Sick To My Stomach....

My ex- husband and I met when we were 20-21 years old... Spent 5 yrs together before really wanting a commitment from him that he wasn't giving me...I wanted to take a "break" not knowing what I wanted (as we were still living together). He started staying with one of his friends. I came home one day to a handful of pictures of us over the last 5 yrs ok the kitchen table, and a note that said press play (DVD player). So, I did. It was on the part of the movie JERRY MCGUIRE where TOM CRUISE was telling her he was not letting her get rid of him...and how she completes him.......(he timed it perfectly) as I started crying and he came in and asked me to marry him. It was what I always wanted from him but it took me questioning our relationship for him to ask me... Well i said yes. We got married ( even though I had doubt). We split 2008 bc I didn't want to worry about anyone else.. After two years of be being a b to him, and him being really sappy.... I meant for this to be short..sorry. I was offered a relocation with my company across the country (wa to nc) was nice to get away.. But you cant run from peoplems. I didn't think I was running...but now I realize what I did. Now I'm content....but not happy as I think I could be with him. The ****** thing was is that I regret my actions of bailing out and not working through it all. I love the people I've met a long the way and how much I've matured, and Realizing mistakes I made in the past...but I'm full of regret. I pray that I can wake up with no regrets. Every three months I break down and cry.. For the last two years. It sucks. His friend recently told me his dating a coworker and he moved in with her after a few months ( which is exactly what we did when we were 20). :( just makes me hurt more. Don't get me wrong I love my bf now...but I'm not 100%. Just feel like I'm missing something...... It's hard to say I want to be with him since geographically we are not compatible since we live across the country from eachother... He came to see me last January..,I think the only reason I said it wouldn't work was because it didn't seem fair for me to ask him to move here. In addition I wasn't sure that was what I wanted...which has been the entire reason for the divorce.... Any advice??
Caroline9118 Caroline9118
Dec 26, 2011