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My Boyfriend Admitted Cheating On Me...and Now My Heart Is Broken

I am so in Love and Im happy but I also have a broken heart. My boyfriend, the one I thought I was going to marry confessed tp me this weekend that in the beginning of our relationship he had sex with another girl. I feel devistated. To Start....in the beginning this other girl I thought was just a girl he was trying to help because he is very into psychology and this girl has a history of cutting herself. My bf also told me she was pretty crazy! So I gave him the benifit of the doubt but still in the back of my head and heart I felt uneasy.

6 months into our relationship I was laying in bed..( he started living with me btw) I saw his cell phone vibrate on the night stand and it fell onto the bed. I picked it up and it was a text from "the other girl" saying I miss you. Please dont be mad at me. My heart sank and I felt so hurt. He said it was nothing and that he couldnt help her anymore and he told her that. He claimed to told her he needed to stop seeing her because he just couldnt be responsible for her. I believed him.

the 7th month his sister was in the car with me and she told me how she was so happy that her brother picked me instead of  dating the other girl. I was devistated. I confronted him and he said again he was just trying to help her and he never dated her. and his sister was mistaken. My bfs sister was at the bar and ran into this other girl and told her to leave her brother alone and that he was in a serious relationship with me. The other girl responded "How can he be in a seriouis relationship when he is having sex with me" Once again I believed it was just this girl being crazy. My bf said if she ever contacted him again he would tell me immediatly and tell her to F off.

Its been almost 2 years now and I was having so much fun out with my bf and other friends this last weekend. It was great until my bf was hidding his phone from me. I was devistated because I knew it was something he didnt want me to see. It was her. She said hi and he asked her how she was. the 3rd text was from her saying how she missed him and their chats and she new he was in a serious relationship but.....    and that was all she said. I freaked on him in front of everyone calling him a liar and that I wanted out because I cant be with someone that would hide things like that from me. He claimed he was going to show me but didnt want to cause a scene in front of everyone. He said he replied back to her because he didnt want her to kill herself and that be his fault because he did didnt respond to her. ( in my head I knew it was bullshit) We were drinking but I was so hurt and cried so hard. I feel asleep and the next day we went home with his sister in scilence.

When I got home I jumped in bed and cried my heart out. I was so hurt just by the fact that he would hide something from me like that. I started yelling for him to be honest with me about everything and I asked repeatedly like the night before if he had slept with her which was always no I would never do that. Well.....at one moment I could see the look in his eyes and I said..Im done if you dont tell me the truth right now..and he said he slept with her. That he was drunk and he felt awful as soon as he did it and that he was in a bad place in his life and he wasnt even sure if he really wanted to be in committed relationship at that point. I again was still just devistated but I guess I already knew that he slept with her by my intuition. Im an intellegent beautiful woman with a great job and a masters degree. Im NOT an idiot. He got choked up and said he has been faithfull since then because he knows what he wants. After that summer he gave his heart to me because I showed him what real love is and he didnt tell  me the truth because it would have hurt me.

Here are my questions. Should I stay with him and give him another chance? Also the whole texting her thing..why would he really text her back? I said i forgave him for confessing to me because its also hard to come clean. Its been 3 days now and at least some part of each day I cry and tell him Im just hurt, Im just scared hes going to do it again.

sarahannbaker sarahannbaker 22-25 5 Responses May 19, 2010

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I had the same experience just 2 days ago. I caught his text messages with this girl. And he admitted it. He told me everything about him and the other girl.i dont know how to start over again, and if i can still go on and work things out with him.

My boyfriend just admitted to me that he cheated on me a month ago I'm so devastated I've been w him almost a year I almost had a kid w him !!! I want to leave but at the same time I wanna believe it was a 1 time thing but then again someone who truly loves u won't cheat never u should b good enough I should b good enough I know it's hard but we two girls should find a real man who will be honest and loyal and TRULY love and respect us

hey just found out my boyfriend cheated on me like 2days ago, i can't stop thinking about it, he broke my heart, i've never cried so much. just cant decide whether to stay n giv him a chance to earn bk my trust or walk away

I will read that book! Thank you for that comment. I feel like I cant leave him because I love him too much and we really do have the best relationship. Everyday since then he has held me for hours at times while I have cried. He said he would take everything away to make my hurt go away. He wants to be with me forever.and if that means he needs to hold me everyday to make me feel better he will. He wants our relationship to be transparent from here on out. He said he feels better that its off his shoulders and now he feels if we get married its a fresh start because everything is out in the open. I will keep in mind that his trust needs to be earned and Im not going to take his bullshit. I feel like the ball is in my court now because If I leave him his only option is crazy girl and thats really not an option. I am marriage material and he knows it. This girl could ruin everything for him and he knows it. His family would KILL him if they knew he had cheated on me. So I think everything is going to be ok. I can forgive him but you best believe I wont forget!

Trust has to be earned. And he hasn't earned it. He has played you a lot. Young men do not act as free psychotherapists for young women. Read: The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. Our worst problems in all areas of our lives come from not listening to our instincts. Start listening to yours. You sound like you have a lot going for you. Believe that and don't live with a guy who feeds you bullshit. Date him if you must and let him earn back trust by his behavior over a period of time. Or drop him entirely and find someone who doesn't make a career out of breaking your heart.