I Don't Want To Be Like You
I can't say how many times a day, everyday, I think of your attitude and odd behavior. I hope that you know it's not a one-sided hurt and betrayal.
I can't even voice my opinion without you putting me down, reminding me of the times I yelled at you, reminding me of the shame I've brought into the family and onto you.
I don't even want to begin on the things you've said to me, the things you've done to me. Do you understand why I married that ugly terrible old man? It was because you told me to. Do you know why I stayed for 4 years under his reign over me in all the times he hit and pushed me down? It was because I thought of you and the impact my divorce on him would have on you. Do you know why I would yell at you everytime I was angry? It was because I keep hearing you telling me to marry that old jerk who doesn't give a S**** about you. It was because he was able to sweet talk his way to your heart. It was because he had hit me. It was because even after my divorce you'd call to check up on him. It was because you call Aunt NC to yell at me for divorcing him. It was because you put words into my mouth. It was because you betrayed me. It was because you sold me. It was because I don't trust you anymore.
Mom, why does it take one sweet lie from him to make you believe him? I feel like you're burying me alive. I hurt and now you're turning me into a stone.
I want to forgive you mom, but I cannot if you continue this behavior. Does it take death to make you understand me and the pain I've gone through to make you happy? This is your weakness mom, you're easily tricked. And I am not like you. I don't need a man to take charge of my life nor will I carry the blackened veil of a non-virgin divorcee in shame the rest of my life. I'm glad I won't be growing up to be like you. How can you even think it permissible to all the things you've done and are doing? No, I won't grow up to be like you. It doesn't matter if I'm smarter or dumber, I just don't want to be like you.