Given All The Love I Can Give

After being in a relationship for a year, My ex then toyed with my emotions for the past 2 years after that. Up to a few days ago. Even though he is no longer in my life, has a new girlfriend and what not- I feel like he still has some power over me. And I know, someone doesnt have the power unless you give it to them, right?
Its not that I want to get back with him, because I dont. Its just that he screwed with my mind and my heart for the past 3 years, and now whenever I start to like someone, or feel anything for someone, I shut it off and run away. Like, we have been broken up a year ago last august (about a year and a half) and Im still letting this effect me- my new relations- and my emotions.
I hadnt seen him in about a year and half, and hadnt spoke with him in about 2 months, and we actually met up a few days ago. And once again he's toying with my emotions.
I dont know how to let go. But whats werid is that its not like I WANT to be with him, or even talk to him for that matter! He is one of the biggest jerks I have ever met- and I know that he's bad for me, as a friend, or a boyfriend. So if I know all of this, then why do I still let him get to me? Why do I still let him bother me? And why the hell cant i just get over it, and over what he put me through and let go and move on!? I wish i could say "**** it" and really mean. Its like I dont know how.
Im my own worse enemy.
seazleaz seazleaz
2 Responses Jan 8, 2012

It's funny.. Once someone gets that deep inside you, they can never just be gone can they? They leave traces, fragments, residues somewhere deep inside... You twist the wrong way and you can still feel their shrapnel burning in your heart. There is no "clean" break... Never can be I suppose. I am haunted daily by songs and films, places and fragrences... My world was built around those that I loved; and now without them, I feel as though I only have the empty ruined world they left behind to live in...

Anger and revenge will rule ones life if they let it. Do not let these emotions live in your life. Forget the bum! You are better than he is because you do not have to put up with him anymore. Find a new life and live it to the fullest. Remember, there are lots of fish in the ocean so it will not be long before you catch a good one.

True. I really do try to block these emotions, and not let them rule my life or my thinking- but its almost as if they rule me. Its hard to explain, maybe i need some counseling or something? Im not sure what the answer is.
And I will take your advice the best I can, "forget the bum" is a wonderful idea. And good fish in the sea, (im just waiting until I met one i suppose)