Letting Go

I stop talking to my mother two years ago. It is so painful that I am not ready to rehash it here yet. I got a phone call that she was sick so I went to her. She kept saying I have not talk to you in two years, she knew why and I decided to try to have a relationship with her again and yet it did not feel the same. I had no love for her. What we had was gone. Everyone is not going to be a good mother and that is something I have to deal with. I have tried not to be like my mother. I love my girls. My mother was a terrible mother and I hate her for what she did to my life and I felt that she could have done better and she knew what she was doing, and yet she hurt me every time she could, she even hurt my children feelings, so I knew enough was enough. I never say anything bad about her in front of my children, Actually I do not say anything at all about her. I act like she does not exist. She treated all of her grandchildren better than she treat mine. She claim that she loves everyone different. What a joke! You do not hurt you love on purpose. I really needed some money bad and I ask her, I have done this only once and she said no and than belittled me so bad that I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Than she preceded to give everyone else in the family money. Everyone in the family said that she was jealous of me and the fact that I have a loving husband and family. All I know is that I can never go back to that place with her again, I do not think that I would make it. i tried to have a relationship with her, but I know in my heart, that if I did it would destroy me.
bree212 bree212
46-50, F
3 Responses Oct 18, 2012

Your story is so similar to mine. Except when my mom told me she was sick with cancer, she was just lying to get me to talk to her again after she had already hurt me. And I feel the same... If I let her back into my life, it will destroy me. Sending lots of love and strength your way. <3

A prayer helps before it hurts! Yu need some spiritual and soul meditation. More than anything you have to remember this you only get one mother we didn't choose her and she didn't choose us but for 9 months you were in her womb.... No pressure but just think on your lil ones n your womb and how much love just right there between you and your seed.

I found this article the other day - dealing with my own family dysfuntion, it is worth reading. Dealing with Family dysfuntion and when to walk away - I can't copy and past the URL in here but maybe you can google it and find it....