Do I Still Love Him?

My name is Amber. Let me start from 2 weeks before christmas, 2007....

My boyfriend, Bryan, had told me he had gone to a party late at night, and stayed over night. I knew something wasn't right. We kept arguing over what really happened. He then asked me one day, "Why can't you just trust me? I was partying with my friends. If I'm not allowed to do this, then your f*ckin crazy!"

The guilt trip. Oh, how good Bryan is at this.

It didn't work long, however, since I found out he had really stayed the night with a girl. I found this out through MYSPACE of all things!! she had written him a message about he he swore he loved her, about how he swore she wouldn't get hurt, and how she loved him so much and was crying cuz she couldn't stand sharing him. Me and bryan had been dating 4 months, he and her only 2 weeks (not that that makes it better). i confronted him, we argued... a lot.

now, ive forgiven him, atleast i told him i did, but i have my doubts. it's been 3 months since then, but im still unsure if i still love him romatically. i want to. jesus i want to so bad, but there's this ice barrier around my heart now. im suspicious of every girl, even his sister in law (then again, she has cheated). he's cried because i have told him that i hate him half the time. god i HATE him for what he did, but good lord i love him so much the other half of the time. take right now, for instance, i love him so much and i care about him so much, but later when im trying to sleep ill remember what he did to me... and ill want to put my fist through a wall.

how can i figure out if i still love him romantically? please give me advice on how to move passed this... ill never forgive him, but i need to put it behind me.

Amberbamber42069 Amberbamber42069 16-18, F 10 Responses Mar 11, 2008

Your Response


You say you'll never forgive him. If that's true then you cannot make this relationship work. That is the ONLY way to be able to make a relationship work after one person has cheated. You can't just say you forgive him. You have to really truly forgive him. I couldn't do it. I know that if it happened to me, I would have to leave because there is no way I could ever trust him again. I may be able to forgive him in time but only for myself. The trust would be gone and there is NO relationship, no happiness, without trust. That is HUGE. And it's not all on you. If you both want to try and make this work then he has to work to show you he really loves, he's really committed to you, and that he will not do that again. He may not be up for that kind of work. It's a lot!

My opinion is that you should find your resolve, know you deserve better, and that there IS better out there and move on. Forgive him for yourself so that YOU can let go of it, learn what you can, and go be happy with a man that will appreciate you enough to honor your relationship by treating you right.

My boyfriends name was Bryan also. He told me he was going to Argentina to a wedding with friends of his that i didn't know. I found out three years later that he went to see a girl he met at an all-inclusive vacation a year before. I always suspected during those three years that something was suspicious. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!! If you have any doubt in your mind walk away. It's better to be alone though, than to be with someone that you don't fully trust and are constantly questioning.

my boyfriend has just told me he cheated on me at a works night out in town....we have been together for 5 years, broke our virginity with eachother and were/are childhood sweetharts. my heart is broken in 2 :( i have forgiven him and taken him back but it is so hard for me to get over this as it was the biggest betrayal. he wont tell me what the girl looked like or anything all he's told me is he done it in an alleyway but pulled away after a few minutes. i dont know what to believe. i wish he told me because he loved me like he said but i know the real reason he had to tell me....he only told me because he didnt use protection with the slag up the town and he caught chlamidia off her so the only reason he told me was because he could have given it to me.....i love him so much and just dont know if we'r gona last. its been a month since it happened. i am utterly devastated. there is more to this story but i wont go into it publicly. but just to let you know you can msg me anytime and i'll b here for you xxxxx nicole xxxxx

Cheating is never ok, Its disrespectfull and sleazy. You should have dumped him the second you found out. Your relationship can never move forward when he's done such terible things in the past.


I read your STORY and it touches my heart, and I must say that I do really feel for you...I find myself in a similar situation, but mine is more complex. I was a in relationship of 10yrs., and engaged to the man that I thought was going to be my husband, but that's not the case, he cheated on me,not once BUT TWICE....I totally understand what you are going through... How stupid of me to have forgiven him not once but TWICE... What was I thinkin?

The saddest thing about my situation has been that after I found out about the affair, he got himself into...I was willing to forgive him,go to counseling and even sought God as a powerful resource to help us get through this crisis....Actually, the most horrific thing about my situation is that, he wants to have to "two" women, and that's just WRONG...Morally and Spirtiually, WRONG! I will not put myself in that type of situation...I am a ONE Man woman... You know, I thought that because of the amount of time that we had invested in the relationship it was worth to go back and give him a second chance, but that is not right at all...I found my loving him, so much and willing to stay with him,but I was forgetting one very important person and component...

WHO? ME...I forgot about loving me...about my self-esteem, and that God has a plan for me, and that there's a good man out there for me...I know there is...AMBER we must be "realistic!" "Once a cheater always a cheater!" I have been in pain for almost 6 months due to his affair,and had fallen into a depression and lost interest in life, there was a point where I thought that the only way to end the pain/suffering that had been caused to me was to end my own life, but no MAN is worth that....Believe me!!!

Amber, you are beautiful woman....

LET HIM GO!!!! TODAY!!! I have since gone to chruch found God and have been praying, daily...I am feeling better and it's just a matter of TIME....Amber, LET HIM GO!!! The Lord has a plan for you...this is God's way of saying..."Amber, he is not for you!" I have someone better in store for you....YOU MUST YOU MUST LOVE yourself you are WORTH so much....Let the Lord put a Prince Charming in your path...You are in control, and you shld not ever feel like it was your fault,for you didn't do anything wrong!!!! You are a beautiful woman and you deserve better....

You know, now I feel a lot better about myself...I love myself, and I have put God as the center of my life, and on my way to a total recovery....I find myself finding the peace that I deserve and I seek....My priorities are solid: God, my daughter, my family and myself...I pray, daily that he put that prince charming in my path....all in due time.

Pray to God....Prayer is strong, he will listen to you...I will pray for ya....

Love yourself....Never feel that it was your fault.

Remember, he is human and will fall again...He got away it the first time,and consecutives times will follow.

He probably thinks, "Oh, it's okay if I cheat,she loves me and will forgive me!" The question is can you forgive yourself for taking him back? Can you live that "WHAT IF? everyday?

"There's plenty fish in the sea"...There is a good man out there for you...I can feel it.

If you want to live this kind of lifestyle then that's a choice you have to make, but if you seek something better and someone that deserves you then:

L E T H I M G O!!!! T O D A Y!

God Bless Ya! Remember,God has someone is store for you... Asketh with all your hearth and thou shall receive.

Love Yourself.

Good Luck and God Bless Ya!

A Friend

I agree, I've been through the same kinda thing, except my boyfrined and I have been dating longer... bu like you said no excuses....

You have to be strong and it'll hurt at first. But there no need for you to settle for this. If he does love you and does care enough to try and make things work, he'll show you even after you've broken up with him. He'll make that extra effort to try and earn your love back because it does mean so much.

It's hard and it hurts but that's exactly what I'm planning on doing when I go see ,e boyfriend. If you need someone to talk to or need to hear how things have turned out in a similar situation please feel free to talk to me. Its always nice to have that support and understanding.

No one deserves to be cheated on and no one has any reason to put someone through that pain and misery. Every time I leave my boyfriend alone I wonder who's coming over after I leave? Or who is he calling and talking to? Even when he come to kiss me all I can think about is the way he touched another girl.... Is ridiculous and unfair for any person to have to feel that way. Especially about someone who claims that they love you.

Amber, you are getting a lot of advice that might be hard to hear. I have to agree that personally I believe a cheat is a cheat is a cheat. People do cheat for a reason. If you are in a relationship that is long, it might be because something is missing etc. If you are in a brief relationship and someone cheats, it most definitely points to something more habitual or problematic. The first few months are the 'honeymoon', the period where everything is great. People don't cheat then unless they were never invested in the first place. They might care, but they don't know how to care deeply or be committed or they simply don't want to commit.

People are drawn to people with certain characteristics. If you were drawn to him, it says something about you.

If you don't want to draw the same type of person to you, you have to figure out what it is about you that you need to change so that you don't end up in the same boat.

The best thing you can do for yourself is figure out why you want to love him so bad. If you loved him, you just would. So if you say you want to love him, it really doesn't sound like you do.

It sounds like you are fighting what you already know deep inside you.

doing that after 4 months of just dating, and you talk about forgiving him?! where is your self esteem! If you like sex with him and want to keep him around for that... all the power to you. If you like how your feel around him because he is cute and other girls envy you.. all the power to you. If you want to learn how to read a cheater when he lies to you... again all the power to you...

But don't get all confused about what you really have: someone who cannot be trusted, makes you doubt yourself, and lashes at you when he is plain wrong... once a week, take the time to sit yourself down in front of a mirror and become aware of yourself. your likes, your dislikes, your strength, weaknesses... with plain honesty.

People will come and go in your life, you will remain the constant. treat yourself with respect, it will transpire in your attitude, and others will treat you with respect. If they don't, move on. don't try to justify yourself to them, don't try to understand why they don't, move on.

at your age, you do not need long explanations about whys and hows, learn to make clean brakes from relationships that can only lead to you loosing some self-esteem. and don't get mistaken either about his reaction. the minute you dump him with no further explanations, he might come back galloping and swearing all sorts of stupid things, because you bruised his ego. it will temporarily feel good.. but this is not true self esteem, this is not what will carry you later in life when you go through difficult times. this is the type of things that will make you an easy prey to flattery.

the short version: RUN.. DO NOT LOOK BACK.

By the way, I didn't mean that its ok IF your married. I just meant its easier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dump him- your not married!! find a good guy--everyone deserves that!!!! There out there!!!!!!!!