My Mother Must Have Hated Me.

I can't get over it and now I'm almost 55 years old. 3 kids and I was the youngest.

In 2nd grade I was responsible for unlocking the house door after we all got out of school. Sometimes I would forget the key and my older siblings would physically and mentally abuse me then when my parents got home, I got it again.

By 3rd grade I was pulled out of class by the school nurse and she demanded to know where all my bruises came from so like always I lied. Then, I mysteriously came down with hypititus and almost died.

By 4th grade, I was having horrible non-stop migranes and was finally taken to a hospital. The nurse ran a brain scan and questioned me about being beaten and again, I lied. That nurse knew my mom was behind it and demanded to see me 3 times a week but that never happened. Instead, when my mother got me in the car she said she could still beat me but just in the head because she didn't want to go to jail. The beatings came from my parents and both older siblings, as I was their punching bag. I remember my mom telling my 2 older siblings not to hit me in the head anymore or she would get blamed for it. My older sister said "Why not?", and my older brother said, "I will if she deserves it." Then to really make things worse for me, I was constantly told what a horrible person I was, and I was ugly.

I remember the big birthday parties held for my older siblings, but I never had one, so even as a kid I didn't go to classmates birthday parties because I knew I would never be able to invite them to one of mine. (Tears). To this day, I will occasionally buy myself a Birthday Cake and it feels good.

Christmas was not a wonderful time of the year for me either. I had a cousin who my mom always put before me. If my mother bought me 5 things (normal for me) then my cousin got exactly what I wanted, then I had to watch her open 40 other gifts from relatives on Christmas Eve. When, I finally got to open my few gifts I already knew what they were. :( Then, I got to watch my older sister and brother open their normal 12-20 gifts. (with tears in my eyes).

I'll never understand why my mother chose me to do many other mean things to as well. I tried to love her, that was all I wanted. My dad wasn't there for me but he was for my older siblings.

My mother died in 2007 and before she died she asked for my hand at her bedside and told me that she was sorry for everything she had ever done to me. I almost threw up and told her it was a little late to ease her conscious and left her room. She died 3 days later and I don't miss her.

Life as a child and kid for me was hell and as hard as I try to forgive and forget, that unending stream of abuse still haunts me and always will.

Ismhal Ismhal
2 Responses Nov 25, 2012

<3 I hope this forum gives you strength

That is horrible. Why do you think they singled you out? Have you seen a counselor to work out your grief over your childhood? I hope your parents rot in hell.

Because you were treated SO differently, I think of my own children.
I have 3 children, and although we try to love and treat them all equally, they all act differently. The youngest one constantly does the opposite of what he is told, and creates dramatic scenes purely for attention. For instance, at the dinner table the entire family will be having pleasant conversation and dining nicely, and he will interrupt and loudly start chanting nonsense just for attention. Another example is when the kids are riding their bikes on the driveway (we have a very long gravel drive), and the youngest will get his bike stuck in the only dirt patch out there. He will fuss, and we tell him to avoid that patch so he doesn't get stuck. We then help him move his bike off the patch. He actually walks his bike back to the patch, gets on it, then kicks and screams and cries about being stuck again! Needless to say, he spends a lot of time in his room for his behavior. I wish he would be good, so he can play all day like our other two.

I have thought long and hard about why he does things that put him constantly in time-out. It is just about 99 percent of the time that he is in trouble. Then when the other kids get a treat, like ice cream, and he doesn't get one due to behavior - he cries and says he wants to be good. We calmly give him step by step directions on how to be good and hope that he earns a treat the next time, but most of the time he does not earn his treat. It makes me sad, but I don't let him know that because my sadness is just another form of the negative attention he seems so intent on.

Do you think that horrible children (and I hate to call my child horrible, because I love him, but he is horrible most of the time) really understand that they are acting so very differently than the other kids... or do you think that they just see themselves as being unfairly treated?

I ask this also, because I saw myself as a pretty good kid, but my mother tells me I screamed as a baby a lot, and made her life miserable my first year or so. I don't remember doing this of course, because I was a baby, but she holds it against me to this day.