I Can't Forgive My Mom
My mother has a very high-profile, important job, and she likes it. Power probably has a lot to do with that.
It consumes practically all of her time, but that's her choice - she's a workaholic, she does her job well, and she'd be like that even with a lesser job.
It makes me wonder why she chose to have children in the first place...I don't think it's right to have children if you won't commit to raise them.
She bought me all the stuff I needed but all my life I've seen her about once a week because she's rarely at home or she arrives so late that everyone else is asleep. I don't mind now, I can take care of myself, but I don't feel like she's my mother at all. The only conversations we had when I was little were about how important it was that I beat all the other kids at maths and that my grades should be at the top so I could be like my older brothers and like my parents, and that I should be careful about what I eat because nothing is worse than a fat woman. That's all she taught me: be pretty, be thin, be successful; nothing else matters.
When I was in fourth grade my only friend betrayed me and left me alone and my grades went down. I want to clear something up first: I don't live in the USA. I live in a country where there's obscene inequality of opportunities - public schools are so extremely bad, that poor people can only stay poor. Seriously, kids graduate from them without being able to understand what they read, while in private schools children are trilingual.
My mother was pissed that my grades were bad that year so she gave me an ultimatum: next semester, if your grades are at least [insert almost-maximum grade here] I will take you on a trip to see all of europe and I'll buy you whatever you want. However, if they're lower than [...], I'll consider that your education is not worth paying for and I'll just put you in any public school.
I made an effort that semester, but not so great as to get the trip. I didn't want it, the whole thing was a really insulting display of how utterly conditional her "love" was. I told her, I don't want your trip at all.
I had to grow up and mature as a person very, very early on because I understood no one was ever going to play with me, help me with my homework, listen to me cry or help me with boy troubles. I never cried anyway, it was seen as shameful sign of weakness at my house.
I don't need her now and haven't for years, but I can't really forgive her that easily for what she did and didn't do. Her legacy is a person who is extremely reserved, traumatized with her weight and, indeed, academically successful. If I ever choose to become a mother, I promise I will give all I've got to be the best mother in the world, because I don't think a person should even be allowed to have children if they don't have the time to raise them, the money to feed them, and love to give them.
It consumes practically all of her time, but that's her choice - she's a workaholic, she does her job well, and she'd be like that even with a lesser job.
It makes me wonder why she chose to have children in the first place...I don't think it's right to have children if you won't commit to raise them.
She bought me all the stuff I needed but all my life I've seen her about once a week because she's rarely at home or she arrives so late that everyone else is asleep. I don't mind now, I can take care of myself, but I don't feel like she's my mother at all. The only conversations we had when I was little were about how important it was that I beat all the other kids at maths and that my grades should be at the top so I could be like my older brothers and like my parents, and that I should be careful about what I eat because nothing is worse than a fat woman. That's all she taught me: be pretty, be thin, be successful; nothing else matters.
When I was in fourth grade my only friend betrayed me and left me alone and my grades went down. I want to clear something up first: I don't live in the USA. I live in a country where there's obscene inequality of opportunities - public schools are so extremely bad, that poor people can only stay poor. Seriously, kids graduate from them without being able to understand what they read, while in private schools children are trilingual.
My mother was pissed that my grades were bad that year so she gave me an ultimatum: next semester, if your grades are at least [insert almost-maximum grade here] I will take you on a trip to see all of europe and I'll buy you whatever you want. However, if they're lower than [...], I'll consider that your education is not worth paying for and I'll just put you in any public school.
I made an effort that semester, but not so great as to get the trip. I didn't want it, the whole thing was a really insulting display of how utterly conditional her "love" was. I told her, I don't want your trip at all.
I had to grow up and mature as a person very, very early on because I understood no one was ever going to play with me, help me with my homework, listen to me cry or help me with boy troubles. I never cried anyway, it was seen as shameful sign of weakness at my house.
I don't need her now and haven't for years, but I can't really forgive her that easily for what she did and didn't do. Her legacy is a person who is extremely reserved, traumatized with her weight and, indeed, academically successful. If I ever choose to become a mother, I promise I will give all I've got to be the best mother in the world, because I don't think a person should even be allowed to have children if they don't have the time to raise them, the money to feed them, and love to give them.
By:
Grisvisage
Age:
18-21
,
Female
