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I'm Not Sure What To Do Anymore

My mom just doesn't care about me. My father died three years ago from kidney cancer, but even before that I was scared of her yelling at me. Before my dad died, there was this incident where he flipped out and started hitting me with pillows (he was going to use a crutch before my mom stopped him) all because I didn't blowdry my hair. But my mom just stood there watching him and my sister was upstairs and heard him yelling, and just told him to keep it down. I'm so tired of everything. Recently, my sister flipped out and lost control for the first time. She kept yelling and yelling at me and asking me why I couldn't follow her instructions like she wanted to control me. She kept freaking out and kept saying stuff like I was so stupid. Also, after my dad died, my mom went ballistic and crazy. She used to yell at me all the time and call me useless and an animal and once she told me i should go die. But now, the yelling is less frequent but all she does is go upstairs and watch a movie every night, alone. We barely talk. It's like we're two strangers in a house together. She doesn't care about me. She doesn't ask me about school or she doesn't even really know anything about my interests or what i like. She doesn't care about how I improved my grades. And I'm so tired of everything. I cut myself once. I even talked to her about her emotional abuse (i think it is, right? Because I know it's wrong and no parent should treat their child like this.) and she didn't listen. She didn't listen to me. She heard it and she acted all nice to me the next day but then soon enough she yelled at me and things are back to normal--just lots of distance and not caring and sometimes she's angry and she just yells. I thought about it and I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't go on and preserve until college. I just wish I had a mom, in a real sense of the word; like someone who would care and ask me about my day and care.
floresea floresea 16-17 Aug 17, 2012

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