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I Cant Get Over This Guy

Why?

By: lntel
Written on December 11th, 2011
I find it ridiculous. It's been nearly 3 months since we split and I can't move on. I'm trying my best but there's something holding me down. I don't sleep anymore. I only eat because it's necessary. He's been in my dreams lately too - he's much nicer to me in my dreams than he is in real life. I still wonder sometimes how it all got reduced to this...

I even find it more stupid that even though he was a total ******* and dumped me like vomit, I don't know if I really do want to move on. I told myself that if I ever see him with another girl (which I am sure would probably happen - I severely doubt he would stay single for the entire time we are at college), I won't ever show that I'm upset. But I don't know if I ever see myself with anyone else... I can't. I was willing to make an exception for him. He wanted me to move in with him next year. He said to me that I was the girl that he wanted to make love to some day. He said to me after he broke up with me that he still cares about me. I don't even know if I can believe anything he says anymore!!

I don't even know if I love or hate him. I sometimes wish he dumped me via text message instead of in person so I could hate him more - at least things wouldn't be as screwed-up as they are now. What's even worse is I keep replaying a convo I had with a lecturer several months ago. An incident happened where she asked us in the class "Why aren't you two sitting together anymore?" and I didn't want to tell her the truth in front of the entire class (he was also in the room) so I said the first thing I could think of: "No comment." I could tell that he was really hurt by that comment but I just hope he understood that I didn't want to let everyone know the truth. Afterwards when everyone was out, I told the lecturer what really happened. She asked me if he broke up with me because of another girl. I told her no (it was the truth). She also asked me if I was in love with him and I said yes, and she said "There is hope then. I think you two are a match."

I know everything happens for a reason. I know this breakup happened for a reason. Afterall, I'm a lot braver now than I was before. I just wish I could know what would happen next... I'm so sick of clinging to false hope. I guess if it was meant to be, it would happen. I love him enough to let him go. Now I guess I should just wait and see if he returns.
By: lntel
Age: 18-21
160 people have read this story

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7 responses
  • dontletmego
    dontletmego

    3 months isn't long when you were in love.
    It's been 6 & a half months for me & I cannot hate the guy I called my first boyfriend, first love, first kiss etc...
    He dumped me on our 6 month anniversary. & I had to hear it from other people. Now he tells me every once in a while that he loves me & cares & misses me & I cling. To the false hope that he will come back to me. Maybe realize he's in love with me like he would tell me before. But he knows how he has me, so it just... uhhh.

    All I can say is try. Try to move on. I'm trying with all that I've got but, it's hard.. Just don't let someone keep you around just for when you're they're last option.

    Dec 10, 2012
    1 like
  • velvetflow
    velvetflow

    Intel10418. You think 3 months is long? Wow! Do you know a guy dumped me over a year ago, hasnn't said one word to me in one whole year, but e-mailed me until last Nov., then blocked me from his phone for 6 months. Then removed his block, then started to e-mail me again and then, and then and then. He finally stopped e-mailing me totally. He hasn't said one single word to me for over a yar and I still call his answering machine even though he threatened to call the police and I still e-mail him. Now how do you like them apple? I'm obsessed and I know it. Isn't it obvious. Three months is nothing, absolutely no period of time whatsoever when it comes to affairs of the heart..



    Of course my relationship with him was 9 years and it was great for five years and then it got totally ugly and then it was good again but he wouldn't see me and then he wouldn't talk to me and I've never been through a roller coaster ride like this one. Perhaps that;s why I can't let go or one of the reasons and perhaps that's why you can't. When people tell a person one thing and they tend to believe it, as I did with this guy and you did with your guy, and then they reneg on all that they've told you, the double messages cause a pigeon response. (There was a study done in basic psychology class about, no, it was a rat who went back for food. Sometimes the rat got food and sometimes the rat got no food but an electric shock. But whatever the rat got, the rat kept going back. It is mind f______ this type of behavior and it causes an addiction to occur.



    So, please be gentle with yourself and let it take it's time. For me this has been the most difficult relationship I've ever ended with and it's because I'm older and disabled and can't meet people like I once did but it's also because he went back and forth so many times that I tend to think that he'll come back even though all evidence proves to the contrary. Give yourself credit for leaving him alone and seeing what happens. I'd like to be able to leave this guy alone but, find it an impossible task. I know a big part of it is because I haven't seen any friends in ages nor family. While we're alive, things can and do change, I hope for me and for you. . velvetflow

    Dec 23, 2011
    1 like
    • lntel
      lntel

      Well, I think you're right. I suppose 3 months is 'long' for me because I never had a long-term relationship. I'm too mentally unstable to handle one.
      Though... being in a 9-year relationship would be nice. I'm sorry it ended for you though. I know it will hurt but it might help to delete him from your phone contacts or email. Hope things get better for you too.

      Dec 23, 2011
      1 like
  • MoriartyWolf
    MoriartyWolf

    You know what you need, a series of laughing so hard you will thinking about peeing your pants but won't cause that would not be Wizard. So I recommended http://www.youtube.com/show/agentsofcracked?s=1 have some laughs, try not to pee yourself, and remember your ex is more than likely someone streaming **** right this minute.

    Dec 20, 2011
    2 likes
    • lntel
      lntel

      Thanks, that's awesome!

      Dec 21, 2011
      1 like
  • keepsingingNGU
    keepsingingNGU

    I hope everything works out for the best..take care :-)

    Dec 11, 2011
    1 like
    • lntel
      lntel

      Thanks. :)

      Dec 11, 2011
      1 like