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How Could You?...

I cant help but wonder everyday why my own mother would consume hard drugs while pregnant with me, it kills me to know she couldn't stop using for nine months...and it makes me sick to think I came into this world addicted to drugs, I suffered through withdrawals like and addicted, I was medicated like an addict...only hours old.
To this day I live a rocky life, constantly fighting every system that tries to control me, taking my anger out on myself and everyone around me, suffering with personality disorders, mood disorders and severe depression. Its not just the drug use that hurt me, what also hurts me is after she destroyed me, she left me. For 13 years I had no idea who my mother was...I had to grow up so fast, I lost sight on reality, I shut down, I lied, I became isolated...I stopped caring.
Life is better now, currently medicated. Surrounded by just a few caring friends, attending therapy and I have goals in life. But whenever I get a call from my mother asking if ill come visit all those dark emotions come flooding back...I'm so trapped.
AwkwardSadie AwkwardSadie 18-21, F Jan 1, 2013

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