Was I Wrong To E-mail The Other Woman? I Still Want To Work Things Out With My Cheating Ex


My ex and I were together almost 3 years, and throughout that time I invested my whole heart into the relationship. Things were good for a long time, but it was always me making the effort and showing him that I care about him. We broke up several months ago because I found out he was having a relationship (which he still denys) with a married girl. I still miss him even though he cheated on me and continues to deny everything about the girl he has been having a relationship with. Apparently he cares for her, and maybe thinks he "loves" her, but I believe he is only infatuated with her because she seduced him at work (his friend told me everything) and is bored with her husband. She has known about me the whole time, and all of my ex's friends say she is only using him for sex. I know there is NO excuse for his behavior, yet I am still so willing to forgive him and work things out...am I crazy? I finally caved from weeks of him trying to get me to hang out (as "friends") but "stuff" happened. He swears he was only friends with the girl, but that is NOT true. I looked at his phone the other day while we were hanging out (when he wasn't around) and saw he texted her while I was there with him. He said in his texts that he wants wishes she would leave her husband and was upset because she doesn't love him..I know my ex SO well and know that he is only infatuated with her because she is married and it's exciting to him that someone so "dangerous" and "forbidden" took an interest in him. It makes me sick that I have tried and begged him SO many times to be honest with me about everything, but he refuses and that makes me feel so depressed and crazy because all I want to do is work things out with him. Even though now I know he still sees her and has these "feelings" for her, he always calls me and wants me to hang out...and we do all of the same things we always used to which makes me fall back in love with him despite all he's done. Everyone that knows her says she will NEVER leave her husband. I was so heartbroken that they are still communicating when I thought he and I were working things out that I sent her a message on facebook yesterday. I also forwarded it to my ex so as not to hide anything from him. I told him beforehand that I was going to do that, and of course he freaked out but I just felt I had no other choice. I explained to her that he and I were trying to work things out and I asked her to stop whatever she has going on with him. I was very respectful and just said I know what is going on and that I love him and don't want to see him get hurt by her. I said I hoped she could work it out with her husband. I have NEVER contacted the girl in all this time, and just felt like I had to say something to her since she KNEW about me the whole time. I know i'm a fool to even still care about him, but I can't help how I feel. He said he'd never speak to me again if I sent the message (which he has says every time he gets mad about ANYTHING) but he knew I had already sent it so it was too late to delete. I tried deactivating my account to get rid of the message, but he said he could still see it in his inbox. Now i've deleted my whole facebook account (I hated it and never used it anyway). He said he went onto HER account and deleted the message, but we don't know if she read it or not. In a way I hope she did because I only said what I needed to say and I honestly was only trying to make her see where I am coming from and that I want to work it out with him. Now he is furious saying he will never talk to me again. I totally understand that he is mad, but I can't stand watching him throw everything we had away for a girl who is only using him for sex. I know he has done me wrong in the worst way, yet I still care. His friends voluntarily tell me he is just confused and that he really does love me, and that has only made me want to try harder to work it out with him. Was I wrong? What now?
goldielox700 goldielox700
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 17, 2011

well ok everything in your story screams get away from him because his heart is somewhere else.You were not wrong you said what you felt but unfortunately I do not think he feels as strong about this relationship as you do.I think he lies to you so that he can keep you around fro awhile till he either gets the other girl or someone else.<br />
Look yo are going feel for him for awhile but the sooner you leave him alone and move on the sooner the pain will go away.Thanks for the story sorry about what you have been through but time to move on and heal.