It Will Always Be Something.

I'm probably going to live in this bedroom forever, and die in it.

So, I got started with college, which was a great accomplishment for me. I was happy. For a while. But, it's not good enough. I turn 21 in October and I STILL don't have my license/car. My little sister got her license Friday, and I think that is the reason for all of this hitting me so hard.

Lately, I've been so incredibly sick of depending on others. I feel like my life is 100% pointless, right now. I've fallen into this depression. I can't get a car because I don't have the money to do that. I can't get a job because I don't have a car. Hmm... Endless cycle of defeat?? I think so.

Everybody I know got a car, or help buying a car, from their parents. My parents struggle to stay in their own crappy vehicles, let alone are they going to get me a car. My mom can't take me to work. I live in a town where there is nothing I can do within walking distance. We do not have public transport out here in town, population 300. Literally. That isn't a joke. My mom has to drive almost an hour away for work. Nobody else I know lives close enough to be able to help me out. My sister can't, either, she's not allowed to bring her car home from her dad's house, it's not doing her much good over here.

I really don't know what to resort to, at this point. I just know that I can't get up off the ground. I'm stuck here. In this room. I can't just get up and say, "I'm going to the store for the things I need." Nope. I've got to wait until someone isn't busy and ask them to take me, then feel like the World's biggest loser. My boyfriend doesn't drive, either. So, we see each other once every 2-3 weeks, and when we are actually together, all we do is sit up in his room or outside. I want to go places with him. I want to go places with myself. More importantly, I want to work and earn an honest living for myself. I also would like to do some sort of internship or volunteer work.

I can't sleep being so stressed out over all of this. It sucks.
urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin
22-25, F
Jul 12, 2010