Only Skin Deep

I'm really good at meeting people and giving off a decent first impression. But, apparently, everything after that is just downhill. After those first few meetings, I just sort of fade away into the background...I become a wall flower.

Yes, I can be quiet, reserved...and I often have little to say. I can make small talk when I'm in the mood...but there's something about the "truly getting to know each other" stage that I can never seem to get past. I don't ask too many personal questions, and I try not to share too much about my personal life (as I feel nobody really cares to know). As a result, all my relationships, except for a select few are very shallow. My many "friends" are people I can count on to have a good time with. Beyond that, there really isn't anything of substance.

Maybe another thing is that I'm not very good at following up. I know friendships are something you need to work at to keep "alive," especially if you both part ways and move to different cities. But, shouldn't it be two-sided? I try sometimes to meet up or email and update with old friends. It works for awhile, but then they just get too busy and fade away again. It feels like if I want to keep their friendship, I have to initiate. I'm never on the receiving end of random calls or emails asking to catch up.

This is evident in the romantic aspects of my social life as well. In the dating world...it seems like the guys who take interest just can't wait to get to know me better because I seem so mysterious in the beginning. However, when I DO chose to let them into my life, their interest fades quickly...they realize there is zero connection. I'm I just THAT bland? It's possible.

Sometimes, it just feels like I am being left behind and forgotten. I'm like that old toy you used to LOVE playing with. But, at one point in time, you misplaced me and you never cared to search again because you've got shiny new toys to play with.

Some people come through your life and imprint deeply like a scar in your memory. I seem to be a small scratch that heals quickly and disappears. Guess I don't leave deep enough of an impression in people. Guess I'm only skin deep.
raynna raynna
22-25, F
May 23, 2012