Comforting Someone Crying

I know how you feel, I've had a lot of difficulty knowing how to comfort people in real life. I'm reserved, standoffish and formal by nature, so it is something that I was always going to struggle with.

I've only ever comforted a crying person with a hug once, but that was more because she fell into me; I've certainly never managed to reach out to anyone.

It's not for a lack of empathy, either, but like you, because I am used to dealing with my emotions on my own, by myself, there is no ease in dealing with others.

I get the feeling that once I am more at ease with my own feelings, and more secure and centred in myself, then I will be better at just reaching across the wondering as to whether or not someone wants physical reassurance or not. Maybe coming to a better sense of comfort with your own emotions might put you in a better position to achieve the intimacy you mention, also?

I also suspect that for people who are still learning how to do this, doing such things progressively might work best - first move near them. Then a hand on their shoulder. Then a hug, depending on how they respond to each of those things...

Good luck, in any case :)

I know this is an old story or topic that was discussed but it brings up emotions for me and felt compelled to share. In my bio building and maitaining healthy relationships with others has been a goal for me. For me, it's very reminiscent of my childhood and upbringing that has caused this struggle in my life. Growing up our family wasn't the loving, nurturing type in terms of showing and giving endearing terms of affection. No hugging, no I Love You's ( unless in crisis to the point of a burning desire for lack of a better word?) My needs were always met, I never truly wanted for anything, I was well fed, dressed and all the external things provided. In our culture that's how love and affection was known that you had clothing, food and shelter meant you were loved. So I was never accustomed to the level of embracing others via hugs or using terms of endearment. I think that was the missing link for me into adulthood. So as a parent I think I struggled with my kids in giving hugs and showing love outside of provide for the basic needs and spoiling them with things as my parents did? A vicious cycle and not know when, where or even how it started, just that it is. Seeing other families showing love and affection was always uncomfortable for me and even when people would reach out to hug me it felt awkward.

Through life experiences, therapy and just taking risks I've grown alot in this area but it's still a work in progress?

What I find now in relationships is the ability to trust people and allow myself to become vulnerable around them and not think they are going to use it as a sign of weakness against me is the challenge now. Particularly with women, something I've always had bad or negative experiences with moreso than with men? Most of the women who have come and gone in my life have all hurt me, starting with those in my family who should be closet and most trustworthy I've learned, not necessarily so? Sometimes it's those closest to you that can and will hurt you the most, at least in my experience.

So, I agree with the topic and comments here and share that you are not alone. I've learned for me I know I can never change others and can only change myself so I continue to try to be the best person I can be, extend myself to others without expectations and if someone comes across my path in despair I offer my empathy and support and if it calls for a hug, I may or may not asks first, can I give you a hug? It just depends on the vibes I get or who the person is and how well do I know them and last the circumstances and if I feel priviledged or invited into someone's personal space at the level of a hug or I Love you. I try to keep in mind the level of respect I command from others and treating people the way I want to be treated, no matter what. I usually come out better for it in the end.