Post

Still Missing Him

My ex-husband left me about 11 months ago and we've been going back and forth. Ive waited and waited, apologized, groveled, expanded my mind, stretched what I thought I could tolerate, and after all that he keeps saying despite all the good things that we can't be happy longterm. I just deeply believe that he is wrong, and that we have is unique and meant to be. I get so much strength from holding his hand or touching his arm or his cheek...we had a physical connection that i really trusted...i dont know how ill ever be romantic with anyone else. i used to make him so happy. i made some mistakes about handling my alcoholic first husband and #2 is so unforgiving. i almost wish it hadnt been so amazing and beautiful at the start, so i would not have something so perfect to miss. i know what i am saying is foolish and short-sighted. i just cant seem to let my feelings of being in love with him go.

ka72 ka72 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 10, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

Hi Rachel,

Very sorry to hear your story. I have been married for 23years now and been seperated from my husband for 5 years. We have 3 kids and I know exactly how you feel and how much it hurts. His sister is the cause of our marriage breakup and there is nothing I say or do to make him realise this.

I waited for him for the last 5 years and now I have decided to move on. He does come around to see the kids and seeing him leave kills me inside everytime he leaves.

I went for counselling, talk to people, talked to myself over and over again, started doing meditation but nothing helped and nothing will help.

So finally one morning I decided that I have to make a change to see a change. My husband took me for granted that I loved him too much to let him go. I told him that I love him very much but I cant go on like this anymore. I have been suffering and so does the kids seeing me like this day after day.

I didnt have the courage to say this but I put every ounce of strength that I had to spit it out finally.

For my husband I was a door mat that he can step on whenever he wants to and I will say nothing and in fact thats exactly what I did, I said nothing. Love is not suffering, its a blessing. This is not love, its stupidity that we cling on people out of fear of being and alone and the unknown.

I will always love my husband but I started loving me and my kids more now. This has made me a very stong person. Everything is within us, all the happiness that we are looking from outside is within us. Believe me on this, IF YOU WANT TO SEE A CHANGE THEN BE THE CHANGE. Do not let your husband come home anymore to see the kids at your place. If you dont want your husband to take the kids then you stay away for the weekend whne he does come around. Being away from him will help you to see things in a different way that will only help you to heal. You have to make and effort to start taking charge of your life cos only you can make a difference in your life.

The reason Im saying this cos I have been through this for 5 years and If I didnt make the change it will continue because he chose this lifestyle and he is happy the ways things are and why would you make a change in your life when you are happy with the situation as it is.

If you really want to be happy and to have a better life then make the change today or this life will pass by you so quickly that you will never be able to forgive yourself for what you did to you and your kids.

May god give you the will and the strength to make the change.

Sonia

HI! Ladies, im in the same boat i was/ am still married to my high school sweetheart for 25yrs. but we have been seperated now for 11mths. he comes around to see the kids and tells me he can't live with me but he can't live without me. i miss him so much and can't see myself with no one else but him, we do bump heads alot but its cause his sisters but in our lives alot, ever sinces his parents passed. we are still romantic but its not enough i want him to come back home but he said he can't, he won't even think about it. the only way he would come back is if something happened to me and he'd need to watch our kids 3 of which are alduts and 2 minors. still its hard to have him come over and have to watch him leave. it hurts so much. but nothing i say gets to him he tells me he wants no one else and he only wants me. but he just can't live with me. i get so jealous of his sisters calling him when he is with us or when they have him do stuff for him only because they are the reason for our break-up. they want him to watch over his 2 older brothers that are slow and keep and eye on them and the house that his dad left to his sister. but cause of all that our family was split in two and its not fare to me and my kids. but he dont see it like that he feels his brothers need him since his dad died, but his sisters wont dare leave thier familys to watch them instead they had him do it. it breaks my heart that his sisters have so much control over him more than me and i dont mean it in a wierd way it just i should come first to him we have been married to long and have 5 kids together. i so want him back but i know im wasting my time im 43yrs old now and i wanna just give up trying to win him back from his sisters but i feel like a fool for even trying. at times things i say just ends up in us fighting. but we make up. weeks later. i thought i was the only one feeling like this about an ex but i to wish i could just die just to stop hurting over him and the emptyness i feel. i miss him next to me that when he at times spends the night i lay awake just to take it all in and just enjoy his being next to me. even for just one night. it sounds stupid and many would say im wasting my time but it love that pulls me back to him, and no one can understand the feeling that we are going through unless you have walked in my shoes. but i will keep hope open that he will some day change his mind and come back home, we are still married cause are divorce is not yet final. and even if we never end up back together. as husband and wife i will never want any other man, besides i still see him every weekend so i guess i have to settle for some weekend fun. wish things work out for you ladies but dont ever feel foolish its love and its part of life. i just wish it wouldnt hurt so bad. Thanks to all the ladies who share your feelings and thougrhts and never give up on what you belive to be right. your heart is never wrong and just listen to it. rachel

mmm my husband and I seperated 3 1/2 months ago.. and i feel like im going to die.. He talks to me like we are still best friends and even tells me im his best friend. but does not want to get back together with me. I have begged and still he says NO.... he says he has a new life and im just not in it. he is meeting tons of people. I ask him if he stopped loving me and never answers that questions always avoids it. So i know he loves me.. but he tells me that i need to move on and do my own life now and simply start erasing him from my life.. But I just can not do that!!!! i feel so lonely.. i just want to die... everything aroud me seems to have no sense.. Whim already getting professional help but it just does not seem to help... Im going crazy.... i understand how you feel... i cannot let go of what i feel for him and its weird how everyday they seem to get stringer and i love him more... ....

Your ex has told you he has a new life, and has suggested you move on. I think this is the answer to your question " Has he stopped loving you?" It's obvious he has. I know its hard to come to terms with this, but the sooner you let go, the better you will feel about him moving on without you. To hold on to wish and old memories will drive you insane. Accept the fact that he's gone, and start to heal from the dissapointment. ~Wishing you new love in time~