I Hate Myself For Being Unable To Drive
I'm 33 years old, and I can't learn to drive...When I was 16 and trying to learn it was horrible, and I really couldn't do it no matter how much I practiced...finally it was figured out that I had a learnng disability that had always affected my coordination, attention span, sense of direction, visual perception. (I already had ****** self esteem, because I was so embarrassed, I had trouble with simplest things, and I constantly felt stupid)...I tried two different driving teachers, one of whom specialized in the disabled...he couldn't get anywhere with me. I tried vision therapy which didnt work, I tried learning at the Kessler Institute, and it didn't work. I try to watch other people drive, but nothing helps, this is something I don't think I will ever be able to learn. I am so embarrassed...I don't tell people if I can help it, I'm afraid no one will want to be friends with me when if I find out, so I am reluctant to make friends. My husband and my parents drive me around, I'm lucky to havfe people who are willing to do that, but I feel like a little kid, I don't feel like an adult with my 'mommy' and 'daddy' having to drive me around. I have a degree but it doesn't matter because I always have to worry if I can 'get to' a job. My parents are only willing to go certain distances, and I understand that. I have a baby and a four year old , and one day I know they will be embarrassed by me, because everyone else's mother can drive. I'll never be able to take them somewhere by myself. They'll be disgusted with me because they'll know if their dad is out, they will be stuck in the house because their mom is too stupid to drive. I can't say I blame them. I am unemployed now, and it's a tough job market for everyone, but it's harder to find a job when you don't drive and you can't get a lot of places. At one point, my husband suggested going back to school , but I don't want to waste money on getting a degree when I may not be able to get to any jobs that may be available. I feel bad for him, I don't know why he bothered with me. He's always stuck doing all the driving. If we go to a party, he can never just relax and get trashed, because I can't drive us back home, it's not fair to him. I'm just a huge **** up in so many ways ... I feel bad for my mother too, she deserved much better in a child...she didn't deserve to have a dummy who's still dependent on her. I try not to tell her too much about how I feel about this, because I know it breaks her heart to see me upset. I just hate myself, I hate having to ask people if they can take me places...even getting a haircut is a big production, because I have to make sure someone can take me. I just really hate myself, and I'm so ashamed. I have a pretty high IQ and excel a lot at some things, but I just don't have the coordination/ability to drive...I'm ******* worthless. I try not to think about it, because it just bothers me so much, but sometimes I can't help it. Everyday, whether it's riding with someone, or making an appointment to go somewhere, everyday I get a little reminder of what a ******* failure I am. And to top it off, I feel guilty about feeling so sorry for myself,, I'm healthy, and God knows there are people whose lives are much worse than mine, but I can't help it, this just crushes me. It just makes me hate myself so much.