There Are No Words Left In Me....

I can't find the words to tell how I feel.It seems that they have left me.All I do now is cry when I need to speak or vent my feelings, the words do not come out.Only tears. I do it in church or at night,sitting alone out on my porch. My friends in my town don't seem to understand why I am so sad. I'm not sure I know. I lost my husband two years ago, I know that is a large part of it....

But, I also have a new someone in my life that I have suddenly found myself in love with. It kind of came out of nowhere. It wasn't intended or planned. I wasn't even looking....It just happened.

Now I don't know where I am. I am not sure who I am. I am lost inside of my own remorse for things passed away, people lost and times that I wish had never gone. I have trouble decideing what I want to do with my life. I have no visions of my future. I can only wish on what I already know.

I love my kids....I wish them to all grow up and be happy, well adjusted people.

I love my family....I wish they could all find a way to stop being so irresponsible and learn to fend for themselves.

I love my friends ......I wish them to all have a happy life.

I love Fabian......I wish I knew if he loved me too.

That's all I have.....There is no more

There is no words for how I feel.....I don't know.

I don't know if I am happy or sad or lonely or all of the above.......

There are no words..................

theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
3 Responses May 17, 2009

Hmm I wrote this, it seems so long ago. Not much has really changed, upon reflection.....I'm doing much better, really, now I think I'm just trying to find my footing and things are a bit hectic.

I think you just have to let go and let it be. It's OK to be vulnerable at times.<br />
<br />
It's OK to play all your cards, we are not perfect, just human, and we need to be loved and taken care of.<br />
<br />
Give yourself a break

Have you tried to talk to Fabian? He may very well feel the same way and that could pick you up exponentially. I'm sorry you're so down, anything you need just ask...