Letting Go

I stop talking to my mother two years ago. It is so painful that I am not ready to rehash it here yet. I got a phone call that she was sick so I went to her. She kept saying I have not talk to you in two years, she knew why and I decided to try to have a relationship with her again and yet it did not feel the same. I had no love for her. What we had was gone. Everyone is not going to be a good mother and that is something I have to deal with. I have tried not to be like my mother. I love my girls. My mother was a terrible mother and I hate her for what she did to my life and I felt that she could have done better and she knew what she was doing, and yet she hurt me every time she could, she even hurt my children feelings, so I knew enough was enough. I never say anything bad about her in front of my children, Actually I do not say anything at all about her. I act like she does not exist. She treated all of her grandchildren better than she treat mine. She claim that she loves everyone different. What a joke! You do not hurt you love on purpose. I really needed some money bad and I ask her, I have done this only once and she said no and than belittled me so bad that I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Than she preceded to give everyone else in the family money. Everyone in the family said that she was jealous of me and the fact that I have a loving husband and family. All I know is that I can never go back to that place with her again, I do not think that I would make it. i tried to have a relationship with her, but I know in my heart, that if I did it would destroy me.