. <br />
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Next time some asks how you are. Tell them you are fantastic (fantastically bad or fantastically good) . use ONLY the one word. You will find this brighten other peoples day and your own. <br />
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But all of your comments are skirting the main point. Driving, a disability, or thinking you have no friends is not what any of you should deal with. The root cause of all this is insecurity and self-esteem.<br />
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All you are concerned that you can’t get the spacing right or whatever. What should be of concern is building self-esteem and getting rid of your insecurity.<br />
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Here is what I want you all to do. Type ‘how to get rid of insecurity’ into Google and start reading. You will get 1.3 + Million hits. Do some research so you can get rid of it. You don’t need it.<br />
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It will not be quick or easy to get rid of it so you need to stick to it. Talking to someone helps. You don’t need to see a therapist but someone who can give ob<x>jective advise, someone who will yell at you if you whine too much, someone to help you think positive. Just don’t talk to everyone.<br />
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Heaping one issue on another issue is only going to get overwhelming. So start with the underling issue. Once that is gone then hit the rest of them one at a time.<br />
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After a while, you will feel better and other people will too.<br />
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Hope this long post helps some.

I just want clarify a few things-most people don't even know i can't drive. It's not something I volunteer. I do not whine and talk about being unable to drive to others; I don't act like a "negative, dull, disillusioned, frustrated" cry baby. Since I never talk about it, I vented in my post to somehow let out my feelings.
I wasn't making friends because I didn't allow people to get to know me well; I didn't want to ever have to tell them I didn't drive. I'm making friends now. I've gotten to the point to where I can say, "I don't drive due to a disability". If they ask for more detail, I just respond with, "Oh, it's a long story". People just leave it alone. I don't act like weepy, pitiful person, in fact I play it off like it's not a big deal.
As for my kids I act really confident around them. I don't want to serve as a negative example where self esteem is concerned. They don't know my insecurities and issues and hopefully they never will. I don't want to dump that baggage on me. If they are ashamed of me at any point (which they probably will be), I know it'll pass and they'll get over it. But I do appreciate you telling me that I'm not stupid, and I do like that you posted. Some of your post was helpful too. Take Care

hi im kind of in the same boat ur in im 20 years old married and my husband has to drive me everywere i practiced so mant times im just scared esp when swithcing laanes and doing left turns and im super bad with directions i think its more of directions with me then the driving itself i cant even figure out how to get home within a block away i feel so stupid its ruining my life i dont know what to do but keep pratice driving

hi. I'm the same way. I will be 21 in a month and i cant drive! my bf lives with me so he drives me to class. My biggest problems are switching lanes and left turns to. His parents try to help me practice but I just get so nevrous then mess up more and feel stupid.

you are almost a carbon copy of me, except i'm single. graduating college took forever b/c i had a 3 hour commute each way instead of a 20 min car ride. none of my friends know either since i'm also ashamed to tell them. <br />
i can't judge spacing at all using mirrors so parking and highways are out of the question. and God knows i've tried.<br />
even going to the market for milk is a big production since i have to walk up a bad hill to the next town. i can't get any type of work since i don't have enough time to get back to get my daughter from school.<br />
the bus system where i live is HORRIBLE.<br />
I want to find a place to live where driving won't be such an issue b/c i can walk to the basic places or take a bus w/ no prob.<br />
can you tell me what you were diagnosed with or what type of doctor you saw? i've been to therapy over it and gotten anxiety books, cds, programs, etc. but that won't help my spacing issue.

wow i feel like this is almost my exact situation. im only 23 but it is the worst feeling ever having to get rides to work or anywher i usually stay home when im not working because i hate asking for ridesand all my family laughs at me and pressure me every single day ,it is depressing. i looked it up and i think i have something called dyspraxia but when i mentioned it to my sister she said im crazy. ijust wish i could be normal ....driving would make my life sooo much easier