In the Past...or Is It?

Life is complicated. Everyone thinks so no matter if your rich or extrmly happy. Its just something that always happens.

I started young i would say, mayeb not as young as some but  in my book sure. I started going for guys when i was in 8th grade i was sexually active by the time i was 15 i had already been with 2 guys, I wasent in love or anything it just happened. But for some reason when i had found a guy i though i was in "love" with it turned out to e the deffinate opposite.He had called me and arranged for us to havea date go see a movie then after that hang out with some friends because i was always up for it anythign to let me be with him. So we went saw a movie then went to his friends house and things got out of control he had kept feeding me jello shots and i couldnt say no(they where ******* awsome)well the next thing i remeber is him bringing me a drink of "water" so he said it was because i felt liek i was going to puke..he brougt me the water and i drunk it down and after that it was all blank i passed out ... maybe an hour or 2 later i wake up and i see him and his 2 friends around me naked and i saw myself naked and all i can remember doing is screaming, and yelling for my friend that was there but she had left came to find out...i remeber trying to run but when i tried to get up i kept falling and then i remeber him picking me up and throwing me up against the wall then i remeber his friend getting a baseball bat and hitting me in the head and then after that i was passed out...I had woke up the next morning, i was sore i was bleeding and i couldnt move i looked over next to me and he was laying beside me...all i could do was cry i cried for an hour then he woke up turned to me and asked me what was wrong and then i remember trying to punch him and him making up this story that i had done a bunch of drugs and drunk to much and it was all in my head but he couldnt explain the knot i had on my head for 2 months...so i went along with it because i would have no way home otherwise and i couldnt tell my dad because he would have killed me then have murdered the guy so i kept it to myself never being able to say anything...finally i broke up with him and he moved away rigth after that..

But i have never been able to get over it..Right now i am 16 almost 17 and i am married and i hae a son... my husband is nothign like the guy but ihavent been able to tell my husband about this i barley have sex with him or anything and its so hard fro me to trust him..I dont think i will ever be able to get over this although i try every day for my babys sake and my hubbys sake


ChampagneSupernova ChampagneSupernova
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 13, 2006

omgosh sweetie, my eyes are filled with tears. I'm glad you wrote about it. I hope and pray that you would be able to get some professionel help. You do not have to do it alone. Keep writing sweetie. its been so good for all.