Confused

I am 31 years old and haven't had a relationship in many years.  It's frustrating b/c I want to feel love but I think I'm too concerned with protecting myself and not allowing anyone to hurt me.  I find it very difficult to pursue women.  Women are often standoffish and I always interpret this as a lack of interest while I hear a lot that they act this way even if they are interested so that you will pursue them.  It confuses me b/c women are supposed to be the more emotional and expressive of the sexes but I don't see that.  They seem to be more closed off and unavailable than men.  I think if I could be better able to express myself then I would have more success.  I just tend to keep everything locked up though and I won't expose myself to the potential of being rejected.   
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
6 Responses May 14, 2007

The key is to be persistent. A lot of women like playing hard to get. If theres someone you are interested in just approach her. The worst that could happen is not getting a date or pleasing response. However, the reward could be greater. My advice is not to think about it too much or over analyze it, but just go for it.

Thanks Cinderelly, you are awesome!

Power to you, RA. The irony of allowing yourself to move through such vulnerability is that it does make you a little stronger each time. But it`s still a long road to travel and I wish you well.

I've been reading a book called Trauma and Addiction and it talks a lot about emotional literacy which it sounds like you lack (and me too). Not feeling things at all is really bad but it's almost as bad to feel them but to not know why or to not be able to put feelings into words. I'm just working through my first relationship in years and I've found that I really have trouble expressing how I feel. I tend to shut down when I start to feel really emotional. I can't speak or even think, I just feel hurt. I am working on journaling and writing out some of my traumatic past. I've spent years thinking about my past and my troubles but apparently that's not the same as talking or writing things out. I believe that cause all these years of thinking things through has still left me feeling empty and confused.

I know how you feel. Being crazy, for a while i thought it would be better if i didn't feel things.... and while now i do- i am at a loss to try and understand my emotions let alone express them to other people. I'm quite certain it is hard on my husband too.<br />
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As it is, i'd love to develop some more meaningful friendships and a greater depth in my relationships, and i feel this is something that is holding me back.

I know for me, I need to feel loved. I give love, but when I do not feel that it is reciprocated, I withdraw a bit. I have always been in a relationship which I think I need, but only once did I truly feel loved. And he left me.<br />
I am still open to love, but I cannot seem to find it. I like to be persued, I think that is what we learned was normal. The guy persues, I know is old school, but it works for me. It would make me happy. And I feel that I would give 100% back. I think it is important to find someone who is suited to you as not everyone is, I know. I jump in too quick only to discover that we do not think the same about love.<br />
Sorry rambling