I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. We met at university through a mutual friend. We don't live together as we live and work in different cities and I am still caring for my mum who was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 1/2 years ago. Our relationship has always been wonderful but since we left university last year it has become a real strain and we were struggling to see each other due to our work schedules and when we did meet we would bicker and argue and as a result we would rarely have sex. He got a new job 4 months ago in the field that he studied in and as a result had a leaving do which I didn't go to as I never knew the people from his previous job. Last month a girl messaged me on fb to tell me she and my boyfriend had been having an affair for 10 months and she had broke it off with him but thought I should know about it all. After I confronted him he finally admitted to a 'drunken fumble' at his leaving do where they kissed and she performed a sex act on him. It broke my heart. We both come from broken homes due to our fathers infidelity and he knew it was something I would never cope with. He lied for 3 months about it and I knew absolutely nothing. We have now split but he is trying very hard to get me back including going to doctors and counselling to deal with his issues and he has given up drinking and he cut the girl in question out the day after their liaison as he didn't want anything to do with her. I want him back as I love him dearly and 4 1/2 years is a long time to just throw away. However I can't get that image out of my head and I am still so hurt by it. I'm riddled with doubt too as I don't know who is telling the truth. His mum knows and has told me she would have known if he was having a proper affair and I believe her because after what his dad did she wouldn't condone it or lie for her son. Can I trust him ever again? I will have to move for my job in the next 2 years on placement and I could be anywhere in the country so he could stray again and I would never know. But he seems so sincere and wracked with guilt and I never believed him to be like either of our fathers. He said it was a mistake and I would hate to lose our future together over a mistake. A kiss I could forgive, sex I would never forgive but this is in-between and I don't know how to deal with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for such a long post.
MsRugbygirl19 MsRugbygirl19
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

A mistake is something which we do in an instant not for 10 months. It means he was not faithful to you for a long time. Had he committed that mistake in a spur of moment than the case would have been different.
I am a guy, I know the difference between instant urge and true feelings.
Yes, it can be possible that now he realized his fault. Now, we MIGHT be true about his feelings for you.

Guys do stupid things. The fact that he is doing all this shows his true feelings. Guys can have sex or sex acts without feelings. You need to do what's best for you. If you can't get passed it then that's your answer. Worry about you and your job. You don't know where you will be in 2 years. Maybe your someone is waiting there. Unless he puts a ring on it and you guys move to the same area. I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket of it working out for the long haul bc you'll always wonder if he's truthful when you're not with him.