I Can't Forgive My Mom
Those who are close to me, and some very good friends on here, know that my childhood was definitely not a walk in the park. My mother was never there for me when I needed her the most, never protected me from anything that she should have. I cut ties with her and her husband, as well as my sister who is fifteen years my junior. I was sitting here this morning and cruising EP, my usual hang out, when the phone ring. I answered because that's why we have a telephone, and you never know who is on the other end of the line. We have caller I.D. but it doesn't always show who the caller is because the phone company I have really needs to update their equipment. Upon saying hello, a woman on the line ask for me. My first thought was "oh no, not another telemarketer or bill collector", however after she identified her self and began telling me why she was calling, I would have been happier had it been a telemarketer or, yes, a bill collector.
She was a social worker calling from one of the major hospitals in the state in which I reside. I often use this hospital because it's my doctors preference and he is also a resident doctor.Well to get back on point, the social worker said that my "mother" was there and needed a ride home, and she asked if I would come and get her. Now, I have to tell you that at this point, I did have an amount of rage that went through me like a lightening bolt. Had any one bean near, the bad energy coming off me would likely have almost electrocuted them. I reached into my medicine container and took two milligrams of Xanax and was listening to the voice on the other end of the line. I closed my eyes tightly, took a couple of deep breaths and decided that this woman that I was speaking to had done nothing to deserve my anger, and that she likely did not know the situation.She went on to explain to me that they had brought her in the evening before for a severe anxiety attack due to stress because her daughter (NOT ME) had attempted suicide the previous evening. (I already knew what had happened because someone who had knowledge of the events had already told me.)
I spoke to her in a kind voice, and simply told her that I had no idea why she gave them my phone number, because I had not had any contact with this woman, her husband, or my sister in almost five years. She said that they had tried to get an ambulance to bring her home, but they couldn't spare any because they were very busy. I knew she was trying to make me feel obligated, but I remained calm, (thank God the Xanax was kicking in, I can't stand for someone to try the "guilt" tactics as I had been done that way all of my life by the woman called "mother", so I tend to get a bit touchy!) I calmly explained to her that I wasn't cold hearted, but I would not be picking her up, and that she had just wasted her time calling me. She asked me if I knew of anyone that could come and get her, and I gave her the phone number to her neighbor, my cousin, and told her that I would appreciate it if she didn't mention that I gave it to her. She said that she wouldn't, and went on to explain (she had been given permission) that my sister was sent to a hospital further away that was equipped to deal with people who had attempted suicide, or had substance abuse problems. I went on to tell her that, in my humble opinion. that was where the person belonged that she was calling me about because she had some severe issues that she needed to address mentally if she thought for one second I would jump in there and volunteer for more emotional abuse when I had more than enough issues of my own, and I had enough of that from her to last a lifetime. I went on to explain that it was my decision to cut all ties, and that my counselor as well as my psychiatrist had also advised me to do so because it was an extremely toxic relationship. I was a bit shocked when this woman said that she understood that it was best to keep toxic people out of your life because that is never healthy. I had gotten the impression that this woman knew more than she was saying about the behavior of the person that she was calling me about.
Now ;et me explain how this "mother" usually operates when she doesn't get her way, and I have had no contact in nearly five years, so this was a ploy to "get her way"She will use the "attempted suicide" of the younger daughter for all the attention and sympathy she can get. Since the one who attempted suicide probably used this womans meds, she will play the victim here, and milk the situation for all it's worth.From what I was told by someone who would know, this woman has to go to her physician every two weeks to get her prescriptions, this is from the same doctor that did NOTHING to help me (or any of her patients that were suffering). So, yes, I know that fact to be true. However if it's time for a UA, she will have the excuse that her daughter (AGAIN NOT ME) stole her meds and tried to over dose to commit suicide. It is a valid excuse except for the fact that she wouldn't have had to "steal" anything because she has never heard the word no from her "mother" concerning any thing.Even when she took the checkbook away from them (her parents) and decided ho the money would be spent, they said nothing until months went by and bills went unpaid. Finally, the old perv threw a fit and threatened to prosecute her for forgery, then they resumed control of their checkbook. ( I highly doubt you could give one of my kids enough money to even attempt such a thing) Okay, back on track... The old woman thought that if she got the social worker to call me, I would feel sorry for her and jump back in with both feet.( NOT HAPPENING FOR ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY, OR ANY THING ELSE IN THIS WORLD) You see, I had spent a year not speaking to them, and then she had a horrible accident, and as soon as I got the call, I went. She as unconscious for almost a week, because of a broken collar bone and arm, they kept her sedated to avoid the worst of the pain.This was in 2007, not long before I attempted to end my own life. Had I stayed away then, maybe I wouldn't have attempted what I did. I was already dealing with severe mind bending pain 24/7 and having to endure their drama and take some of their responsibilities as well. They didn't care that I wasn't able to run their errands, barely being able to take care of the things that I was responsible for, but do you think they cared ? ABSOLUTELY NOT EVEN IN THE LEAST...Now if the other daughter needed anything, they jumped through hoops for her. I have even been told that one or the other was dying in the past years (LONG AGO) so that after trying to cut ties, I would feel sorry for them and run right back. I DID many times. That doesn't work on me any more. I have always put myself last to try to be a good "daughter" even after all of the abuse I had to endure in my childhood, as well as all of the false complaints that were phoned into social services because I wouldn't loan money that I couldn't afford or refused to do something that they wanted me to do... I am just done. When I told her the last time, almost five years ago that I wanted nothing more to do with them, apparently she did not take me serious, I don't think she ever has taken me serious just like she never thought my feelings mattered, she never felt any remorse for the way they treated me. I wonder if it's sinking in now ? They have alienated, hurt, used and done everyone dirty that ever tried to help them, that now the three are alone, and NO ONE WILL HELP THEM THAT KNOWS THEM.
Maybe they should have treated people decent like they were treated. I guess once you have burned all of your bridges, you are bound to get stranded on the lonely side where no one will throw you a rope. I suppose they are starting to learn that they are now seeing that the reaping of what they have sewn is not so pleasant. That Karma is in fact a *****. They have called me a ***** and much worse, but I am not Karma, that they have created all on their own. I always thought that when this day came, I would get satisfaction from it. Believe it or not I am not getting any satisfaction what so ever. I don't feel much of any thing. I was very angry when I received that call, but, not any more. I see them as sad and pathetic. I refuse to feel sorry for them after a lifetime of pain, both physical and emotional. I will not get involved with that toxic relationship for ANY reason, but I no longer feel the hate that I once did even when I first became a member here at EP. As far as I am concerned. they have made their bed and as uncomfortable as it is, they have to lie in it with the lumps and all.
UPDATE...........ANOTHER TACTIC SINCE THE ONE ABOVE DIDN'T WORK
Two days later, after she got someone to come and get her (which wasn't me) she called the store across from me and left a message with the owner for me to call her. He didn't want to give me the message, because he knows that I have had nothing but a rough life because of them. He gave the message to my husband, and after feeling severely angry, I picked up the phone and called her. I was blunt and ask her what she wanted. She didn't even bother to ask me how I was (typical behavior from her, I expected no less). She goes right to the question asking if I called up to the hospital (institution) to talk to my sister. I told her no that I didn't feel I had to and would not, that I wasn't the one who made her that way, and I did not feel any guilt or pity for her. After a few moments of silence she then has the gall to ask if I called the other hospital tp ask about MY ABUSER. That was absolutely infuriating to me. I made it clear that I felt no pity for him, and could nor care any less about what happens to him than I do. I then go on to tell her that I can't even take care of myself, and have done just fine with out any of them. She says, "If I had a car, I would come over" I said "NO, that would not be a good idea". I let her know that things will never change as far as me having ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM EVER AGAIN. After that, she said, well good bye then, I LOVE YOU. I almost cursed her good and proper, but without saying much, I just said good bye, and hung up. I also made it clear that she was NEVER to call the store again, before I hung up.
I am told later that evening that she called her sister and asked if she and her husband would move in and take care of her and the *********.
So. you see, that was what she was going to ask me. and let me tell you, I would never do it EVEN IF HELL FROZE OVER!!!! This is the kind of person she is, and I am not angry now, but I regret that I waited so long to cut off all communication. It has ben almost five years, she only wanted to use me again, eve though I am not able.....Oh well, as long as her precious princess is okay,I guess that's all that matters...Personally, I think I was generous to give her the few minutes on the phone that I did, and because I don't hate them anymore. ......
She was a social worker calling from one of the major hospitals in the state in which I reside. I often use this hospital because it's my doctors preference and he is also a resident doctor.Well to get back on point, the social worker said that my "mother" was there and needed a ride home, and she asked if I would come and get her. Now, I have to tell you that at this point, I did have an amount of rage that went through me like a lightening bolt. Had any one bean near, the bad energy coming off me would likely have almost electrocuted them. I reached into my medicine container and took two milligrams of Xanax and was listening to the voice on the other end of the line. I closed my eyes tightly, took a couple of deep breaths and decided that this woman that I was speaking to had done nothing to deserve my anger, and that she likely did not know the situation.She went on to explain to me that they had brought her in the evening before for a severe anxiety attack due to stress because her daughter (NOT ME) had attempted suicide the previous evening. (I already knew what had happened because someone who had knowledge of the events had already told me.)
I spoke to her in a kind voice, and simply told her that I had no idea why she gave them my phone number, because I had not had any contact with this woman, her husband, or my sister in almost five years. She said that they had tried to get an ambulance to bring her home, but they couldn't spare any because they were very busy. I knew she was trying to make me feel obligated, but I remained calm, (thank God the Xanax was kicking in, I can't stand for someone to try the "guilt" tactics as I had been done that way all of my life by the woman called "mother", so I tend to get a bit touchy!) I calmly explained to her that I wasn't cold hearted, but I would not be picking her up, and that she had just wasted her time calling me. She asked me if I knew of anyone that could come and get her, and I gave her the phone number to her neighbor, my cousin, and told her that I would appreciate it if she didn't mention that I gave it to her. She said that she wouldn't, and went on to explain (she had been given permission) that my sister was sent to a hospital further away that was equipped to deal with people who had attempted suicide, or had substance abuse problems. I went on to tell her that, in my humble opinion. that was where the person belonged that she was calling me about because she had some severe issues that she needed to address mentally if she thought for one second I would jump in there and volunteer for more emotional abuse when I had more than enough issues of my own, and I had enough of that from her to last a lifetime. I went on to explain that it was my decision to cut all ties, and that my counselor as well as my psychiatrist had also advised me to do so because it was an extremely toxic relationship. I was a bit shocked when this woman said that she understood that it was best to keep toxic people out of your life because that is never healthy. I had gotten the impression that this woman knew more than she was saying about the behavior of the person that she was calling me about.
Now ;et me explain how this "mother" usually operates when she doesn't get her way, and I have had no contact in nearly five years, so this was a ploy to "get her way"She will use the "attempted suicide" of the younger daughter for all the attention and sympathy she can get. Since the one who attempted suicide probably used this womans meds, she will play the victim here, and milk the situation for all it's worth.From what I was told by someone who would know, this woman has to go to her physician every two weeks to get her presc
Maybe they should have treated people decent like they were treated. I guess once you have burned all of your bridges, you are bound to get stranded on the lonely side where no one will throw you a rope. I suppose they are starting to learn that they are now seeing that the reaping of what they have sewn is not so pleasant. That Karma is in fact a *****. They have called me a ***** and much worse, but I am not Karma, that they have created all on their own. I always thought that when this day came, I would get satisfaction from it. Believe it or not I am not getting any satisfaction what so ever. I don't feel much of any thing. I was very angry when I received that call, but, not any more. I see them as sad and pathetic. I refuse to feel sorry for them after a lifetime of pain, both physical and emotional. I will not get involved with that toxic relationship for ANY reason, but I no longer feel the hate that I once did even when I first became a member here at EP. As far as I am concerned. they have made their bed and as uncomfortable as it is, they have to lie in it with the lumps and all.
UPDATE...........ANOTHER TACTIC SINCE THE ONE ABOVE DIDN'T WORK
Two days later, after she got someone to come and get her (which wasn't me) she called the store across from me and left a message with the owner for me to call her. He didn't want to give me the message, because he knows that I have had nothing but a rough life because of them. He gave the message to my husband, and after feeling severely angry, I picked up the phone and called her. I was blunt and ask her what she wanted. She didn't even bother to ask me how I was (typical behavior from her, I expected no less). She goes right to the question asking if I called up to the hospital (institution) to talk to my sister. I told her no that I didn't feel I had to and would not, that I wasn't the one who made her that way, and I did not feel any guilt or pity for her. After a few moments of silence she then has the gall to ask if I called the other hospital tp ask about MY ABUSER. That was absolutely infuriating to me. I made it clear that I felt no pity for him, and could nor care any less about what happens to him than I do. I then go on to tell her that I can't even take care of myself, and have done just fine with out any of them. She says, "If I had a car, I would come over" I said "NO, that would not be a good idea". I let her know that things will never change as far as me having ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM EVER AGAIN. After that, she said, well good bye then, I LOVE YOU. I almost cursed her good and proper, but without saying much, I just said good bye, and hung up. I also made it clear that she was NEVER to call the store again, before I hung up.
I am told later that evening that she called her sister and asked if she and her husband would move in and take care of her and the *********.
So. you see, that was what she was going to ask me. and let me tell you, I would never do it EVEN IF HELL FROZE OVER!!!! This is the kind of person she is, and I am not angry now, but I regret that I waited so long to cut off all communication. It has ben almost five years, she only wanted to use me again, eve though I am not able.....Oh well, as long as her precious princess is okay,I guess that's all that matters...Personally, I think I was generous to give her the few minutes on the phone that I did, and because I don't hate them anymore. ......
By:
TwilightDream
Age:
36-40
,
Female
