Sometimes I feel worthless, unwanted and unloved, especially unloved. For the last few weeks it's getting more often. But why is that? Don't get me wrong, not everything in my life is bad. I have a well paid job, that I really like. My parents love me, never felt another way. I have my own appartment. I don't have a lot a friends, but I just need a few close ones.
The problem is, that I don't feel valued by my friends all the time. I love helping people, I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, I don't always help people for no reason, that wouldn't be true. But when I help my friends, I just do it because I really want to help them. So did I with a good friend - Jessica - she just got her heart broken, by a guy who just wanted her in bed, even if he knew that she wants more. I spent a lot of time talking to her trying to help her to forget him. I even skipped class for her, I did it because I really liked her. After a while I fell in love with her. I tried to get closer to her (emotionaly) and she said she really likes me. Sometimes there were some loose kisses. So I tried to make a step further. She turned me down, she said she wants me as a very close friend. But then she ignored me for at least 5 weeks. She knew I was (am) feeling bad, but she didn't texted with me. Meanwhile, I was looking at my friends for help. Sometimes they listened to me, but I never had the feeling that they really wanted to help me. I asked them to go out with me to get in contact with other girls to forget Jessica or asked them if they knew someone to go on a date with. But they were always to "busy". By accident I discovered that they went to parties without me a few times. Why were they lying to me ? Do they even give a little **** about me?

It's never easy being turned down by a girl. It has to hurt, I know that, but it hit me really to be left in the lurch by my closest friends. I don't know what to feel in moment. Anger? Sadness? Hate my friends? Hate myself? Sometimes I am wondering who even would care for me if something else (like an accident) happens to me.

My daily life is getting up, going work for 7-10 hours, getting back home, sleep. At the weekend I try to go out with someone, but everyone is "busy" again and going out alone? Me? Never! So I am getting sadder every day, sleeping less every day. I just want to fall in the arms of a lovely girlfriend or at least of a friend, after a bad day.

Sometimes I am surprised of my self, how I get up every day without giving up. Is someone feeling that way too? How can I break this feeling? How can I love myself again?
Gammler Gammler
26-30, M
1 Response Aug 20, 2014

Maybe you should engage yourself into new hobbies.. Hehe.. I can feel you bro., but i think one of the best way is to seek the Help of our God.. :)