Trying To Forgive...Today i came home from work and i had an email from someone i didn't recognize, i opened it and realized it was from my biological mother. I read it and felt nothing. I didn't have an emotion, i wasn't sad, happy, or angry. I didn't know how to feel at the moment, and i didn't know what to do. Do i respond? if i do am i nice? am nasty? do i ignore it and just go on? I know if i ignore all i would think about would be the possible outcome of me giving it a chance. I can't forgive, i don't think i really truly ever will, but its worth a shot! I e-mailed my mother back, as i was writing i realized that i never had a full conversation with her except for the little things i had the ability to say at the age of two. I explained to my mother that i don't think i can forgive her, even though it has been 16 years the cuts still hurt. I don't want her to meet my son, or my wife, i don't know if i want to meet with her myself, i think im scared of getting hurt again! Is this normal? i remeber growing up i always played a role in my head of a time that my mom would come and say how handsome i was, how smart i am, how much she loves me, how much she never meant to hurt me. and i always said i would run into her arms forgive her like nothing ever happened, but now that its here, i don't think i can. I think its been too long for me to easily forgive. I don't know how im supposed to feel.
DmasterP 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 Oct 17, 2011