Emotionaly Numb

I been lonly most of this life. Most of this life has been a waist of time energy money and space my "mother" is a ***** who never wanted kids and had four. My dad was the best dad on earth he past away i watched him there on the hospital bed lifeless. the only person at the time who realy meant something to me. the whole "family" was there screaming and crying while i stood ther and watched, txting my friends what happened, (they wer close to him) and waiting to leave so i could smoke a cig and go to bed. Dont get me wrong i was sad i knew i was i just couldnt feel it I was a dryeyed paulbearer.my cuzins wer all sad everyone was so we smoked blunts at the reception. They wer sad i was bored. Shortly after i ended up getting with this girl who was my most prized possesion i made her happy but then she had to move out of state like a month after we been together. After that we tryed to make it work but it failed horribly. She got back with her ex and i stayed alone since. And i lost alot of friends because i just ddnt care about them anymore i started to do sum realy bad unforgivable things i feel dead inside most of time i think about suicide alot but i wont do it cuz what if sumtin cool happens and my dad comes back to life you know but other than that im only livin to die
socomitednotadicted socomitednotadicted
18-21, M
Jan 7, 2013