Still Having Doubts

My boyfriend of 4yrs cheated on me about a year and a half into our relationship. He did everything except have physical intimate relations with her. He was seeing, talking,hanging out with her, and sharing every part about his life with her, except the part about me. He carried on this relationship for about 2 months. I had my own place and did not know about this until almost a month after moving in with him. I found a text on his phone and also a voice mail. Both indicating in some way that he had stopped communicating with her. I text her(as him) and she finally just called me so I answered the phone and talked to her. I came to find out that she did not know about me and also all of the things they had done together. Things like going dancing, to a concert (which she paid for) and the thing that hurt that most she had met him, his son and his son's girlfriend at Hooters for a Sunday lunch. Mind you, I have known all of these people for the same amount of time. So not only did I feel betrayed by my boyfriend but by his son and his girlfriend. I also found out that after I moved in with him on July 1st is when he stopped all contact with her, but still didn't tell her about me. She did indicate to me after a direct question that they did not have sex (not by her choice though).

Fast forward 2 1/2 yrs: We still live together and after a rocky time I am feeling and doing much better. He has not done anything wrong that I can tell, (and yes I still check up on him) but 2 days ago I had a weird gut feeling something was off. So I checked his email and find out that she requested him on fb. He didn't even know (he doesn't get on the computer as much as I do) that she had done this. I then ask him has he been talking to or has he seen anyone from past? He asks me why then tells me she called him the day before but he didn't answer. Last night we are both on our laptops so I go to see what he did with the email from fb saying she wanted to friend him, and find it in the trash. All is good right?

Wrong, It has brought back all of the old feelings of betrayal that I had in the past. Like a blast of P.T.S.D.. So, I ask him this morning has she tried to call him anymore? His response is less than sensitive, he says no and why is it bothering me so much? I explain that it has brought back old feelings that still hurt me today. He tells me that he is with me and that I need to grow up and get over it. I guess my feelings are that he really doesn't think that he did anything wrong, (he always says there was nothing going on and she was just a friend). I am hurt with him for his insensitive attitude toward my feelings and the fact that if I hadn't asked I would have never known. He doesn't know that I know about the fb thing and obviously did not mention it to me. I also am hurt because it seems that it is easier to just ignore her call than to answer it and ask her to leave him alone. Is he afraid of hurting her feelings or does he figure that if he never really completely cuts the ties he has at least one option open? I have all of these questions going on in my head, and others like, Why did she contact him out of the blue? Did he contact her first? Did he see her some place?
So you can see why I'm still having doubts. Thoughts anyone?
renespain renespain
41-45, F
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

It sounds like you do not trust him at all. You are obsessing a bit, I think.He is not responsible for her stalking him. He is getting tired of this. Take it one day at a time and avoid sabotage. Enjoy today and let the past go. Hope this helps hugs