My Dad passed away on July 11, 2007 and I still cannot get over it. I had worked so hard to try to keep him alive. Losing him was my worst nightmare and it happened... in a horrific way. I have so many regrets about what I didn't do, didn't say. He got a staph infection that traveled through his back and out his thigh and down his leg. It was resisitant to antibiotics - anything. I had to make the decision to either let him die or they would amputate his leg and the chances he would still die were too great. After making this horrible decision by myself in the middle of the night - he lived for 9 days. I stayed with him in the hospital waiting for him to take his last breath. I actually prayed for it - I wanted him out of his misery and me out of mine. I took care of my Dad for 6 years prior to this happening. He had many health issues - but overcame them. He had dementia as a result of a drinking binge that wracked his brain and I had to go to court to get guardianship over him. The Dr's thought he would never be the same, but his brain repaired itself to a certain degree - but he was never the same. I managed his life and mine. Mixing the two... He was so much work, but so much fun at the same time. He was the parent I could talk to for hours. He made me laugh, understood me, and supported me in my career choice. Even though he was my Dad, it became a complete role reversal - soon I was the parent taking care of him and making his decisions for him - about him. I had to take away his driver's license, truck, put him in a nursing home, buy his clothes, pay his bills, make his medical decisions. It was exhausting and I grew tired, weary and weak. I needed a break - I took it and because of that - he is dead. I wish I could touch his hands, kiss his forehead, look into his blue eyes and once again hear his voice. My heart aches and I wish he would come to me and make himself known, but I think he is angry. Sometimes I can feel his presence, but it is not vivid enough. I just want him to know how sorry I am and that he is so very missed.