Something Is Always In the Way

about a year and a half ago, I found this incredible girl through craigslist, while I was looking for a river trip buddy.  We met, had dinner and things just seemed to click.  I learned about her past, the fact that she had a kid, didn't bother me, as I can adapt to many things.  Things were going good for us until the ex-boyfriend/father of the kid came back and beat her up, when I wasn't there.  I was devastated and angry of course.  Her family moved her to a place over an hour away from me, which broke my heart.  We stayed together for a little while afterwards, but eventually the distance just killed any chance of a relationship.  I hurt so bad, I never knew what to do.  We managed to stay in contact for a short period of time and then one day it just stopped.  I mourned for awhile but eventually sort of moved on.  I never forgot about her, and you never do when you think you  actually found your soulmate.  I dated for 8 or 9 months and one day she and I bumped in to each other on yahoo messenger.  I told her that I wanted to be with her so much, since she had moved back to st. louis.  I told her I would dump my girlfriend at the time of 6 months to be with her.  She told me not to do anything foolish and that she wasn't worthy of any guy like me.  I lost contact with her again and about 3 weeks ago I found her again.  We talked and she told me that she had to move back in with the abusive ex boyfriend and that there was another child in the picture.  But when you love someone so much, you tend to overlook mistakes.  I had asked her why she never returned my phone calls or texts, she had said that the ex had taken away her right to any privacy.  Now that we have been together for the last 3 weeks, I have only been able to have limited time on the phone with her, and I have only been able to see her 3 times.  I hurt so bad, mainly because she and I make plans but she constantly disappoints me because of the ex and she feels so bad about it.  I keep telling her that I am going to hang in there till she moves out, but today was the final straw when I couldn't even talk to her on the phone, because her ex kept picking up.  I am in such a stressed out state and my my heart and mind just hurt beyond belief.  I haven't eaten well, slept soundly or even stayed focus on work or school for the past 2 weeks.  I don't want to leave her, but I just don't know what to do, I just wish someone would take away my pain.

lovesick63143 lovesick63143
1 Response Feb 23, 2009

If her ex had assaulted her, did she press assault charges? Did she file for sole custody of the child? If not why? Maybe she feels she has no other viable option except for the ex. Ask yourself what you have to offer her. Consider what kind of commitment are you prepared to make to her and all her "baggage".

Make a plan for her. Give her a solid option for her and the kid / kids. Present it. If she doesn't like it, move on, and stop letting your happiness depend so heavily on someone else. Ultimately, the only one who can end your pain is you.