Of Course I Am A Brat

Today I bitched a little on facebook and as a result some girl went off on me and unfriended me. Never really talked to the girl, knew her from high school, saw her on campus every now and then, no big deal. But the first words of her rant were "You are a brat".

Of course I am a brat. Everyone is a brat, to a certain degree, about certain things. No need to point out the obvious.

She continued on about how all I do is ***** about my mom and dad and my better than average life and how she's never met anyone so bratty or something like that. I skimmed the rest before deleting the post. Point taken, she sees me as a brat, others must see me that way too, no need to add fuel to the fire.

But there was so much wrong with her statement that I contemplated messaging her anyways just to continue this discussion and correct her misconceptions.

Did I simply want to have the last word? Justify myself? Shut her up? Kiss her ***? Shock her with an answer that she'd never expect? Rile her up so much she blocks me? Or do exactly as would expect from a brat like me?

I didn't message her or anything, but I thought through what little I read from her. Of course I am a brat. But while she claims that I post a lot bitching about my life, she couldn't even get the most often bitched about points correct. Was she simply assuming from nothing? Or never bothered to take in what I was saying in every post except for the negative feelings? It seems my posts bothered her.

I have no mother or father. I am an only child, yet I am a half sibling that someone is hiding in the back of their subconscious, as a way of keeping their life as normal as it can be. My legal guardian is an incapable one, yet the people who i live with who are capable of caring for me are unfit to do so. they expect a raise in their position in my eyes, every couple years or so. I have been abused, and in ways also neglected, been "fixed" with ungodly high doses of prescription pills, and taken to therapists who can't even remember my *unique* name after more than ten visits. I have so many unresolved issues that I have extreme difficulty doing anything on my own. I can't read expressions or body language because what is normal is foreign to me, and what is abnormal to everyone else is as bright as day and as obvious as breathing to me.I think I will always be dependent on someone, and it's mostly thanks to those people who "raised" me, and wish to be seen as "mom and dad".

Of course I am a brat.

Why wouldn't I be a brat? I'm 18, on top of what i wrote in that long paragraph, I live in a middle class suburb of california. I am a ******* brat, and even my boyfriend knows it and calls me out on it and yells at me for it. It may eventually be the end of my relationship. But i think it's okay. It's simply my thoughts and my voice. I don't purposely do it, it's just the overflow after the storm (my oppression at home).

I am open about everything. My sex life, my social life, my grades, my thoughts, my life, my being abused, my poor choices, my regrets. all of it. I openly talk about it through posts.

how could she have missed it?

Which made me think: I'll never get along with her. She's just the opposite of me, in almost every way. No big deal. There's plenty of people I don't get along with and contemplate telling off on Facebook. But I don't because it's not my place to say anything. If it gets to the point where I can't stand them, i'll simply unfriend them. Nothing more. Even if they show their extensive collection of ****** gang tattoos or drug use or abuse. I can't preach to them about their life. Well, I could, but it's pointless. Why? because i don't know them. I don't know what their life was like before I met them. I don't know what it's currently like. I don't know what they think or do or say off of Facebook, I don't know what problems and secrets they've kept from the world until now.

How could I lecture someone else, when I am doing the same thing? I think I am open, but it seems I am not. You don't like what you see, but what if you're seeing the tip of the iceberg, and it's what's underneath that is what's most interesting to you? What if what you thought was true was all a lie?

I need to reevaluate how I perceive myself and how I am perceived by others. I know there are some things I don't give a **** about if I am judged for it, but there are other things I do care about. I'd rather have someone hate me for who I am, than for who they think I am (which turns out to be what i'm not).
xbreathexmusicx xbreathexmusicx
18-21, F
Jan 19, 2013