Can I Get Over Him Cheating????

I'm 30 years old and have been with my now ex husband for 12 years and have 3 children. My story is like one I've never heard before.

About a year a half ago my ex and I split up. He moved in with a younger female 1 day later. I was heart broken...... "so I thought"....... I didn't know what heart broken was until he told me everything. He began telling me about the 8 different girls that he cheated on me with, how he never loved me, how I was ugly, (in which I'm not). All sorts of cruel and ungodly things. He broke me down to the point that I hated him. Within a month he wanted a divorce. So he could marry this "new found love". We got divorced and I began to move on with my life. Once he saw that I was moving on and getting over him that's when the devil in him came out. He went into a rage! Breaking windows out of my car and house and threatening me.

Then he came to a point that he realized how much he truly loved me and how sorry he was. He called me every day crying and pleading that I would take him back. After 3 months of that I did. I thought we could work thru this and I could try to forgive him. That sounds so stupid. But we do have 3 children that were hurting a great deal. I thought it would be the best thing for my family. But now its been a little over a year since we have been back together and now I'm coming to a point that I can't shake all of the pain I feel. He hasn't cheated again (not that I know of). However I did find out after 6 months of us being back together that he was in contact with one of his flings that he had over a year affair with. And now 6 months later he stayed out half that night at a ***** club and spent 700.00. He thinks I should let the past go and get over it. I can't do that! But I don't want my kids to be put thru all of that pain again.

My ex husband says "if I wasn't going to let it go then I should have never taken him back". In a way I feel he is right but on the other hand how did I know that the pain a year later would be unbearable.  I think about the cheating and all of the mean and nasty things he said to me (just to hurt me even more) all of the time. I feel like I'm coming out of my skin!!! Now that all of this has come to a head I have been very short with him, I don't have much to say to him, I don't want to have sex with him, I don't even want to be around him. I think he should be trying to make things right even more now but all I get is the opposite. Now he is telling me that if I don't start changing the way I act then things are going to be over. (how selfish of him) I feel so empty inside and I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't ever want to feel as if I failed as a parent. There is a lot more to this story. I could write pages of all the bad crap I have had to deal with because of him. However he can be one of the best men I have ever known. Sometimes I think he is bipolar or something... idk.... I know anyone reading this must think I should win the most stupid woman of the year award. But I guess you have to have been there and done that to fully understand why I stay.


123456hurt 123456hurt
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 8, 2010

I understand exactly where you are coming from,I'm wondering myself if it's possible to forgive the someone after they have made you feel the lowest of the low. I'm glad that I'm not the only person who is conflicted, that Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde effect has me perplexed because I know that he is not always that evil person. <br />
I'm glad to hear that you left him. I know it's hard when you have kids with someone because it's not like you can cut him completely out of your life. Your kids need to see a healthy relationship and if you are happier without him then that's the best decision for you. My 1 year old can pick up on the tension between me and her father, kids are more aware than we think. Stay deserve peace of mind. <br />
Thanks for sharing your story

update.....<br />
i left him!!!! it still hurts some however its all so much easier to deal with now that i dont have to look it in the eye everyday. the kids seem to be doing okay. i never thought i would ever have the moxie to do it. now i can hold my head up high and not have to worry any more about what he is or is not doing. i know life is going to be challenging raising 3 children on my own but to have "me" back is going to be amazing! good luck to anyone else that has to deal with all of the endless thoughts of dealing with a cheater.

Well done you!! You should be so proud of yourself right now.

He's a worthless son of the Devil and you're a ******* idiot for even considering taking his pathetic, narcissistic, disgusting, std infected, gnarly *** back. Do your children a favor and rid your life of such a sick and hurtful person. You will get over this piece of **** in time. Just ******* move on, please.